Giving back the wedding ring Thai American

[Rhys]

 

A young Thai buddy of mine recently decided to call off his wedding to his American girlfriend...He asked me if can ask for the expensive engagement ring back?  Both are in the late 20s.   I have no clue about this.  It seems there was some sourness between them causing the breakoff.  He asked her to return it, and she refused saying that she wants to keep it as a friendship token.   I said, it is really between the two of you.  All the so called legal questionable contract not being filled, so he should get the ring back, I really don't know.  Basically, I told him forget it,  move on.

[Langsuan Man]

Good advice, there is no way you are going to come out a winner getting involved in this problem

 

But I would go here and print it out for your buddy

 

http://www.brides.com/story/if-the-wedding-is-cancelled-who-keeps-the-engagement-ring

[Rhys]

1 hour ago, Langsuan Man said:

Good advice, there is no way you are going to come out a winner getting involved in this problem

 

But I would go here and print it out for your buddy

 

http://www.brides.com/story/if-the-wedding-is-cancelled-who-keeps-the-engagement-ring

 

 

 

Thanks for the advice I will forward the article to him, but this will confirm his belief and yet offer some guidance, I hope...  cheers Langsuan man...

[Sheryl]

The societal norm in the US would be for her to return it to him.

 

But there is no way to legally enforce this. And from what you say, he has already asked and been told no. He can try again clearly stating he does not agree with her keeping it -- confident that this is OK in US culture for him to do -- but if that doesn't shame her into returning it there is nothing he can do. Except be glad that he dodged a bullet, because a woman who will not return an engagement ring under these circumstances would not be a good person to be married to.

 

Should make sure he has told her clearly that he wants it back, though. Thai in-directness can be misunderstood.

[Rhys]

3 hours ago, Sheryl said:

The societal norm in the US would be for her to return it to him.

 

But there is no way to legally enforce this. And from what you say, he has already asked and been told no. He can try again clearly stating he does not agree with her keeping it -- confident that this is OK in US culture for him to do -- but if that doesn't shame her into returning it there is nothing he can do. Except be glad that he dodged a bullet, because a woman who will not return an engagement ring under these circumstances would not be a good person to be married to.

 

Should make sure he has told her clearly that he wants it back, though. Thai in-directness can be misunderstood.

 

I think he was pretty clear in asking for it back... he grew up in the states and just has recently moved back to Bangkok.Thanks for the suggestion, I'll pass it on. 

 

One response, he was given by her was the ring was a gift and you don't ask for a gift back.,  however, the mindset of both, seem both are sticking to their beliefs.    I still suggested to him, move on.

 

Cheers Sheryl.

[bubba45]

Lot cheaper than paying her after divorce later, especially in America.  Consider it a lesson learned.

[elgordo38]

Start off with a small ring for the engagement then over time move up to a larger one if you find out your on solid ground. Just some 2017 advice. Don't start off with a family heirloom. Has the success failure rates of marriage changed or is it still you pays youse money youse takes your chances. 

Edited May 16, 2017 by elgordo38

[Emster23]

An engagement ring is like a non-refundable deposit on promise to marry. "Put your money where your mouth is" in other words. He can ask for it back, but she is under no obligation whatsoever to return it. She would face little to no social condemnation if she keeps it and hopefully sells it for a good price. I am an American, for what that is worth.

[Khon Kaen Dave]

I would leave well alone. In the last century, an English lady was entitled to return the ring, showing no loss of face for the family, thus saying," i dont want the damn thing anyway" over here, the Thai guy should thank his lord, that there is no breach of promise, or is there.

[bwpage3]

He grew up in the US yet you have to come here and write a post for him? Really? Are you reading all of these responses to him? You seem to have so many personal answers for his situation it leads a person to believe you lost the ring yourself.

[Mr Majester]

Yeah, there's no contract implied or otherwise. A wedding ring / engagement ring is a gift. She's being classless by not returning it, but he has no legal recourse or remedy. What I would do if I were him, and in a fun fiction story, would be to get her blackout drunk, steal the ring and replace it with a fake gold ring.

[hawker9000]

4 hours ago, Emster23 said:

An engagement ring is like a non-refundable deposit on promise to marry. "Put your money where your mouth is" in other words. He can ask for it back, but she is under no obligation whatsoever to return it. She would face little to no social condemnation if she keeps it and hopefully sells it for a good price. I am an American, for what that is worth.

Bluntly stated, but I have to agree.  Some might say there's an implied condition on giving the ring that the marriage actually take place.  I don't know of any basis for such a belief. It's a gift.

 

OTOH, I'd be openly scornful of any woman who kept a ring under such circumstances.

Edited May 16, 2017 by hawker9000

[ThaiWai]

"a friendship token"???  You think that's the term she will use at the pawn shop?

[Khon Kaen Dave]

5 hours ago, bwpage3 said:

He grew up in the US yet you have to come here and write a post for him? Really? Are you reading all of these responses to him? You seem to have so many personal answers for his situation it leads a person to believe you lost the ring yourself.

One ring to bind them and in the darkness find them. Tolkein.

[IAMHERE]

If she breaks the deal she gives the ring back, if he breaks the deal she gets to keep the ring. He broke the deal.

[janejira]

My understanding was ways that the engagement ring belongs to the groom-to-be and the bride-to-be wears it to show she agrees to marry. Especially true if the ring is a family heirloom ( on the groom's side).

 

If the wedding is off, I would say it goes back to him.

[Sheryl]

As above (and this is coming from American women).

 

However this is matter of common decency and social norms, not something that can be legally enforced.

 

 

[Sheryl]

Actually I should qualify that. It cannot be legally enforced without going to court. Men have sued to get engagement rings back and in most cases in the US the courts rule in their favor on the grounds that an engagement ring is a "conditional gift". But it seems to vary a bit by state and by judge.

Whether it is worth the umpleasantness and expense to sue is another matter.

[The Fat Controller]

During my many bored winter days back in the UK last winter watching Judge Judy (don't laugh), it seems that the engagement ring is ALWAYS awarded to the man when it goes to court if the wedding has not taken place.

[Rhys]

....well as the say Diamonds have high resale value... perhaps part of the motivation for both.

[Mr Majester]

On 5/18/2017 at 2:14 PM, The Fat Controller said:

During my many bored winter days back in the UK last winter watching Judge Judy (don't laugh), it seems that the engagement ring is ALWAYS awarded to the man when it goes to court if the wedding has not taken place.

Judge Judy isn't anything to laugh at - she's the highest paid celebrity in the world! She's also pretty accurate in terms of judgement... however everyone who goes on her show gets paid when they appear and the judgements are paid by the show not by the person who is awarded against. That may skew her decisions.

[Thongkorn]

Ring+ Gold + MONEY