Bar 'lady drink' etiquette?

[rogeroc]

1 hour ago, daphnia88 said:

Why are you even buying sl*** drink just to talk to you? Do you realise how pathetic that is?

I have met some very pleasan, entertaining and quick witted ladies in bars in Chiang Mai. I find your comment insulting and pathetic!

[Xobtsiwt]

You have a lot to learn, grasshopper.

[sawadeeken]

2 hours ago, catman20 said:

2 hours ago, elektrified said:

In 31 years of visiting/living in Thailand, I think I've bought three "lady drinks". What a waste of money.

another man after my own heart

1 hour ago, Roger Harris said:

I will not buy lady drinks, its a scam by the owners of the bar. I regrudge sitting at a table where a bar girl plonks herself watching you drink waiting for a hand out. Thats intimidation which they are taught in the bars

Just a few of the self proclaimed ex-pat "CHEAP CHARLIES", is my take....

Have the "cheap charlies" given any thought to the fact that 'girlie bars' are businesses...... Many have rent to pay, electric to pay, staff to pay, and hope for a 'profit' as well...... 

So, just like the bus companies here in the US, Who don't like to give 'free rides'........ If you want to ride the bus instead of walking...... don't be a 'cheap Charlie and PAY......... Otherwise buy your beer at 7-11 or Tesco/BigC and drink at home to get your "High" for the day.............And don't expect Bar-girls and Bar-owners to see you as a benefit to their business....... They will just 'tolerate you' at best.........

So many 'ex-pats' want to come to this 'poor' country because they think their 'pittance' of an income will entitle them to live the life of Taksin, grabbing up all the cheap stuff they can without spending their 'pitiful' assets............

The girls working in these bars (with numerous exceptions) are poor farm girls are just HUMANS....... Young women (some not so young) who have been led to believe that they can make 'good' money and have a good chance of finding a life-time partner/support......

The 'cheap-Charlies' need to re-think their 'routine daily life" and give thought to how they are viewed by Thai bar owners and Thai bar girls....... Those girls aren't there to entertain you for a reward equal to 'a cheap bowl of noodles' and then make you feel like a 'big-spender'......

If you don't have 'Bus-fare'........... walk.........

if you desire the company of a girl....... reward her (watching out for the 'sharks')....... Most of these girls are 'Human'....... Young, un-educated, in-experienced.....however desirable as ??? What-ever your case may be ???

Most ex-pats have worked in their home countries...... If they were only paid 1/10th the wages they expected..... How would they feel, but they will come to Thailand and 'take advantage' of these girls who are looking for an 'honest reward' for their services.........

I am a 77 year old American (California) and have a Thai wife in the USA 21years, a Mia-noi in Pattaya for 21 years and have befriended a number of Bar-girls thru the last 30 years...... and I can tell you that 'Cheap Charlies' are 'tolerated' at best, but those who will 'Pay the proper fare to ride the bus' are 'welcome aboard'...........

If you don't have much money now, it is probably due to your own laziness in your youth, but in any case you should not expect the 'Bus company' fo give you a free pass........... 

Pay the girls or sit alone.............. Buy at 7-11 and drink at home........... Pay the 'bus fare' or walk........... If you can't help the girls, don't expect their service.....

In the US and many countries, we have charitable organizations, collecting money for supposedly 'good causes'........ Some may be genuine, but I walk right on past................

I presently spend a month in Thailand and a month in the US, so when I go to Thailand I take my contributions that I didn't in the US with me to Thailand and then I can see exactly where my money is going...... Not so much to bar-girls but I buy drinks to help their income and tip them for drinks not bought, but I also make friends and have bought cellphones for a few and visited their homes and made improvements for their family........ Thailand and It's poor people are my 'favorite charity'........

I can Pay to ride the bus...... But it upsets me to see those that sneak on the bus to ride in luxury, without paying............

So my hope is: look beyond 'Yourself' and recognize that many of these other (Thai) people are 'unfortunately HUMAN'............

 

 

[KittenKong]

4 hours ago, elektrified said:

In 31 years of visiting/living in Thailand, I think I've bought three "lady drinks".

 

That's three more than me.

[swoods58]

I have met some very pleasan, entertaining and quick witted ladies in bars in Chiang Mai. I find your comment insulting and pathetic!

Couldn't agree more. If you have nothing constructive to say, I suggest you say nothing at all.

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[swoods58]

I have met some very pleasan, entertaining and quick witted ladies in bars in Chiang Mai. I find your comment insulting and pathetic!

Couldn't agree more. Daphnia88, if you have nothing constructive to say, I suggest you say nothing at all.

 

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[dfdgfdfdgs]

I think you need to first question why you are having more fun in these bars, than you would in a normal bar.  And the answer is probably because the girls are pretending that they like you in order to extract more money from you.

 

I'd go and drink somewhere else.  I don't know about Chiang Mai but if it's the same as BKK it's possible to meet normal girls in normal bars where they won't hassle you for more drinks or try and take advantage.  Obviously will depend on how old you are and if you look after yourself etc.

 

If you don't want to do that, and I understand the beer bars are easier to meet girls, then forget the buying drinks thing, just ask for the number of any girl you like and meet her later or another day.  If she says no she was only in it for the money.

 

Playing jenga in beer bars all night gets boring fast, anyway.

[csabo]

I was playing jackpot with a girl and said "If you win, I'll buy you a drink.  If I win you buy me one." She said ok and we played a few rounds.  She was doing well and had won 4 drinks before I finally won one.  Instead of paying up quickly she went on for 10 minutes how she "was working there for money for her kids and could not afford to buy me a drink yadayadayada."  She finally ordered my drink and when it arrived I downed it I got up mid -sad song and walked over to the next bar and found a new jackpot partner.  I don't mind paying for some entertainment and company but leave the sad song at home with your bad life choices.

Strangely enough a similar thing happened in NY bar.  A waitress challenged me to game of Knockem Sockem Robots for a drink to the winner.  We played, I won.  I said "I'll have a Jack neat."  Her reply "I don't make a lot of money, that's an expensive drink.'  My reply "I'll have a Jack neat."  

[dfdgfdfdgs]

1 minute ago, csabo said:

We played, I won.  I said "I'll have a Jack neat."  Her reply "I don't make a lot of money, that's an expensive drink.'  My reply "I'll have a Jack neat."  

 

Did she buy it?

[banlampang]

It may come as no surprise that I, personally, like to enjoy a bar that has fun and friendly vibes.  I hold that I  have some responsibility in contributing to that vibe.  When the energy is right I like to buy a small bottle of whiskey and some mixers for several ladies to enjoy.  This can usually be accomplished for 300-400 baht.  Usually the ladies pour reasonably and you can get eight drinks from the bottle.  Everybody is happy.

 

[daphnia88]

1 hour ago, rogeroc said:

I have met some very pleasan, entertaining and quick witted ladies in bars in Chiang Mai. I find your comment insulting and pathetic!

well lucky you. Or maybe your standard is not too high. You don't need to be a smart person to be "entertaining". My Mate Nate is entertaining...

[Flying Kiwi]

EASY, they ask you to buy them a drink you say yes OR no simple if you say yes you pay the going rate to buy a lady a drink and have her company at the bar, regards your 3000bt bar tab, buyer beware. OR buy her 1 drink pay for it there and then and that ill tell you what her drink will cost

[eddysmit]

7 hours ago, orang37 said:

You are way out beyond the shallow zone near the beach where etiquette means something more than "nothing left to lose: " you have been ensorcelled by the sirens, washed up on Circe's Island where you are well on your way to virtual swinehood.

 

And, when your moolah ceases to flow, you will not see the Amazing Smiles.

 

You are being conned, duped, played for a patsy.

 

Time to sober up, and grow up.

 

~o:37;

That's one of the best summing ups I have read, and a good one.

[nasanews]

Your bar bill is 3000B minus 6 Leo(500B)=2500 divided by 120B for each lady drink you end up buying 20 lady drinks a night in one bar!

You need to grow up as mentioned previously, otherwise don't complain on internet forums because feedback will not be good as you would expect it.

[MadMuhummad]

4 hours ago, 212Roger said:

My largest bar bill was 6,420 Baht at Rabbit Bar in Chiang Mai.  Wasn't worth it.  I asked and got a copy of the receipt as a souvenir...  Should I get it framed?

I wish I had this sort of self control haha.

[rogeroc]

In all the years i have been coming to CM as a tourist first and then lhen as an expat i don't think there is any real etiquette in 'lady bars'. All bars need to sell drinks so i don't see any problem in going there and not buying a lady a drink.

 

The one thing i really don't like though (and is in my opinion poor etiquette) is the guys that go into bars and want a ladies attention and feel they can touch and engage the girls without buying a drink.

 

[khunPer]

9 hours ago, Adbro1 said:

So,what is the best way of approaching the 'lady drink' situation without offending anyone or looking like a cheapskate?

In my experience, and to my knowledge from others, a polite bar-guest will always offer a drink – which can be a lady drink – for the girl (or lady) coming to chat and entertain him; but the guest is not obliged, if he's not interested at all in lady company (or that specific lady, but be polite, so she don't loose face).

 

The girls in the bars normally get a commission on drinks, which either can be a dedicated lady-drink – that may contain none or little only alcohol, so she can drink several – or a drink over certain value, for example more than 100 baht, so a lady will often drink Breezer, or Heineken, or Spy, or...

 

Typically the lady makes 30 baht (or little more) on the drink, and the bar owner wish the ladies to chat and drink, and even get the guest to buy one more drink, and also one more for the lady, because it's business, and the bar makes the money on selling drinks – many bar owners prefer the ladies to stay in the bar, and attract customers, and drink with them, rather than being compensated a small bar-fine for the lady walking out before it's late, or close to closing hour (the lady also get a commission on the bar fine, for example on a 300 baht fine, the lady will get 100 baht.

 

It's a business for everyone, and having fun in the bars, and company of one or several ladies, you'll have to join the game. Yes, you can, as suggested by a poster, compensate a girl directly with a 100 baht tip, but the primary action is buying a drink. You are gone next week, or whenever you holiday finish, but the lady stays in the bar, and her job is to keep business going as usual; i.e. drinking with customers. For some ladies the commission on drinks – and a little personal tip on top – can mean a lot, as they may not be that interested in being bar-fined a walk out. Some bars pays the girls a small salary – for example 3,000 to 5,000 baht – and together with plenty of drink commission she can make a living, while waiting for the Knight-on-the-white-horse (or in the white Mercedes) to arrive (I've seen girls waiting for 10-years, and still waiting). 

 

So how to avoid having the pockets drained, and at the same time avoid to be a Cheap Charlie?

In my experience, and from what others have told me...

1) Don't start a conversation and buy a drink for a lady you're not at all interested in company from.

2) Don't begin to buy drinks to all her "sisters" and "friend me" in the bar – especially if you come back to that bar, because then it's expected you act like that every time you show up – a polite apology may work (the girl is not interested in your company at all, just draining your pockets).

3) If you want company for the sake of company, buy a half bottle Thai spirit (for example Sang Som), a bucket of ice, and two or four mixers – the bars often have a price for a set – and offer drinks from that (you also drink that yourself, otherwise it's extremely impolite). If ladies are joining, they are interested in your company, and you can always discretely tip the preferred lady a 100-baht when you leave. Accept that some of the ladies may leave your table for joining other customers, it's expected from the bar-manager, and the girls will (probably) be more interested in making commission on lady drinks; but you had the fun of being so "you handsum man" as long as it lasted...

4) Remember that you quickly build up a reputation – the girls do chat (a lot) to each other, and the word "privacy" is not included in the Thai dictionary – so buying lots of drinks to the ladies during the first visit in an establishment, is expected to be same-same during next, and following visits (can however be very fun, if one can afford it).

5) Always remember, it's a business-game – and even more important "sanuk", meaning it shall be fun – if you follow the rules of the game, i.e. understand that it's a game, and you're are going to let some level of money fly out of your pockets with a big smile, you'll have a great time, and great fun; even for (a lot) less than 3,000 baht bills in the bin.

 

Wish you a fun time in pubs and lady-bars...

 

PS: I used to "pay-and-play", i.e. pay every time I order something, then I always know my financial status – the money left in my pocket(s) – and it's also like little more difficult to squeeze yet another "lady drink" out of my pocket, than just top-up the bin with another bill...

 

PPS: About the bottle from the convenient store.

I've experience the girls, lots of girls, wanted tequila (one or some had never tried it), which I was not interested in buying a whole bottle of for several thousand baht – especially as I was not interested in a whole bunch of girls, neither a bunch of "mao mak" bar-girls – so I said they could just go to "Seven" (there was a 7-eleven store almost opposite). The cashier nodded, and send a girl to Seven with a 1000-bath note of mine, bringing a bottle back in a bag, and change for me, and everybody joined-in for tequila – except me, because I never drink that awful stuff, I stick to my soda with a slice of lemon – and everybody had a great time, as long as the bottle lasted; however a few of the girls did not have a great time later that evening, nor the next morning...

[orang37]

2 hours ago, dfdgfdfdgs said:

...  the girls are pretending that they like you in order to extract more money from you.

Everybody who likes me is pretending, some with more style than others. For style, I'll drop a few coin.

 

Even liking myself is a role I have more, and more, trouble putting the greasepaint on for. That's why I've relocated  2000 light years from home; the rubes here will applaud anything.

 

:)

 

~o:37;

[jeab1980]

Well you all seem to be doing it wrong. Lady drinks are a way of the Bar extorting money out of there punters who just happen to be wanting to buy a pleasant lady a drink. Where i frequent whilst on holidays its 65bht for me and 130 for lady drink. Little known fact bar girls make 20bht per beer they have bought for them. Which is on top of the 300bht per day they are paid. If you bar fine a lady and you dont buy at least one lady drink for her before you leave, she will not get the 300bht daily wage.

However you can say to the lady in question if i bar fine you i will buy you 1 drink at lady drink prices then i will only buy you beer at customer prices which is allowed. She has the choice then as they say up to you. 

[terryofcrete]

I can't drink anymore ... yeah, usual story... so I tell them that I only want a coke, buy one drink for whatever lady I sit beside, not the other way round, and then ask the usual and tell her I'm nit hanging around , so , as they themselves say, " Up to You " . Most are quite happy to go after the one. 

[zzidenn]

5 hours ago, ChangMaiSausage said:

Your friend who told you he takes his own bottle into the bar sounds full of shit (unless he owns the bar, or he is paying in other ways)  Many people buy a large bottle of Sang Som, if its not finished at the end of the night it will normally be put back on the shelf waiting your return.

 

I personally can not stand girls who hang around for a drink, if she is interested and your are interested in her then buy her a drink the rest will come naturally (don't continue with the drinks all night, take out of the bar to another then you wont get roped in buying other working friends drink)  You pick the bar.

 

At the end of the day you don't sound too pissed, if you having a good time who cares enjoy yourself your not harming anyone else (the girls will just think all farang will buy them loads of drinks.  They know residents when they see them LOL. 

its fairly common to bring your bottle, you usually pay for "corkage" and then just buy the mixers from the bar. 

[natway09]

Roger Harris,,,,, spoken like a real wa   r....

Stay home,,,,,the girls don't need your pocket money.

Some people are real miseries ?

[sanemax]

I would feel quite uncomfortable, having to pay someone to come and sit with me

Massage my ego, laughing at my unfunny jokes and finding it hilarious, when I try to speak Thai badly .

   A game of pool, a game of connect 4 , sit down , smile, tell me endless lies............so, your rent money needs paying this week ?

     Today is your birthday , is it ?

You havent had sex for three years and you are feeling quite horny ?

Would you like another drink........................?

[thaibeachlovers]

11 hours ago, Chou Anou said:

If a woman sits with and spends time with you, you can always tip her directly before you leave.  She'll get all the money (not a "split with the bar"), and be fairly compensated for her time.  You won't be helping her meet whatever "lady drink quota" the bar might have set for her, but that's not your problem.

True. I used to do that. I'd give them what they would have earned as their cut of a lady drink.

However, in a bar with greedy/ desperate girls buying ONE lady drink for ONE lady worked to stop all the other ones constantly asking me to buy them drinks.

However, lately I don't care and refuse to buy any of them a drink, but that's OK as I'm in Chiang Mai, and there are hardly any girls in the bars, so the hassling is only short lived.

Depending on how long I stay in the bar, I do give a variable tip, which is shared between them all.

[Peter Pattaya]

That's what I do. Tip the girl directly 20 baht note and the coin change in the tray. This is a daily watering hole I go to. Good staff and service deserves a tip. Marque bar soi baukow Pattaya. Very well run bar. Give it a go.

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[JayBird]

Unless you wish to talk to her, simply politely ignore her, then no need to buy her drinks.

 

If you wish to talk to her, then buy her a drink when you get a drink.

 

If you choose to play pool or connect4, then something like a drink if she wins 2 out of 3 games. This can then segway into chatting for ten minutes before you repeat with more pool.

 

 

Ignore friends of hers and try to focus on one girl at a time.

[sanemax]

3 minutes ago, JayBird said:

 

Ignore friends of hers and try to focus on one girl at a time.

Could try focusing on real life friends, who choose to be there with you ?

Rather than paid for company 

[jeab1980]

6 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Could try focusing on real life friends, who choose to be there with you ?

Rather than paid for company 

I go into a good few bars and talk to friends no need to buy drinks to talk.

[sanemax]

1 minute ago, jeab1980 said:

I go into a good few bars and talk to friends no need to buy drinks to talk.

Although the topic is, going into bars and paying people to have a drink with you 

 

[opalred]

lesson i learnt very early after 14yrs here 

if you go to eat /no prices when ordering 

walk out 

in bars pay as you drink 

i always do anywhere in world

don't have do a build up bill

that is stupid asking for trouble 

cheers