Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur Visa Run Report

[nickbkk]

I did a visa run/holiday to Kuala Lumpur just before Christmas. To help placate peoples' fears, here is my report.

I'll try to avoid repeating stuff covered in other recent reports on the same subject and keep this brief.

I have done something in the region of 20 border runs in the last 3 years, including two accidental over stays (My own stupidity both times. I misread the stamps.)

For various reasons, I left it a bit late so my flights were not as cheap as you can get them. BKK to KL on 19 December and KL to BKK on 23 December cost me just over 6,000 baht.

I took the 7.10am flight out in order to avoid traffic. It's a bummer getting up at 4am but it's a bigger bummer chewing through your finger nails at 9am while you sit in traffic, hoping you don't miss your flight!

Caught a taxi to Suvarnabhumi Airport from the Victory Monument area at 5am. Was at departures by 5.40. Quite a number of long queues but we were processed rapidly and soon enjoying a Burger King Chicken (allegedly) sandwich of some type.

Don't misread your gate number. Suvarnabhumi involves LOOOOONG walks and you really don't want to find yourself having to leg it back the way you came.

The flight left on time. If you're really worried about legroom, get in position to be at the head of the queue at the gate and grab one of the seats by the emergency exits. The flight is in the region of 2 hours so I'm not really bothered.

Once you're through the gate, you pile, cattle-class, onto buses for the drive out to the aircraft where you get to climb the stairs, just like we used to in the 60s. Old skool, namsayin?

To paraphrase Air Asia, "The whole world's gone nuts and everybody's a touchy PoS, so we can claim to avoid anybody getting upset on the plane by preventing you from dragging half a roast suckling pig and dunking it in virgins' breast milk before swallowing it whole. We offer healthy, tasty alternatives."

Alternatives like Pot Noodles and Kit Kats. I'm offended!!!!

So, if you really can't go three hours without eating, they have some passable sandwiches on board or you can sneak your own snack on board and either wolf it down to the consternation of the trolley dolleys or sneak it into your starving mouth.

The return leg has better food!

Air Asia flies into LCC, the el-cheapo terminal at KLIA. It's a big shed with no ambiance or charisma. There are several airbus services that take you into the centre of KL for 90 baht.

Or you can take the shuttle bus to KLIA for about 80 baht (sorry, I forget how much it was) and catch the express train service which costs 350 baht.

Total journey time from the airport to KL centre, including waiting for buses, shuttles, etc., is about the same - 45 to 60 minutes.

I really would not bother with taxis from the airport. Indian mafia run the taxis in KL and the experience is much less comfortable than in Thailand. The taxis are crappy old Protons based on even crappier, even older Mistubishi designs. At least they don't double-price for farang - the dodgy Indian taxi drivers try to rip off EVERYBODY. And don't pick fights with the Indian taxi drivers. They have worse tempers than Thais and much, much more backup.

Just take the airport buses, m'kay?

Oh, and pack your double-barelled yaa dom. I'll come back to that later.

You can get the lowdown on applying for your visa at the embassy in other threads but GO EARLY. We partied a bit too hard the night before and arrive about 9.30, by which time there was already a considerable queue. Luckily, it was not too hot during my trip.

They threatened to close the outside gate, leaving us on the outside, but relented and let everybody in.

To the embassy staff: THANK YOU, YOU GUYS ARE FANTASTIC!!!!

I mean that. These wonderful people worked straight through their lunches, without ANY breaks to take in all the applications. I didn't get out until about 2.30 in the afternoon and the staff had not stopped.

And to you ignorant, difficult, stupid, unwashed, badly-dressed, inconsiderate, thoughtless morons: pull your bloody socks up, will you? Please have a wash before going to the embassy and try wearing something your parents wouldn't cry to see you in!

The number of farang who show up at the embassy, dressed like they're going to the beach, a toga party, or a frat hazing, is incredible. Have a little respect for government employees who are doing they're damndest to help.

Do some research and prepare for your application. It takes about 10 minutes to find out that you will need your passport (with suitable time and pages remaining), a copy of your passport, some money, a passport photo and a pen, with which to complete the application form. Please don't arrive and cost the rest of us ten minutes because you're unprepared. Please, PLEASE, don't get in a huff with the embassy staff because YOU didn't do basic research.

It adds up. The rest of us can be out of there maybe two or three hours earlier if people like this had a little brain and forethought.

Try not to arrive completely hungover and exhausted. If embassy staff ask you the wrong question, you could put a foot wrong.

HERO STEPS OFF SOAPBOX

CUT TO The Next Day.

Arrive at 11am. Left 2 minutes later with my single-entry Tourist visa.

And it really is that easy, folks.

There are no visa agencies to smooth the job in KL because it's an embassy and there aren't the same back doors available at some consulates.

I hung out in KL for five days with friends who are locals and enjoyed the inside track.

Be warned: unlike BKK, there ARE neighbourhoods where you can very likely get yourself in a lot of trouble should you venture there at the wrong time. Keep your eyes open and your wallets safe.

KL is nowhere near as friendly, comfortable or easy-going as BKK. It's much more like American and European cities. The roads and sidewalks/pavements are bigger, smoother, better condition, less cluttered etc. The shopping and offices are first world, not wanna be. They do luxury like the real world, not like SoamI Paragoners.

Some of the clubs there (Aloha had just opened) are seriously decked out. Some are pretty rubbish (The Beach, if you absolutely, positively MUST go home with cheap, skanky hos) I saw farang there who could show BKK's neanderthal Pattaya hounds a thing or two about Cro-Magnon foreheads.

Booze is PRICEY. One family restaurant/bar was running a great promotion: 5 regular bottles of Heineken for 850 baht.

If you get caught in a compromising arrangement (ie, she's in your room) with a Muslim Malay girl, SHE gets in trouble. If she's not Muslim, she may still catch heat. The religious police are not as active in KL as in some other states but they have been known to show up at club at 2am and drag EVERYBODY to the cop shop on heavy-duty charges like "showing too much skin." What a riot. Chinese girls should be ok.

You don't just flag down taxis on the street like BKK. You're supposed to find a taxi rank. There is no flat charge, so short trips in the centre CAN be cheaper than BKK. If the driver's Chinese, you should be ok. If the driver's Indian, you might have trouble getting him to use the meter. If he's Malay, well, most of the people here won't be able to tell the difference.

Pretty well EVERYBODY speaks English. Most people speak about 15 languages. Ok, maybe only 5. There are Indians there who speak Chinese, some of them more than one Chinese. Quite how that might help you on your visa run, I'm not sure, but you never know and it's an interesting factoid.

The monorail is not a patch on the SkyTrain. The monorail has less coverage, is more expensive, is smaller, hotter, smellier and less comfortable. But it's there, it works and it's convenient. And it has some cute chicks, too.

However, the monorail is where the yaa dom comes in to the story. Unlike Thailand, where most people are paranoid about any kind of bodily odour, in KL, one often enjoys a wonderful miasma of spicy, decades-before Indian cuisine-sweat, Middle East pitstank, garlic breath, and just plain halitosis.

I'm sure there's a top-secret US military research installation, deep beneath a granite mountain somewhere, trying to develop an effective "less than lethal" crowd control technology based on the nasty niffs on offer in KL's monorail. I'm equally convinced that the only reason the White House admitted to waterboarding was to take the heat off the use of the same fragrant weapon during interrogations of kids from Colorado and Indiana who mistakenly mumbled "modern business hub aviation is The Bomb, yo!"

I think that's about it, basically.

Come prepared. Avoid walking in quiet areas too much at night. Plug your nostrils with yaa dom when on the monorail. Arrive at the embassy early.

I left Thailand on the morning of the 19th. I went to the embassy the morning of the 20th. I got my passport back WITH my single-entry Tourist visa on the morning of the 21st. I spent the rest of my time walking around, shopping, eating, drinking. And telling off the hotel for being such utter boneheads.

In between, I scored a Maxis SIM card for 88 baht. Stuck 300 baht credit (30 ringitt) on the phone. Wasted 2 fruitless days with the world's worst customer service (ie, ANY customer service in Malaysia - except, perhaps, the very best hotels) trying to sort out my GPRS. But that's best left to another thread.

I enjoyed KL. If anything, I think the women are even hotter. On the whole, they're certainly better-educated and speak better English. And yes, boys, the brown girls there are plenty into farang men. The Chinese girls are more Chinese and the Malay women are much more often incredibly beautiful.

Return to Thailand was just as easy.

Took the rail express to KLIA (350 baht). Took the shuttle to LCC (about 80 baht, I think). Duty free sucks at LCC. Food and beverage sucks at LCC. There is nowhere near enough seating, especially given all the greedy bastards who hog extra seats and lie down.

For a bit of fun, scan the departures monitor for flights to places like Jakarta and watch the near-WWF scrum that ensues when they announce that people can start queuing for the gate. You'd think these people were risking standing up on a boat for a week. Maybe they are, I dunno.

The food available on the return flight to BKK was much better. I had some Malaysian chicken curry and rice for 70 baht. It was impressively good.

There were four very hot female air stewardesses with great uniforms and hair, and even better legs. I have never seen so many men pay such close attention to the inflight-emergency instructions. The only bummer was not being able to concentrate enough on all four.

Suvarnabhumi was fine on the way back in. A bit of a queue at immigration. It's about a 30 foot walk to the baggage carousel. Of course, ours broke. After ten minutes, some of us were told to go to another baggage carousel. The rest of us figured out something was up and followed.

Customs was the usual incredibly arduous procedure: just walk straight through.

There was clear signage telling me where to get a taxi and I went there and I got a taxi. There was a large number of people queuing for taxis but they processed the queue very rapidly, handing out receipts clearly-stamped "50 baht service charge" so maybe they ARE doing something about annoying touts.

My taxi driver was excellent, even knowing exactly how to get around a messy section of backed up traffic on the tollway.

Overall, it was all a great pleasure and beats border runs by a country mile. Take the time out and enjoy it!!

Let me reiterate my thanks and praise for the staff at the embassy. This is not sucking up. I am really amazed at the crap they tolerate from smelly, stupid, ignorant, unpleasant, difficult, unattractive applicants. Were I in their shoes, I would have half of those people chucked out of my embassy.

If I've forgotten anything, just ask here and I'll do my best to reply.

Good thing I kept this brief, eh?

Happy New Year, y'all!!!

[junkofdavid2]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Very entertaining post AND imformative at the same time.

Thanks!

[hansunger]

i want to thank for your info about the touristvisa run to KL.

just a question: could you tell about HOTEL with reasonable price (name and location in KL). thanks

hans.

[nickbkk]

i want to thank for your info about the touristvisa run to KL.

just a question: could you tell about HOTEL with reasonable price (name and location in KL). thanks

hans.

You are welcome.

Sorry, I've only been the once. I stayed at a top-secret location known only to my organization's operatives. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

At least you wouldn't have any more visa worries.....

[wimpy]

When I flew AA to KLIA, we went in and out of the main terminal.

Edited January 1, 2007 by wimpy

[wimpy]

When I flew AA to KLIA, we went in and out of the main terminal.

Whoops. I see that AA has moved to the LCCT.

[PeaceBlondie]

Thanks for keeping it brief.

[lamphun]

Excellent post. Can't agree more about going to the embassy early.

[aussiestyle1983]

Great post!

[astral]

I understand that the monrail in KL serves the Malay areas and ignores all the others........

[nickbkk]

I understand that the monrail in KL serves the Malay areas and ignores all the others........

I understand that this statement serves a bigotted point of view and ignores all the others.....

[tropo]

*deleted* due to double posting

Edited January 2, 2007 by tropo

[tropo]

I did a visa run/holiday to Kuala Lumpur just before Christmas. To help placate peoples' fears, here is my report.

I have done something in the region of 20 border runs in the last 3 years, including two accidental over stays (My own stupidity both times. I misread the stamps.)

Were you staying in Thailand the whole time from October 1 until December 19 on 30-day stamps?

[CobraSnakeNecktie]

I understand that the monrail in KL serves the Malay areas and ignores all the others........

its not even a true statement. You can go to the chinese and india(n) areas on various lines. What other areas are you referring too?

[nickbkk]

Were you staying in Thailand the whole time from October 1 until December 19 on 30-day stamps?

Sho'nuff, Daddy-O!