Hosting friends in Thailand.

[Morch]

2 hours ago, sipi said:

This particular family I know quite well as they do boxing with my son 3 days a week, but not exactly close friends.

Others we barely know.

A wee trip to the village might be worth it for them, however that basically involves a one hour flight from Bkk then 4 hours drive, then turn around. Might just meet them in Phuket and find another local village to explore.

 

There are good quality home-stays/guesthouses that specialize in "village life" tourism. Similar projects (more up north, I think) by NGOs. Not as "authentic" as real life Thai villages, but deliver on the tourist-imagined authenticity. Worked better than expected with most guests.

 

 

[Gandtee]

One of the drawbacks of living in Thailand is that people want to visit you. It's sometimes difficult to politely refuse and I don't like telling lies.

[pgrahmm]

5 hours ago, wwest5829 said:

Agree but admit due to having taught for 41 years, I am still drawn to introducing new experiences, sites, etc. to those who are new to our north country. I keep a list of places to take guests. Having a car and enjoying travel myself does not hurt. Just had visitors in from Bangkok and have taken them around Chiang Mai, Doi Inthanon, etc. well, not exactly strangers as potential new family.

Yes - we've done it also.....

 

I'm more open to it than my wife is....It's just the way her (and her family are).....Plus, having a beautiful (shy & quiet) 16 year old daughter & another in the making (budding tweenager) keeps me guarded regarding who's welcome - or not - to come be amongst our family.....That tempers my openness & judgement.....

 

The last one's we had the husband was a loutish leering bar fly - bar quip big mouth type & I was about a half a beat away from asking him openly if he was always such a big @ssh*l€ after a couple of days of it....I'm not adverse to making my view point known as needed ....But....The wife was an old university friend my wife hadn't seen in over 20 years & I would've definitely spoiled the week's visit....

 

I think he sensed he was behaving out of place because he toned it down.... I resented hauling him around - the wife was fine....

 

It went ok....There was some laughter along the way and they had a good visit....

[khunPer]

I have only been around Thailand with real close friends a few times, friends I knew that I share interest with – so I agree with CharlieH in post #2 – however several friends has been staying in my guest room for a limited time (from few days up to 2 weeks), and I have showed them around the area where I live. Only close friends stay long time, and often they are off a few days to get around themselves to experience areas (islands or mainland). Non close friends stays on their own in a hotel/resort – also because some friends wish their privacy, or don't want to interfere with may family's privacy – and we meet for a day, where i gladly show them around, and perhaps a night for dinner and what to see locally (in my area among other things the party life at beach, or a cabaret, or muay Thai, or night market); but staying too close if we don't know each other well, may not be a great idea.

[JAFO]

I have done it a couple of times. I think the key is knowing the person/people a bit and clearly what their planned duration is.

I had one business sort of friend guy about 8 years ago that wanted to connect and have me show him around. All he wanted to do was go to Pattaya. I said  "Have fun". Never saw him, never spoke during his stay.  He sent me an email and said he had fun. Good enough. I offered him my phone number in the event he got in trouble.

 

I had another couple come over  from the states and we spent nearly 2 weeks with them going all over. They paid for all the van services we used, my wife and I bought most of the dinners. My wife was outstanding in setting up hotel accommodations etc. Was great fun and we saw some new places and I was glad to have got to show them some  of the "off the beaten path" stuff. Would I do that again...Absolutely. Fun times.

 

Other factors play a role in this as well as noted by PGrahmm. My wife and I have no children or pets and my FIL is quite independent. We can up and leave and go anywhere at any time and we are a very social couple so if it seems good, we will do it and show people around. Worse case, if the folks become unbearable or unruly we can have a "Sudden need to go back home" in which case we can excuse ourselves politely but make ourselves available for an emergency. Really quite simple.

 

I think # 1 its best to know the person/people coming and just in case have an "Exit strategy".

[Sheryl]

If they have out and out asked you to show them around Thailand, that is IMO very presumptious and inconsiderate behavior and I would not be eager to keep such people as friends let alone host them anywhere.

 

When wanting to visit a place where a friend or acquaintance lives the polite thing to do is mention you will be coming and that you hope to be able to meet up while there...and then leave it to the other to extend an invitation to stay with them or not. At which point if they opt to,  they can do so with caveats e.g. "you are welcome to stay here but we live in XYZ, not too much to see or do" or "you are welcome to stay here but we won't have much time to go around with you as we'll be busy with XYZ". OR they can not invite but rather say something like, "yes, let's try to get together for at least dinner, where will you be staying?".

 

Only with the very closest of friends -- and often even not then -- would I outright ask someone if I could stay with them, and even then I'd word it so as to be easy for them to say no i.e. "Would it be convenient.." not "Can I.."

 

So in short your newbie friends seem to lack common courtesy. Not a good sign.

 

 

[HooHaa]

dont know why i would bother with someone i wasn't close to.

 

And people i am close to wouldnt ask.

 

seems odd to over think it so.

[sipi]

1 hour ago, Sheryl said:

If they have out and out asked you to show them around Thailand, that is IMO very presumptious and inconsiderate behavior and I would not be eager to keep such people as friends let alone host them anywhere.

 

When wanting to visit a place where a friend or acquaintance lives the polite thing to do is mention you will be coming and that you hope to be able to meet up while there...and then leave it to the other to extend an invitation to stay with them or not. At which point if they opt to,  they can do so with caveats e.g. "you are welcome to stay here but we live in XYZ, not too much to see or do" or "you are welcome to stay here but we won't have much time to go around with you as we'll be busy with XYZ". OR they can not invite but rather say something like, "yes, let's try to get together for at least dinner, where will you be staying?".

 

Only with the very closest of friends -- and often even not then -- would I outright ask someone if I could stay with them, and even then I'd word it so as to be easy for them to say no i.e. "Would it be convenient.." not "Can I.."

 

So in short your newbie friends seem to lack common courtesy. Not a good sign.

 

 

Without going into a lot of detail. We aren't friends as such but are very closely connected socially on a number of levels. They are good folk and we would have considered inviting them anyway, maybe. They were ok about asking and we took it as a compliment that they thought about us.

Anyway. Enough about them.

The general message I am getting here is don't invite friends to stay.

[pgrahmm]

Everybody that has approached me saying they are "going to let me show them Thailand" or a similar such implication has always fallen firmly under the "taker" category.... 

People that I'd been aquainted with through either social situations or guys/people I knew through playing in competitive sports around the US over the years.... People I'd been around but not chosen to befriend - but was affable with....

 

Basically 2 types of people - those that do to others & those that do for others....Spending time around people it's easy to spot....One feeds off the other....

 

Any time somebody has offered to let me show them Thailand  (like a magnanimous gesture on their part) I have backed off (again - takers) known through association....

 

Others that have mentioned they're thinking of visiting Thailand & would we have some time available have been welcomed....

 

If you've known somebody at different levels over the years but not pursued a friendship or additional time with them at this stage of life, there's probably been an underlying reason....

 

Food for thought....

[sipi]

5 minutes ago, pgrahmm said:

Everybody that has approached me saying they are "going to let me show them Thailand" or a similar such implication has always fallen firmly under the "taker" category.... 

People that I'd been aquainted with through either social situations or guys/people I knew through playing in competitive sports around the US over the years.... People I'd been around but not chosen to befriend - but was affable with....

 

Basically 2 types of people - those that do to others & those that do for others....Spending time around people it's easy to spot....One feeds off the other....

 

Any time somebody has offered to let me show them Thailand  (like a magnanimous gesture on their part) I have backed off (again - takers) known through association....

 

Others that have mentioned they're thinking of visiting Thailand & would we have some time available have been welcomed....

 

If you've known somebody at different levels over the years but not pursued a friendship or additional time with them at this stage of life, there's probably been an underlying reason....

 

Food for thought....

As I said "without going into a lot of detail"..

They are fine..

Ok, back to the topic..

[pgrahmm]

44 minutes ago, sipi said:

As I said "without going into a lot of detail"..

They are fine..

Ok, back to the topic..

I wouldn't worry about it Sipi.....

 

They'll probably be waiting at the airport in Taiwan & wondering why you haven't picked them up....

[sipi]

33 minutes ago, pgrahmm said:

I wouldn't worry about it Sipi.....

 

They'll probably be waiting at the airport in Taiwan & wondering why you haven't picked them up....

I spoke to them for 2 hours today at the boxing Mojo, as I do 3 times a week. Amongst other things we do together. But no, I wouldn't consider them close friends.

[sipi]

In all honesty PG I have totally lost interest in showing anyone anything after this thread.

Reading about it is painful enough.

[watcharacters]

14 hours ago, Hutch68 said:

[pgrahmm]

57 minutes ago, sipi said:

In all honesty PG I have totally lost interest in showing anyone anything after this thread.

Reading about it is painful enough.

Yeah - obviously - because you missed the punchline humor I sent your way a few back....

 

Actually some good stuff came about....No bickering or trolls either - that's something of an accomplishment all by itself....

 

 

[bazza73]

15 hours ago, cyberfarang said:

So right.

 

In the past I`ve had so called friends or extended family members that I wasn`t really close with in England, email me saying; they are coming to Chiang Mai, would love to meet me and could I show them around. Then I ended up staying in the same hotel with them for 3 days and 2 nights and taking them on tours, all at my own expense. Then we said our goodbyes, they returned to England and not even an email to say they arrived back safely or a thanks. After which hardly ever heard from them again.

 

Now when old friends, extended family or acquaintances messages me saying they are visiting Chiang Mai, I make my excuses and say I`ll be away when they arrive and sorry to have missed them. I would advise the OP to do the same.

Agree.

I had some friends from Australia come on a tight budget. They got a week  at my condo free, then another 4 days at my GF's house, again free plus food.. I was OK with that.

What blew it for me was that I took them all through the Golden Triangle - Doi Mae Salong, Mae Sai, Chiang Saen and Thoeng. Not once did they offer to pay for petrol, and I filled up at least four times with them in the car. Haven't heard from them since.

Never again.

 

[pgrahmm]

20 minutes ago, bazza73 said:

Agree.

I had some friends from Australia come on a tight budget. They got a week  at my condo free, then another 4 days at my GF's house, again free plus food.. I was OK with that.

What blew it for me was that I took them all through the Golden Triangle - Doi Mae Salong, Mae Sai, Chiang Saen and Thoeng. Not once did they offer to pay for petrol, and I filled up at least four times with them in the car. Haven't heard from them since.

Never again.

 

All too common - unfortunately....

[jeab1980]

Sounds to like there freeloaders. Get you to do all the hard work.expecting you to fork out for there holiday. Say yes and the cost will be x amount watch them back track. 

About a year after i settled in Thailand suddenly people who i have not seen or heard from for years were suddenly my best friends!. Dobt do it.

 

[pgrahmm]

19 minutes ago, jeab1980 said:

Sounds to like there freeloaders. Get you to do all the hard work.expecting you to fork out for there holiday. Say yes and the cost will be x amount watch them back track. 

About a year after i settled in Thailand suddenly people who i have not seen or heard from for years were suddenly my best friends!. Dobt do it.

 

True story.... 

A friend of mine & his wife have a smallish 1 bedroom place....They welcomed a visitor for a one week visit....At the end of the week the visitor didn't want to leave , liked Thailand & asked if he could stay for a year.....During the week there he mooched everything & contributed nothing.....

[sipi]

5 hours ago, pgrahmm said:

Yeah - obviously - because you missed the punchline humor I sent your way a few back....

 

Actually some good stuff came about....No bickering or trolls either - that's something of an accomplishment all by itself....

 

 

I caught the punchline P. Had a quiet chuckle but couldn't think of a witty reply.

The joys of aging.