Teenage daughter.. issues.. please help

[sawadeeken]

15 hours ago, tonray said:

There is a boyfriend believe me. I taught high school here several years and I saw the change in many sweet kids. Find the boyfriend and you will find the trouble.

Yes..... A high probability of a 'boyfriend' but equally so  ---  maybe it is a rebellious female classmate (a very close mate)...... At that age 'peer-pressure' is a driving force............

Teens learn more bad habits from their mates........... at and after school..............

Control their friends and you can often control them better........

Lots of luck........ Hard work will usually pay off well with rewards, when it comes to children..........

[Ace of Pop]

 
Agree that Assumption is better than Regents. But would a student/family need to be Catholic?
 
I know a Thai family who have two children there. Their mum told me they were Catholic. I asked where she went to mass - obviously question too hard!

They dont push any religion that was my first worry.Son was Boarder there up until Uni.Cant speak too well of them.


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[tonray]

Just as a followup to show how one parent handled dropping grades and BF problem. This was Mattayom Level 1

 

 

I taught IEP English and the #1 student in class started missing classes (even while seen in school) and testing poorly 2nd semester. IEP director was made aware of issue and she strong armed the other kids into getting the BF story and name. BF was in same class but bottom of the ladder and more interested in playing games than study. He also was a couple of years older than regular M1 students.

 

IEP director called father of girl, gave story and name of boyfriend. Father paid visit to BF home with monk from his Temple and asked mom and son to respect his daughter''s future. Did not forbid their seeing each other but made it clear that he was losing respect by having his daughter fall behind. That's all it took, girl and boy thus shamed, eventually drifted apart and I had my #1 back before year's end.

 

This was a smaller village and school so parents likely knew each other anyway making it easier as I think the dad was a prominent business owner in town.\

 

I think in the final analysis it was the monk's presence that convinced mom and son of the folly of his ways.

Edited August 25, 2017 by tonray

[ALFREDO]

3 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

Oh well at least you find it amusing. !

Only thing I can do - be amused about the ignorance about many doings or not reacting of Thais - their behavior, lol 

The solution of my Gf = she does not anymore talk to her niece who sleeps with us and was at least 2 nights not at home sleeping since the incident. 

Gf just said to me, I shall talk to the niece about my solution. Ting Tong!  

[robertson468]

At the age of about 13 the fantastic daughter of my sister-in-law became the daughter from hell.  It was so bad we took her in to our house and brought her up for a few years.  Everything her mother said was wrong, but the mother didn't help either as she had another younger daughter who was academically brilliant and always complied with Mum's wishes and received much praise for it.  The oft said phrase, and I am sure others have heard this, "why can't you be like your sister", which served only to stoke the flames of disunity in the Family.  Boarding School is certainly not the solution as she will only feel that she is being farmed out and will not recieve the daily Family love that is so important at this time for her.  If there are Family close by, perhaps she could stay with them for a little while so that they both can have a break from what must be intolerable tension for them both.  A little research about possible drug use, who are her Friends and does she have a Boyfried.  Both the latter have a far greater influence than Parents at this time of life and you need to try and get them on board.  Patience, love and time, I am sorry to say are the only remedies, but don't, don't push her away, that could be disasterous.

[thaiguzzi]

18 hours ago, jerojero said:

Most teens rebel, some worse than others. Therapy at that age likely will not help much. Ride it out, hopefully it will pass in a mere 2 or 3 years.

Yep.

I was a complete bastard to my Dad between the age of 15-17. Turned 19 and transformed (ish).

My Thai step daughter I've known since she was 4, was the sweetest thing with a cherry on top. Until she turned 14. Became a complete #**#. Got worse until about 17. Turned 18, started getting better and nicer again. She's now 20, at Uni, and the most pleasant, smart, funny person to be around.

[DLang]

Take her to the temple for a while.

 

Just watch that she doesn't come back pregnant. 

Edited August 25, 2017 by DLang

[Rc2702]

Sorry to say this OP but your vague information leaves me wondering if you are so vague on matters like this then why even bother.

 

Seems to me this young girl is not so detached that she needs to be shown the door or even receive therapy.

 

You say "new" which tells me you are the new but it is a guess and is it not more likely you are the problem and she is venting at the mother as a result.

 

Time and patience has not been mentioned once by you.

 

To come onto a forum thinking you have 1 or 2 options for matters which you can barely explain in an anonymous manner seems very odd and sir I am sorry but the whole world uses forums for that very purpose we are in the digital age.

 

Your antiquated narrow minded solutions appear to be quick fixes and you have to wonder whose benefit is this really for.

 

In Any event I wish you the very best of luck.

[marcenefowler]

15 hours ago, SOUTHERNSTAR said:

Sending her away will solve the problem ? Or is the parent part of the problem and should seek help for their relationship and not the childs actions.

This. At her age many changes are going on but I don't think sending her away is a good solution at all. I'd suggest spending MORE time around her, taking her to dates with you or her mother, and hold events when she can invite her friends over. 

[seancbk]

21 hours ago, dabhand said:

For boarding schools, really depends on your/his budget. The Regents School in Pattaya does boarding but, as you will know, is not exactly cheap.

There are many Thai boarding schools.   I was just talking to a Thai girl the other day who went to one that was only 10 minutes from her home but she only got to go home on weekends.

[Rc2702]

Just now, seancbk said:

There are many Thai boarding schools.   I was just talking to a Thai girl the other day who went to one that was only 10 minutes from her home but she only got to go home on weekends.

Jail bait.

[ALFREDO]

1 minute ago, seancbk said:

There are many Thai boarding schools.   I was just talking to a Thai girl the other day who went to one that was only 10 minutes from her home but she only got to go home on weekends.

Nice, loving parents 

[Mister T]

22 hours ago, Swiss1960 said:

Now the girls father is looking about either

• family therapy: Anybody knows about really good / successful family therapy, as the main issue is about the girl and the mother (with her own issues about the girls father), so that they might come together one day?
• Boarding Schools: Anybody with information about boarding schools where you can place your child and see her only on holidays? 

 

Forget the family therapy for now, get the mother to get it herself. After a few sessions she will change, then ask the daughter to become involved and help out the mother. In time they will be helping each other regain respect for everything. As said by others, boarding school is a negative cop out.

[Jaggg88]

16 hours ago, HHTel said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY

55555 he didn't become normal again until his first sh*g

[blackcab]

What stops a potential boyfriend giving her a phone so they can communicate in private. It doesn't have to be an expensive model or even a new phone.

 

We all know boys will go to all kinds of lengths when it comes to girls.

[Mac98]

The battle between mother and daughter is always the worst at that age: mom's losing "her baby" and daughter changing into adulthood. Got to give the kid room to learn freedom isn't without costs, but be ready to patch her up after her first big fall. All part of growing up.

[retiredusn]

This is a world wide problem not just Thailand, best advise I can give is getting her too a doctor for preg. pills  and sitting down for a long talk about what to be aware of. find a relative for her to talk with all so kids do not want to talk with the folks. Good Luck you have have another 2-3 years of the my parents know nothing.

[GOLDBUGGY]

She is at the Terrible Teen Age right now, which is 14 years old. Part of growing up is rebellion against her mother. For Boys it is the Father. Some better than others and some much worst than otthers. But it is a difficult time in there life and your to.

 

She is growing up and you need to realize that also. I think taking a calm and rational approach is far better then firing her off to some Boarding School. That should be the last resort. I went through this stage twice so I had some experience in this.  

[davidst01]

blame the parents for sure

[Pilotman]

My wife and I  have brought up two daughters, both very different, but their teenage years were not pleasant for anyone.  What did we do, well, we did 'stuff' with them. lost of it as a family.  We made life as exciting and different as we could.  trips away for the weekend, lots of activities.  We were fortunate to live in Scotland at the time, so lost of mountain activities and camping etc.  It seemed to work as they both got out of it in the end.  Our eldest is a Director of a mutli national travel organisation and our youngest is in the second year at Uni.  I would venture that boarding school will make your long term relationship worse than ever and it may never recover. The boy was a dream to bring up in comparison!!

[VocalNeal]

On 8/24/2017 at 7:25 PM, NancyL said:

perhaps because the rebellious boyfriend I had

 

On 8/24/2017 at 4:40 PM, tonray said:

There is a boyfriend believe me.

Seems to be a theme here. 

 

As for schooling both my nieces went to female only day school. They seemed to turn out OK.  All female school seem to remove the boyfriend/competing for males element?

 

Quote

best advise I can give is getting her too a doctor for preg. pills

 

This also has merit.

Edited August 30, 2017 by VocalNeal

[GOLDBUGGY]

1 hour ago, Pilotman said:

My wife and I  have brought up two daughters, both very different, but their teenage years were not pleasant for anyone.  What did we do, well, we did 'stuff' with them. lost of it as a family.  We made life as exciting and different as we could.  trips away for the weekend, lots of activities.  We were fortunate to live in Scotland at the time, so lost of mountain activities and camping etc.  It seemed to work as they both got out of it in the end.  Our eldest is a Director of a mutli national travel organisation and our youngest is in the second year at Uni.  I would venture that boarding school will make your long term relationship worse than ever and it may never recover. The boy was a dream to bring up in comparison!!

Good Points! The ones that have been there before knows what you are talkg about, and suffered through it. I agree also that there does come a time when they do grow up. 

 

My Oldest Daughter who matured early, and is very good looking, had all kinds of older teenage boys coming to the house to pick here up to take to adult parties, which ended up in fights and her not being able to go. She is now a Child Psycologist. My younger daughter to, got into trouble with the law all the time, and is now a Police Officer. You just never know. 

[Kenny202]

Sounds like a normal 14yo girl. They are horrible at that age

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