Confused abit about a thai girl.

[Nerdling]

Hello guy's

 

I am a guy from Denmark 31 Years old.

I did meet a Thai girl on the internet we have been talking for a decent amount of time now we share pictures everyday of ourselfs and daily life too.

We do video calls as well.

 

My problem is that i read so many bad topics about thai girls being fake all the way to the bone. So even tho i have a good feeling about her i still worry. and want to hear what you guys think and if i should try look for anything that might indicate something bad or good,

 

When we speak on line we speak alittle about everything. and sent pictures of our dailylife too. And we do video calls too.

But when we talk about me going to take a vacction to her she talks about what we can do plus she wants me to go see her mom and dad and rest of her family too. The problem is that they life in Yasothon and she lifes in Bangkok. i dont see the problem of the cost by taking a small plane to that place and rent a hotel.

 

She asked me if i want to go for few days so i can get to see how they live and such. They are not rich in anyway same as her. The salary she makes is around 12000 thb if she does not do any overtime work. Compared to the danish salary it is not much but in her position here in denmark she would be making close to my own salary maybe alittle less. 

 

She is claiming she dont want a husband that is rich but rather a husband that will love her and be faithful to her. Witch is the standart bla bla in most countries. But over the time we have spoken she has not asked me for any money or anything like that. 

And if there is some signs that i should try look for when we text or doing video etc that i know if she is true about her words. 

 

[sirineou]

Don't let all the stories get you paranoid. , if you ask for "signs"  then that's all you will see.

 trust your instincts.

I remember when I was dating my now Thai wife for many many years , and some of the paranoia resulting from all the negativity in this and other forums.

Thank god I did not let it wreck our relationship. She is the best thing that happen to me I could not be happier.

[Nerdling]

Hi Sirineou.

 

Thanks for your reply i did consider that as well. and that would be just the perfect way to <deleted> something up that would have been perfect.

 

And i am really trying look past all the negative stories. because they are also some really good stories out there that shows how faithful and carring thai girls can be.

 

[Damrongsak]

Neither my wife nor I were looking for a relationship, it just ended up that way.  A bit lumpy at times, but it's worked out OK over the past 39 years.  She's definitely the better half of the relationship.  Good Mother, too.

 

When we first met, I hired her to do my laundry.  She would walk 2 kilometers round trip to pick up and deliver unless someone had a motorbike out and about.  She didn't speak English back then, but had an uncanny ability to communicate with me in simple Thai. 

 

 

[puanddavid]

I too went through this dilemma, and when I sought advice I usually found negative results. Especially from my family in the USA, they thought I was crazy to even consider this, mainly because of all the negative stigmas they had heard; mail order bride, gold digger, etc.
I will pass on a piece of advice my thai tailor gave me. I asked him if it could be real love, and could something like this actually work, and he said there are two types of Thai people, jai dee and jai dum (good hearted and black hearted). If you meet a good hearted girl, then all your dreams can come true. Black hearted, and you'll find out quickly enough, you could end up with a broken heart and bank account. The key is go with your gut feeling and take things slowly.
I ignored his advice and jumped in head first, we've been married now 10 years. It hasn't been a bowl of cherries, no marriage is, but I would do it over again. My wife turned out to be on the jai dee side of the block, even if just barely:)
My advice to you is take a trip to Thailand and check it out. That's the only way you can truly know. Worst case scenario is you'll go there and not like her, then you'll have to be single in Thailand for a few days/weeks, woohoo!
If you do hi visit her family in issan (my wife's family is from Yaso too), don't let it ruin your day if you do get hit up for a small amount of cash, its normal and a show of ability to provide. Don't give anymore than you can afford, and don't go buying grandma a house or anything like that (yet). But buying a big dinner for the clan is a good start.
Note, marrying a Thai woman is a package deal, and lending future support to the parents is part of it.


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[jaymbkk]

Classic story, that's always how it starts. [emoji23]

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[esprit]

7 hours ago, puanddavid said:

I too went through this dilemma, and when I sought advice I usually found negative results. Especially from my family in the USA, they thought I was crazy to even consider this, mainly because of all the negative stigmas they had heard; mail order bride, gold digger, etc.
I will pass on a piece of advice my thai tailor gave me. I asked him if it could be real love, and could something like this actually work, and he said there are two types of Thai people, jai dee and jai dum (good hearted and black hearted). If you meet a good hearted girl, then all your dreams can come true. Black hearted, and you'll find out quickly enough, you could end up with a broken heart and bank account. The key is go with your gut feeling and take things slowly.
I ignored his advice and jumped in head first, we've been married now 10 years. It hasn't been a bowl of cherries, no marriage is, but I would do it over again. My wife turned out to be on the jai dee side of the block, even if just barely:)
My advice to you is take a trip to Thailand and check it out. That's the only way you can truly know. Worst case scenario is you'll go there and not like her, then you'll have to be single in Thailand for a few days/weeks, woohoo!
If you do hi visit her family in issan (my wife's family is from Yaso too), don't let it ruin your day if you do get hit up for a small amount of cash, its normal and a show of ability to provide. Don't give anymore than you can afford, and don't go buying grandma a house or anything like that (yet). But buying a big dinner for the clan is a good start.
Note, marrying a Thai woman is a package deal, and lending future support to the parents is part of it.


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It should as you say be a "package deal".  However in some cases it just becomes a "baggage deal", generally for a lazy Father and one son who takes after him.  The other Brothers and Sisters are quite often OK.  Just be mindful and only help those that deserve it.

[CharlieH]

This is in the WRONG forum.

This is the "Ladies forum" FOR Ladies not about them.

 

MOVED.

[07918092]

I am on my 2nd trip ATM. I was very suspicious about my girl even though she never asked for money. We originally met in Bangkok. She lives and works 2 hours drive away and her home town is 6 hours away. She has 2 boys her mum takes care of and she provides for her family including one brother. In Bangkok she even suggested bringing her mum and 2 boys over. I thought why not. Happy to meet them as they are a major part of her package so I should meet them if I am serious about this girl. We had a nice time. She was very protective about the culture including lady boys whom she works with. I wasn't sure about this at first but respected that this part of their culture. I am now staying at her place in Saraburi getting to know her more. It's way more relaxed and she is way more open with many things now. She's taught me to be patient as I just want to go full steam ahead. She is very passionate girl and is a total dream come true. I still have a while to go but I feel much better this time round being in her environment. Yes, trust your gut and you should be able to find out what color heart she possesses. Thai culture is so amazing!!!


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[pumpjack]

so,  why the post , what are you asking ?  and what do you hope to get from this post ?

 

im a little confused 

[champers]

Good luck Nerdling. Going to meet the family is a good idea. If you hit it off with the Thai lady and her family, I would advise you to take your time and not rush into anything against your instincts.

[yellowboat]

Just gently tell her you would like to spend time on her.  Meeting her parents can wait until the two of you are better acquainted.  She could be quite innocent and feels beholden to her family.  If she is not innocent, she will make you feel uncomfortable.  If that happens, just walk away and forget you ever met her.  There are good women in Thailand, as well as, bad. 

[wombat]

run , run very fast.

 

[colinneil]

Nerdling i have been in your situation, met on-line, year later got married,.

We have been married 6 years never a problem.

Saying that i was married to another Thai  who was the exact opposite, money,money,money, never enough.

Now if you want to be sure try a few tests.

Has she asked you for money?

Does her brother live at home with her?

Does she have any children?

Has she spoken about you building a house here?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, get the hell out NOW.

[irwinfc]

you're not likely to hear/read successful mixed relationships (male foreigner + thai lady) because those who've had failed relationships are a lot less reluctant to share their nightmares with thai women. moreover, those guys often look at the wrong places for "love". do take their pieces of "advice" with a loads of salt. do a thorough background check, trust your instincts, and know when to jump in or run off. you're still young, hang on to your freedom for as long as you can. have fun. as we say in my home country, when it comes to women... "collect then select!"

Edited July 17, 2017 by irwinfc

[jimmym40]

Just be aware.    Things are sitting pretty.    You are convinced it's love and dreaming of great plans for the future.     You just don't hear about these circumstances.    The girls that ending up with all the sweat talk, get to the promised land (meaning marriage, then moving the the individual's home country).    Then, after a couple/few years, after settled down and learning the ropes, either find a new sponsor/husband, or sugar daddy, and moves along, leaving you depressed and bewildered.

 

Be sure to get to know her, don't get married soon afterward, see how things play out.

[SOUTHERNSTAR]

As a rule never think of a permanent relationship (marriage) during the first 3 years of knowing a person. If after 3 years you are still together then you can start to think about permanent arrangements. Most of the people getting into trouble got too serious too fast. If she is fake it should show within 3 years and if she is true that should also show. 

[Juan B Tong]

I say a tell tale sign would be something like an Arsenal tattoo on her back

 

Most here go for Man U

[Minnehaha]

At 31, and it sounds like your salary is not, shall we say, enough to make you independently wealthy in the next 20 years or so ... 

My suggestion 

Go to Thailand. Spend the money and go. Do not be honest with her about the dates - add in a week or 2 before you see her. And bring some dosh with you. 

Look for a wealthy, educated Thai woman of the same age or maybe bit older ... say 34 or 35. Women are at their sexual peak at about this age. (We know men are at theirs at about 18). And I emphasize meeting as many as possible during this time. No need to do 4 or 5 a day but try to meet at least 5 or 6. Try to do things with them including the obvious - eating, sleeping, and films. Try traveling a bit with them if you see it is appealing. I also emphasize looking for women who are financially well off. The richer the better, in general, although one needs to be careful about making such generalizations. 

 

It is easier to deal with a woman who has her own money ... it is usually easier to see motives. Your post seems to be primarily concerned about this issue. 

I would add that life is easier when you have a pile of money. 

[Straight8]

No one here finds it strange how this girl is making plans to take the OP down to meet the folks, and they themselves haven't even met yet?

 

OP,  get ready for this relationship to be oh her terms and conditions the whole way through, for as long as you are both together.

 

This seems like a classic case of finding a suitable provider for her and her family, and if you can do that, you stand a good chance to prosper.

[Roger Harris]

I live here 6 years now. Met lots of people that marry Thai girls. Very very few work out. They are a totally different culture to western men. Get to know her first not the family. Remember you do not just marry her, you marry the whole family. Never lend money, buy land or houses here unless you have 100% security. Around 90% of relationships here fail within 4 years.

GOOD LUCK

[bra]

Most of the negative comments about Thai girls on Thai Visa are from men who have made a mistake in relationships and don't admit  this even to themselves. So they blame someone else who is the girl in this case - ego defence 101.

 

My recommendation is to meet her and her family, and if you get on with them and her wait for a few years - don't rush in to marriage until you are about 90% sure about it. Use your good judgement. I waited 10 years to get married to my Thai wife as she was so young when we first met and I wanted to be  sure about her and me - I had one failed marriage (my fault) and did not want to have another one.

 

But while you are thinking of yourself please be equally concerned for her. You may look like emotional and financial salvation to her and she may not have had a real loving relationship with a man before. So don't break her heart and if you do not wish to continue with her break it off as soon as you know this - don't drag it out.

 

 

[ICECOOL]

If she has not asked for money then I say thats a positive. Asking you to meet her parents is normal if she likes and trusts you. Suggest you take her shopping and see if she likes to spend or overspend [emoji4] Thats what I did. Still with my beautiful girl 7 years later.

[portroyal]

Don't listen to anybody

Just ask if you really want to live with her or not

If she is lying you will discover it too late, if not you will have been happy

Be aware anyway that for a thai girl her family is first

[Kabula]

Go with the flow, but keep your heart guarded.

 

Ask her if she has any close girl friends.  If the answer is no....big red flag.

 

Ask her if she has any friends?  If the answer is no...bigger red flag.

 

Ask her how she gets along with her family?  If she says she doesn't; ask why?

 

Ask her if she was ignored as a child, and abused mentally or sexually by family members?

 

Ask her if she is dating anyone and if so, for how long?  

 

Ask her if she is bi-sexual?

 

Ask her if she is married?

 

 Ask her if she  has ever been diagnosed with HIV or syphilis?

 

Ask her how her family is doing financially and if they expect you to pay money and if so how much monthly?

 

Ask her if she is  pregnant and if she wants children?

 

If she refuses to answer your questions...RUN

 

Ask her what can she contribute to your relationship!

 

If you feel like  you are pushed into a cul-de-sac and feel more pain than normal  from intentional sabotage ......RUN!

 

 If she is beautiful and always doing selfie's and looking in the mirror she's probably a narcissist.   If she tells you she's not a good person, and makes odd statements, admits to being ignored, taking cell calls and running, and tells you she feels nothing without getting cash, she could very well be a covert narcissist with absolutely no soul.  A very dangerous creature.

 

Ask the  hard questions few do and be the first to bail if she is causing you pain and sleepless nights.

 

Hey, the backup rental is always available 24 hours!

 

Good luck!!

 

 

[Foozool]

Don't jump on the 1st case. Do it by your brain. You need to know more about this country and people before any commitment. 

Dont forget, you will not have have difficulties if you just get committed here with empty pocket. 

 

[bazza73]

There are good Thai girls, and bad ones. Just as there are good and bad Thai families.

Just leave 80 - 90% of your assets in your home country.

IMHO if the family starts asking for money to help, it's time to walk away.

[SOTIRIOS]

...what do you want to hear.....that..... 'She is different'....???

 

......you can listen to others' 'success'...that they will 'swear by'....

 

...but in the end....it is a 'zero sum scenario'....

 

...whatever you put in....is lost....never to be retrieved .....even rarely so in court....

 

...and her gain....

 

...those are the sad facts....and no...not racist.....

 

....the degree to which this has been happening....and the sheer volume....has allowed her...like others...to know exactly what to say....and how to 'act' even....

 

...and what the possible outcomes are...

 

...they have nothing to lose....and everything to gain......

 

....so choose wisely....

 

...the ones in denial ...maybe they....... 'have.... or had ....enough to lose'....

 

...romance....or other healthy emotions or social behavior....do not exist here....they are all just feigned...

 

...some might argue that is the case everywhere else in the world too.....

 

....but I do not remember ever being lied to or cheated...in my life...until I 'fell for a Thai woman who told me everything I wanted to hear'...and eventually cleaned me out...

 

...they are very good at it...and very patient...because they know that 'all conditions are in their favor'....

 

...my experience...and my opinion...

 

Edited July 17, 2017 by SOTIRIOS
syntax and spelling

[Kadilo]

The usual wild unfounded stats flying around about failures etc. So many bitter and twisted "victims" You undoubtedly need to go in with your eyes wide open just as you would with any female you meet on the Internet anywhere in the world.
You don't lead a checklist around whether she has kids, a brother living at home (<deleted>!) leave these for the saddos. What you do need is common sense and to be streetwise and experience life here as it is for the majority.


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[OmarZaid]

Any doubts?  ... hire a detective to check her and the family ... don't say a word