At the end of it, what would you do

[BEVUP]

16 minutes ago, thehelmsman said:

Like yourself I work overseas, being away for 5-6 mos at a time. it's a tough one, a hard balancing act. Car in your name is a must. Next, keeping a budget for household spending has to be done. I'm not a role model in that dept. as I don't keep a tight rein on my money. We have 1 kid together, house and car paid for, I figure apr 50-60 K bht/mo. gives her a good life when I'm away. When I'm home we spend more.

 

Walking away from your lady is easy but to walk away from kids is so very hard. Especially when you want only the best for them.

Yep understand, I give 50k & that includes the bills as we have went through this to nut it out & when i come back it,s a bit more ( I'm usually back every mth )

We go pay the big bills together - schooling/insurance

But if I'm going to be ridden again it will be in MY car heading away

At the end of the day it is not for me but our son , but if half the Thais wont to be with nothing when their 60 + I guess it is up to them as the saying goes

[BEVUP]

6 minutes ago, Been there done that said:

Career/money or kids, not a difficult choice I think.

Depends on the situation 

do you want to be living day by day as a single parent in your home land where you would certainly have no money at all if you had to pay a full time nanny & rent /power at 5 X the cost here 

 

PS: I would like to know what country you would be living in without no help raising kids

Edited July 19, 2017 by BEVUP

[sandrabbit]

On 2017-7-13 at 7:05 AM, BEVUP said:

The gates not the issue as my wife is the willing financier, it all happens whilst I'm not here as i still have to work abroad 

They all come along with the promise & the shit hits the fan they don't even tell you so you also end up with a substantial late fee

I'm sure I paid for the BIL house

& I reckon even the Thais are doing better then me ( at least they can get a new car )

You need to read this thread 42 pages long for some similar stories to yours. Seems a few people have had enough.

 

https://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/990487-the-poisonous-brother-in-law/

 

Edited July 19, 2017 by sandrabbit

[Been there done that]

36 minutes ago, BEVUP said:

Depends on the situation 

do you want to be living day by day as a single parent in your home land where you would certainly have no money at all if you had to pay a full time nanny & rent /power at 5 X the cost here 

 

PS: I would like to know what country you would be living in without no help raising kids

Its your kid so if you want him to be raised by bottomfeeders while you are away working, fine with me mate.

 

Better you reassess your situation and not seek excuses of not doing the safe, and correct, thing. For your child.

[Watchful]

16 hours ago, BEVUP said:

No can't do that as i work in remote places & I am now in the process of pushing forward so my hard earned cash can't be siphoned 

There's only the house that is in my wifes & sons name (hopefully can't be touched without a court order ) & the car that within a few days of new purchase shall be in my name after losing the 9 yr old vigo with the massive debt 

 

BEVUP, perhaps you can help me understand your strategy here. I don't understand why you would pay cash for a new car. Why not finance? 

 

Once you own a car free and clear, you know your wife's family will once again attempt to extract any value they can. Seems to me the simpler solution is to have very little value tied up in this car. Of course, you simply must have theft insurance and usually finance companies mandate it as well as collision insurance.

 

If your wife seems willing to take on debt to help her family, that is NOT so terribly uncommon. It happens all over the world!

 

Seems to me where this is all breaking down is your wife feels insulated from the consequences of this debt. If you normally send her 50K each month, why not itemize debt repayments and subtract from the 50K so she sees that she ends up with less for herself and son.

 

I mean, why not play Santa Claus or super hero if there are no consequences?

 

The key is you simply must make the "consequences" painfully visible.

 

 

Edited July 20, 2017 by Watchful

[BEVUP]

1 hour ago, Watchful said:

 

BEVUP, perhaps you can help me understand your strategy here. I don't understand why you would pay cash for a new car. Why not finance? 

 

Once you own a car free and clear, you know your wife's family will once again attempt to extract any value they can. Seems to me the simpler solution is to have very little value tied up in this car. Of course, you simply must have theft insurance and usually finance companies mandate it as well as collision insurance.

 

If your wife seems willing to take on debt to help her family, that is NOT so terribly uncommon. It happens all over the world!

 

Seems to me where this is all breaking down is your wife feels insulated from the consequences of this debt. If you normally send her 50K each month, why not itemize debt repayments and subtract from the 50K so she sees that she ends up with less for herself and son.

 

I mean, why not play Santa Claus or super hero if there are no consequences?

 

The key is you simply must make the "consequences" painfully visible.

 

 

The car will be financed at 50 % of value for 4 yrs in my name

Car book will also be in my name (or insurance company till payed )

50 K include all monthly out goings

The family is the reason that the Car Book will be in my name (so wife can't touch without my approval ) - Which I'm sure that I have read on here that it's initially in Finance Companies name & then I would have to go down to LD & swap into my name ( is there a problem with that or is it just a matter of getting a Certificate of Residence )

PS: They didnt do it when fully paid for as it was still under finance - They (or the wife ) refinanced it paying of the Loan company & giving rest to family

Edited July 20, 2017 by BEVUP

[Bassosa]

After reading the thread and BEVUP's responses it's pretty obvious he's sticking it out with her. 

 

Poor decision.

[Thongkorn]

28 minutes ago, Bassosa said:

After reading the thread and BEVUP's responses it's pretty obvious he's sticking it out with her. 

 

Poor decision.

His decision whether right or wrong , good luck to him , Been there done that, regretted it later but thats hindsight, best of luck for the guy hope he works it out. You/We can give all the advice we can even if 100% right but its his decision , 

Edited July 23, 2017 by Thongkorn

[Rc2702]

Your heart is in the right place mate the sons future. Like it. But with people like that around him I'd be just as concerned so my advice is to tot it all up and show the Mrs the wastefulness and tell her to act for her families future and get away from your Mrs vulture family. I hate seeing this crap. How you can feel about taking off your own kid to support deadbeat it's the worst feeling.

[georgemandm]

On 16/07/2017 at 2:45 PM, pumpjack said:

bar girls,  here we go again,  well let me tell you over many many years ive found some bar girls to be really decent human beings.

dont matter if its a bar girl or a hi so type ,  some are cnts and some are not !

im my expirience its the office hi so type who are most greedy and dishonest ! 

I agree with you some of the hi so thai woman can be big trouble, but I for one would not get involved with a thai lady from bars , not saying those lady's are all bad , but that is me , Been there and done that .

i tell friends if you want a thai lady try not get  involved  with a lady from the bars ,

as they seem to get very bad habits from the other ladys from the bars .

[georgemandm]

On 16/07/2017 at 8:23 PM, Thongkorn said:

 Correct , at worst you can walk Away.

Thai Culture is to take care of their own ,  Forever, its been in bred for 100s of years you will never change it. 

I have a Thai wife lucky , up to now she works and sends a littel money home now and again , She bought the House in Thailand not me, 

You let this develop,  Truth Often hurts and we dont want to hear it, She loves your money not you,  Having children is oftern a tool , Done not  out of a loving relationship but as a means of control.

How true are your words.

[BEVUP]

On 7/25/2017 at 2:50 AM, Rc2702 said:

Your heart is in the right place mate the sons future. Like it. But with people like that around him I'd be just as concerned so my advice is to tot it all up and show the Mrs the wastefulness and tell her to act for her families future and get away from your Mrs vulture family. I hate seeing this crap. How you can feel about taking off your own kid to support deadbeat it's the worst feeling.

Yes it's about the family *@&*ing with the wifes head ( It's Family) 

& yes their taking from my Son( mainly) & Wife,  as I'm not worried about myself as I can't take it with me 

I do keep reminding my wife of her silly actions especially when she asks of something that might cost a little bit,

" No can't do as your family took all the money )

I have now solved the problem (just waiting on Toyota) - House in wife / sons name (needing court order to mortgage ) & car shall be in my name ( the 2 big end purchases ). Not worried about anything else IE: Motor scoters , ect ( minor rubbish - they can take them )