Did anyone end up hating Thailand after retiring?

[JAFO]

21 hours ago, billd766 said:

There have been a few over the years which were closed as the whiners and groaners couldn't understand how farangs could be happy, married with families, farang and Thai friends, so they swamped the threads withy negative comments.

Have witnessed that numerous times Billd766. I have always offered a positive side of my experience in Thailand always keeping in mind that no place is perfect and have been ripped on basically being told I can't be that content here. I usually leave the thread because I am not going to debate it with people who are miserable. We each own our on happiness or discontent. you can either change it or wallow in it. 

[JAFO]

While the thread has drifted I think much of the content remains valuable. The OP can see a cross section of folks living here and what they do. 

 

In the US (Silicon Valley, California specifically) I did all that high flutin wine snob (sorry) dinner party deals with my former wife and they were not at all my cup of tea. It all seemed so pretentious IMHO. The way people sniffed a cork, poured it, swirled it around in the glass, held it up to check clarity and then yammer on about this and that about it usually got me up and outside for some air. Strange as it sounds, my parents live in St Helena California in the middle of the wine country and I still don't drink the stuff :) so I know I definitely wouldn't find it to be something I would ever want to do here. (No offense at you Nancy L or any others that like wine).

 

I do say though that having a group of social friends is really paramount, even more so in retirement and living abroad. I have a few, both Thai and Western, and while I can go weeks on end just being with my wife and FIL around the house and out and about, occasionally I need that other interaction just to balance it. Sometimes a phone call, sometimes a meet up. I have always wondered why so many westerners come here wanting to alienate themselves from other westerners? I think this contributes to the OP's question about regretting it and hating it. They behave like this then hate the place and usually blame Thai people when going in they were basically backing themselves into an anti social corner. Do I need to meet up to play pickle, bridge, or other card games (Unless of course poker :) etc etc, Not really. But that is because my personal make up is I am an outdoor type. Mtn bike riding, fishing, motorcycle riding, working on my truck or car, fixing stuff at the house etc. So each will find what suits them here and will find (hopefully)friends with like interests. I will say that has been a challenge for me. why? primarily as most of the western guys here are retirees and older and for various reasons (age, health, physical limitations, just never did it before etc) do not do much outdoor stuff. Not saying all , just the folks I have met over my years.  I have never golfed but have been thinking of taking it up to see if I can expand into other outdoor activities.

 

Regardless ones choice, you make life what it is. Complainers fit into that misery loves company deal. I usually always steer away from complainers because I have far better things to do and am always happy and smiling. 

Edited September 7, 2017 by JAFO

[transam]

3 minutes ago, JAFO said:

While the thread has drifted I think much of the content remains valuable. The OP can see a cross section of folks living here and what they do. 

 

In the US (Silicon Valley, California specifically) I did all that high flutin wine snob (sorry) dinner party deals with my former wife and they were not at all my cup of tea. It all seemed so pretentious IMHO. The way people sniffed a cork, poured it, swirled it around in the glass, held it up to check clarity and then yammer on about this and that about it usually got me up and outside for some air. Strange as it sounds, my parents live in St Helena California in the middle of the wine country and I still don't drink the stuff :) so I know I definitely wouldn't find it to be something I would ever want to do here. (No offense at you Nancy L or any others that like wine).

 

I do say though that having a group of social friends is really paramount, even more so in retirement and living abroad. I have a few, both Thai and Western, and while I can go weeks on end just being with my wife and FIL around the house and out and about, occasionally I need that other interaction just to balance it. Sometimes a phone call, sometimes a meet up. I have always wondered why so many westerners come here wanting to alienate themselves from other westerners? I think this contributes to the OP's question about regretting it and hating it. They behave like this then hate the place and usually blame Thai people when going in they were basically backing themselves into an anti social corner. Do I need to meet up to play pickle, bridge, or other card games (Unless of course poker :) etc etc, Not really. But that is because my personal make up is I am an outdoor type. Mtn bike riding, fishing, motorcycle riding, working on my truck or car, fixing stuff at the house etc. So each will find what suits them here and will find (hopefully)friends with like interests. I will say that has been a challenge for me. why? primarily as most of the western guys here are retirees and older and for various reasons (age, health, physical limitations, just never did it before etc) do not do much outdoor stuff. Not saying all , just the folks I have met over my years.  I have never golfed but have been thinking of taking it up to see if I can expand into other outdoor activities.

 

Regardless ones choice, you make life what it is. Complainers fit into that misery loves company deal. I usually always steer away from complainers because I have far better things to do and am always happy and smiling. 

Alienation from other farangs may occur after being here a while and got the picture...I don't mix much now, l have a few friends that l get on well with, can have a laugh and not listen to crap....That is cool....

As for wine etc, l love that stuff, haven't done it for years but ignoring possible numpties around you is the key to that enjoyment...... 

[JLCrab]

14 minutes ago, JAFO said:

<snip> So each will find what suits them here and will find (hopefully)friends with like interests. <snip2>

Nobody has like interests to mine whether here or in USA which is why I'm here because here nobody asks why do you have interests that aren't similar to anyone else's like that always did back in USA.

[JAFO]

22 minutes ago, JLCrab said:

Nobody has like interests to mine whether here or in USA which is why I'm here because here nobody asks why do you have interests that aren't similar to anyone else's like that always did back in USA.

Interesting point of view.  You must have some interesting interests.  I prefer to fish alone but would much do a moto ride with some other folks. I know for myself I can be a loner if thats how it had to be but actually enjoy a balance. Having a few buddies to talk shit with is good times especially about sports...:)

[craigt3365]

On 09/06/2017 at 7:18 AM, NancyL said:

Yes, I can very much see there is a spectrum of "sexpat to expat" here.  In my experience, the most successful retirees are those who have both Thai and expat friends.  Those who hook up with a Thai partner soon on arrival and get immersed in her world become quite isolated, often deluding themselves into thing they're living "the real Thai experience" but in reality they're quite lonely and can get into big trouble when they have problems.

 

Recently, I assisted a guy who has lived here in Chiang Mai seven years and found himself in hospital without anyone to help.  He kept the management of all his finances to himself.  He had a few Thai lady friends, but thought he was being smart never to get intimate with them -- they just showed him around the area and used him as a small scale ATM to buy things for their kids.  The women would take him (and their kids) out to restaurants, even in the big malls in Chiang Mai.  The poor guy had never eaten at Dukes or Wine Connection in the CM Malls.  The Thai women had never suggested it.  They liked places like MBK, KFC, etc. in the malls. My goodness how can you call yourself a CM expat for seven years and not even know what Dukes is?  This is what happens when you rely on a Thai woman to make your dining choices for you.   

Of the dozens of friends I have here, almost all mixed couples, few if any have real Thai friends. Language is a big issue. Even in our village where a few Thai couples live, we rarely get together. We know them quite well, so not sure what the issues are.

 

Of these couples, none are lonely and isolated. And none partake of sexpat scene outside a select few.

[JLCrab]

44 minutes ago, JAFO said:

Interesting point of view.  You must have some interesting interests.  I prefer to fish alone but would much do a moto ride with some other folks. I know for myself I can be a loner if thats how it had to be but actually enjoy a balance. Having a few buddies to talk shit with is good times especially about sports...:)

I run a US-based NGO that deals with disability-related legal issues worldwide including the UN and play a musical instrument by myself with a backing track. For sport I do distance swimming with my face in the water -- not very sociable.

 

I have enough Thai fauna around so that I am not a loner.

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎9‎/‎6‎/‎2017 at 1:07 PM, jeab1980 said:

I could point out at least 3 dozen + posters as a reason not to open a positive thread. I would give it 2 replies before the doom and gloom merchants owned it.

LOL. Up to THREE PAGES on my positive thread so far and not one doom and gloom reply. One off topic and one meaningless so far.

Plenty of TVF posters that do like living in LOS.

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎9‎/‎6‎/‎2017 at 8:18 AM, NancyL said:

 Those who hook up with a Thai partner soon on arrival and get immersed in her world become quite isolated, often deluding themselves into thing they're living "the real Thai experience"

 

The poor guy had never eaten at Dukes or Wine Connection in the CM Malls.  The Thai women had never suggested it.  They liked places like MBK, KFC, etc. in the malls. My goodness how can you call yourself a CM expat for seven years and not even know what Dukes is?  This is what happens when you rely on a Thai woman to make your dining choices for you.  

I actually agree with you about that.

I think any western guy that knows little about Thailand from not living here for any length of time is foolish to think they can move in with a Thai woman as soon as they immigrate and survive the multitude of cultural pitfalls.

I have been visiting and living in Thailand since the 70's, and still got caught by the "family trap" after I got married some 9 years ago.

I think the "real Thai" experience is vastly overrated. I lived it and I prefer living somewhere with malls, cinemas and public transport.

I have no wish to live in an open air house getting eaten by mossies, little to do that I like, using a squat loo and washing in cold water. The nearest English language bookshop was probably a 12 hour journey by public transport.

I did enjoy a lot of it at the time, but it wasn't what I wanted for the rest of my life. I prefer the "not so real" Thai life in C M.

 

Unfortunately IMO you blew it with this

The poor guy had never eaten at Dukes or Wine Connection in the CM Malls.  The Thai women had never suggested it.  They liked places like MBK, KFC, etc. in the malls. My goodness how can you call yourself a CM expat for seven years and not even know what Dukes is?  This is what happens when you rely on a Thai woman to make your dining choices for you.  

 

I find it hard to believe that anyone would consider dining at a place that costs up to 1,500 baht for dinner to be a requisite for being a "real expat" or that it would be in any way a "real Thai experience".

C M has probably hundreds of restaurants that serve delicious food at a fraction of Duke's prices.

I could go on, but I do not wish to offend.

[thaibeachlovers]

2 hours ago, transam said:

Alienation from other farangs may occur after being here a while and got the picture...I don't mix much now, l have a few friends that l get on well with, can have a laugh and not listen to crap....That is cool....

As for wine etc, l love that stuff, haven't done it for years but ignoring possible numpties around you is the key to that enjoyment...... 

I don't think farangs move to LOS intending to be isolated, but I think it's more to do with not meeting people that one gets on with. It's hard enough to make friends when in a similar culture, working and in clubs etc. I'm talking about real friends, not acquaintances that just want one to buy them drinks.

I also find it's more difficult to tolerate the BS than it used to be.

[thaibeachlovers]

20 hours ago, GinBoy2 said:

No I think the entire country is somewhat unhinged, regardless of where.

No for me having a break is going to work out fine. Maybe i just need to be among people people who's brains work fundamentally the same as mine, for a least a few months of the year.

Fairly sure Thai brains work on a different frequency!

Of course they do, which is why I like Thailand. Can't stand the sheeple mentality and the OTT bureaucracy back home. It's been a welcome relief to escape from it for a while.

[NancyL]

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I actually agree with you about that.

I think any western guy that knows little about Thailand from not living here for any length of time is foolish to think they can move in with a Thai woman as soon as they immigrate and survive the multitude of cultural pitfalls.

I have been visiting and living in Thailand since the 70's, and still got caught by the "family trap" after I got married some 9 years ago.

I think the "real Thai" experience is vastly overrated. I lived it and I prefer living somewhere with malls, cinemas and public transport.

I have no wish to live in an open air house getting eaten by mossies, little to do that I like, using a squat loo and washing in cold water. The nearest English language bookshop was probably a 12 hour journey by public transport.

I did enjoy a lot of it at the time, but it wasn't what I wanted for the rest of my life. I prefer the "not so real" Thai life in C M.

 

Unfortunately IMO you blew it with this

The poor guy had never eaten at Dukes or Wine Connection in the CM Malls.  The Thai women had never suggested it.  They liked places like MBK, KFC, etc. in the malls. My goodness how can you call yourself a CM expat for seven years and not even know what Dukes is?  This is what happens when you rely on a Thai woman to make your dining choices for you.  

 

I find it hard to believe that anyone would consider dining at a place that costs up to 1,500 baht for dinner to be a requisite for being a "real expat" or that it would be in any way a "real Thai experience".

C M has probably hundreds of restaurants that serve delicious food at a fraction of Duke's prices.

I could go on, but I do not wish to offend.

No, I don't think I "blew it" in being amazed that an expat could live in CM for seven years, yet never even heard of Duke's  because he was relying on Thai women to make restaurant choices for him, even in malls (some where Duke's is located)  He was telling them he liked pizza, wanted a good hamburger and he had come to think that all Thai pizzas were made with sauce that resembles what we Americans consider to be 1000 island salad dressing, with pineapple and shrimp instead of proper tomato sauce and Italian meats because that's what the women would order at Pizza Company or where ever it was they took him.  If you want pizza or hamburger then Duke's would be on the short list of most CM Expats.  He had no expat friends.

[Pilotman]

I often wonder about expats own families 'back home'.  They seem to get few mentions on these forums, so I wonder if many  expats come here, estranged from their western family and therefore more reliant on the Thai end of their social system?  If so, no wonder some find it so difficult to adjust.   My children  are still a vital part of my support network. They will visit me regularly, my eldest arrives next week a for a few days and my youngest a few weeks later.  I don't feel disconnected from them at all, I just live somewhere quite far away from them. If I had problems, or indeed if their Mum, my wife, had some, they would be here quickly  to help. 

[JAFO]

3 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

I often wonder about expats own families 'back home'.  They seem to get few mentions on these forums, so I wonder if many  expats come here, estranged from their western family and therefore more reliant on the Thai end of their social system?  If so, no wonder some find it so difficult to adjust.   My children  are still a vital part of my support network. They will visit me regularly, my eldest arrives next week a for a few days and my youngest a few weeks later.  I don't feel disconnected from them at all, I just live somewhere quite far away from them. If I had problems, or indeed if their Mum, my wife, had some, they would be here quickly  to help. 

Absolutely. I speak with family and friends daily back in the states. Sometimes by call, sometimes through a messaging app, etc. My Dad messages me everyday saying good morning and how am I. We routinely talk back and forth about sports game that we are are watching. My daughters message or call as they have time (in fact one is mad at me right now because I am teaching her a life lesson that I am not a money tree.....). I could never alienate myself from those folks as they are a huge part of my life. In fact just finished a call with a former colleague of mine as he drove home in commuter traffic. My day was just starting. I did not leave the US mad or hating it, I moved abroad because I like it and had spent enough time in the U.S.  I felt that a change was in order. How will it all work out...who knows but that's the fun in it, something new.

 

But like you Pilotman, If something happened here or there someone would be on a plane to help. Its not like we left to Mars or anything.

[Nemises]

.......He had no expat friends.

Who needs expat friends when we have TV...

[Nemises]

TV meaning Thai Visa not television!


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[JLCrab]

Conversely, because we have ThVi, you may realize at least in Thailand it may be better not to have expat friends based upon how persons react to you on here.

My favorite was a guy who routinely said to me (and others): The reason you disagree with me is that you are too stupid to understand what I am saying.

[paulo59]

4 hours ago, Pilotman said:

I often wonder about expats own families 'back home'.  They seem to get few mentions on these forums, so I wonder if many  expats come here, estranged from their western family and therefore more reliant on the Thai end of their social system?  If so, no wonder some find it so difficult to adjust.   My children  are still a vital part of my support network. They will visit me regularly, my eldest arrives next week a for a few days and my youngest a few weeks later.  I don't feel disconnected from them at all, I just live somewhere quite far away from them. If I had problems, or indeed if their Mum, my wife, had some, they would be here quickly  to help. 

Yes there seem to be few posts about families back home. I try to contact each of my 3 children ( in their mid 20,s) once a week using FaceTime call or video as i like to keep in touch regularly and i know they are pleased that i do but with time differences and sometimes they aren't free to answer it isn't always easy

[grollies]

On 07/09/2017 at 0:08 PM, JLCrab said:

Nobody has like interests to mine whether here or in USA which is why I'm here because here nobody asks why do you have interests that aren't similar to anyone else's like that always did back in USA.

Why, are you a serial killer?

[JLCrab]

No -- cereal killer.

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎9‎/‎7‎/‎2017 at 7:04 PM, NancyL said:

No, I don't think I "blew it" in being amazed that an expat could live in CM for seven years, yet never even heard of Duke's  because he was relying on Thai women to make restaurant choices for him, even in malls (some where Duke's is located)  He was telling them he liked pizza, wanted a good hamburger and he had come to think that all Thai pizzas were made with sauce that resembles what we Americans consider to be 1000 island salad dressing, with pineapple and shrimp instead of proper tomato sauce and Italian meats because that's what the women would order at Pizza Company or where ever it was they took him.  If you want pizza or hamburger then Duke's would be on the short list of most CM Expats.  He had no expat friends.

Sorry to say, but I'm amazed that anyone would consider knowing about Dukes to be a requisite for anyone. I saw the place in Promenada, but I refuse to pay such prices for something that lasts but a few minutes, and 24 hours later is in the sewer.

I also don't get the necessity to eat western food in Thailand for an expat. If that was important, why is one even living in LOS? Sure, an occasional treat for those that have too much money, but for many of us, an irresponsibility. If I want western food, there are many restaurants in any tourist town that provide such and plenty of it for under 200 baht.

I have no expat friends in LOS. I see no demerit in that. Back in the west I was bullied, exploited by so called friends and treated like c*** by almost everyone that considered themselves "superior" to me back home. The only question I can put, is why would I want farang friends here?

 

BTW, few people have many "real" friends. Most are at best associates, and few will be around if the poo hits the fan.

 

PS. feel free to respond, but this is getting perilously close to bickering, so I'll suspend commenting on this subject from now.

As I said, I have no wish to offend.

Edited September 9, 2017 by thaibeachlovers

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎9‎/‎8‎/‎2017 at 10:31 AM, Gregster said:

TV meaning Thai Visa not television!


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

Add an F to be clear ie TVF.

[thaibeachlovers]

22 hours ago, paulo59 said:

Yes there seem to be few posts about families back home. I try to contact each of my 3 children ( in their mid 20,s) once a week using FaceTime call or video as i like to keep in touch regularly and i know they are pleased that i do but with time differences and sometimes they aren't free to answer it isn't always easy

Perhaps because we are mainly orphans, estranged or have little in common.

Also, my family back home has absolutely nothing to do with Thailand. Doesn't even want to visit, so irrelevant in my case.

[The manic]

On 28/08/2017 at 4:15 PM, billd766 said:

 

That legally restricts you to renting somewhere or buying a condo if you want to buy but still not enough information about what else you want.

On your own? Prevents you from being suckered into buying land you never legally own because your wife and family actually own or. Retire here but dont burn your bridges back in your home country so you will never feel trapped here. Travel around Thailand frequently. Really explore it and never never depend on a Thai women to control your life by speaking for you/making all the arrangements/ buying tickets/ ordering food etc etc.

[upside]

On 06/09/2017 at 5:43 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

If that really is yonks, you may get a shock when you see the price now. I refuse to pay it. Probably cheaper back in the homeland.

Seriously? ?

 

Mate you must be living skint. It's cheap the world over and the only reason McDonalds have succeeded. 

[sirineou]

On 9/8/2017 at 12:02 AM, JLCrab said:

Conversely, because we have ThVi, you may realize at least in Thailand it may be better not to have expat friends based upon how persons react to you on here.

My favorite was a guy who routinely said to me (and others): The reason you disagree with me is that you are too stupid to understand what I am saying.

I don't understand

[JLCrab]

That's because you live in Flo-ree-DAH.

[craigt3365]

10 hours ago, upside said:

Seriously? ?

 

Mate you must be living skint. It's cheap the world over and the only reason McDonalds have succeeded. 

McDonalds is normally not the cheapest option for food the world over.  Normally, it's one of the more expensive options.  Like here in Thailand.

[Global Guy]

I think the key to enjoying yourself in Thailand is carving out your circuit that you interact with and venture outside of that only when needed. I used to try new things much more than I do now because it's often frustrating to deal with the overcharging scams, the poor customer service, and low selection and/or quality of goods and services. We have a small circle of places we get food from and I order almost of of what I need where quality is an issue, online through Amazon, Lazada, or other sites.

 

Now that I'm married, I first have my wife deal with any and all other Thais as much as possible. I find that my stress level has gone down dramatically. When I first moved here, I was all into the whole immersion thing...studied the language, culture, everything. But I would get frustrated daily because the one thing I couldn't change is that I'm a foreigner in a third world country that treats foreigners worse than they treat their fellow citizens. I don't care about why that is, it's just reality. So I don't care about learning the language, my wife speaks English very well, and if I have to deal with Thais it's with written instructions I had my wife write out and I give them or a picture on my cell phone. 

 

When I was new here, I was more accepting of being treated poorly, I just thought it was part of life here. Now, if staff at a store refuse to look up from their phones to help me buy something, I just go somewhere else. I don't get angry about it like I used to. They don't care about losing my business, I know that, and I don't choose to be treated poorly. Simple. Win/win. I'm more likely to laugh than get angry. Sometimes, I might say out loud and with a BIG smile, to entertain myself "No, no, it's okay, don't stop looking at your phone to do your job, it's okay, watch your video" and keep smiling and walk to another store. 

 

We sometimes forget we live in a third world country and "half ass" is just the accepted level of life here. I lived in L.A. almost ten years and parts of it are like Little Mexico and it was the same way there. You get used to it. 

 

So, now life is much better. I don't explore Thailand as much as before because I've seen what I want to see and the rest, I can do without. It's helped me avoid being one of the bitter long timers. I enjoy life more after accepting these realities. I never expected Thailand to be anything other than third world, so no disappointments there.

[ghworker2010]

On 8/29/2017 at 6:13 PM, alanferdi said:

Thailand Thailand....Lovely Open country with beautiful landscape and people who do have a heart.

What got me off my rocker was the fact that you were constantly nagged.....Its normal to retire and live a normal lifestyle. But NO...Not in Thailand.

1. You have to go through these 90 day checks...they want to see if you are alive. It has got easier with this govt. but still a hazzle. Why cant they make a digital system and have retirees an ID like in Hong Kong?

2, Then you need to keep 800.000 blocked in a bank and produce receipt of it each year when you go to renew your pension visa.

3.  The constant hackling and having to play games with the immigration officials that seem to make up things as they go along.

 a. No working - Painting your own house or doing some manual work around your own house could put you into position to pay a fine from 50.000Baht. What nonsense is this. A retiree should be able to do the things he loves to do around his own house. Its his property and his money and bloodywell his hobby so what the cracker is this.....Retirement benefits for Thai employment.

b. There are jobs that only Thais can do

c. Farang is always farang and always in the wrong. The legal system does not protect. its only there to make the process a maze to both its own citizen and the rest of the world.

After spending money and making sure of the loops. It seemed to get out of hand and I thought it best to leave the country.

I am presently in Sri Lanka. It costs me 10.000Rs for a Residential visa or Retirement visa. Which is  100$. I can choose my own home, work in it and also be treated as a local. I do not have to jump loops in a circus as in Thailand. And besides most people do speak English and its easy to get about and do the things that I love doing as a retiree.

Happy I left Thailand nothing to loose!!!!

 

Im sorry but painting ones own house is NOT a risk. What are you talking about? This is B.S right?