madmen

4 hours ago, geronimo said:

I am normally at home all day, with the 2 dogs, my office, and a beautiful garden.

 

Here is an account of a day I experienced a while ago ......

 

Ever woke up in the morning and though to yourself “It’s gonna be a great day?”

 

Well, I did the other day, and here’s how my day went …..

 

I actually awoke an hour later than normal, but my good old body clock was right on time, and ready for the morning dump. Bathroom isn’t free, not to worry, I’ll busy myself with some cleaning. 20 minutes later and I am ready to burst. Turns out my son is in the bathroom and he’s wearing my Bluetooth headphones while he sits and ponders life.

 

By this time I’m doing a unique Irish jig, and my dog has an expression on his face that I haven’t seen before, and just as I was contemplating digging a hole in the garden, son emerges from the bathroom. Aaaah Heaven!!!

 

I emerge from the bathroom a kilo lighter and in much better spirits, only to find my dentures are not in the glass by the bed. My search soon revealed a crushed set of teeth, probably thanks to the dog, who must’ve thought it was a new toy.

 

Oh well, who needs teeth anyway, they’re very overrated, and I refused to let such a minor thing get me down, and I even forgave my dog, who had a guilty look on his face telling me he chomped on my chompers.

 

Time to walk the dogs, and we get ready for the usual routine; I slide the front gate open and they tear off like a couple of possessed greyhounds, only this morning there happened to be a vendor riding past on her pushbike. Not sure what she was selling, I think I saw some cakes flying through the air as my boy crashed into her, sending the poor woman and my dog flying through the air. She got up and after a quick limb check, she smiled and began to clear up the debris. The dogs mistakenly thought she was a dog catcher and both disappeared as fast as their legs would carry them, and after helping her to retrieve all her stuff, she mounted her bike, and when I asked if she wanted financial compensation, she smiled and told me she would never ask a man with no teeth for money.

 

I’ve been awake for just over an hour and already had more drama that would normally occur in a week, and if I thought that was the end of it, I was to be sorely mistaken.

 

When I arrived at the piece of waste ground where my dogs do their business, I find the girl rolling in doggie poop, while the boy is nowhere to be seen. A yelp and a scream soon alerted me to his whereabouts, in a neighbour’s garden chasing her cat!

 

The cat was fine, they always are, but in his efforts to catch the feline, my Labrador had destroyed her collection of garden gnomes. After some serious groveling and apologies, I managed to coax Chokky out of her garden, and we went to finish our little walk. Time to return home and despite my attempts to get ahead, the girl, Lucky, goes straight into the living room and rolls around on the sofa, spreading the poo in every direction.

 

I duly drag the dog outside and showered her 4 times, then cleaned up the mess in the lounge (as best I could), then turned on the TV to see a “no-signal” message. By this time, I’m starting to think that the gods have conspired against me, and after checking that it wasn’t Friday the 13^th, I decide to take a long shower.

 

I like to really lather myself up when showering, and just as I finished doing that, the water stops running abruptly, leaving me looking like a snowman. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to remove soap without water, but take it from me, it cannot be done, and after using 5 towels, I was finally dry, and smelling sweet I might add.

 

My latent positivity told me that I was having a whole year’s bad fortune in one go, and I reasoned that this little series of misfortunes was not going to get me down.

 

Any thoughts I might have had that this was going to be a great day were shattered when I dropped a jar of coffee on the kitchen floor, and the dogs thought this was a new game and began to roll around in the brown mess I’d created. I used the 5 soap covered towels the clean up the mess, which turned out to be a great way to make the coffee bubble, while turning the floor into an ice rink!

 

I decided to treat myself to a glass of fresh orange juice, and to my surprise, the fridge light didn’t come on when I opened the door, probably due to the fact that someone had unplugged it. At this point, I thought about going back to bed and starting again, after all, it could never be as bad as this, could it?

 

I did have a brainwave, which consisted of me sitting in a chair and not touching anything for the rest of the day, but in the end I decided to continue my day like nothing happened.

 

The TV remote was nowhere to be seen, and while searching for it, I found a few pieces of my dentures, damning evidence indeed, as they were right where my dog sleeps. I thought about booting up my computer, but decided against it, fearing the dreaded blue screen, or worse, no power, and besides, the world can wait, at least until my life calms down.

 

I began to search for the car keys, not expecting to find them, so it was no surprise that my search yielded nothing but more bits of my teeth.

 

At this point, my other half gets up and wants to know why the bathroom has been coated in soap, and remarked on the brown mess in the kitchen, I simply smiled and said it was “one of those days”.

 

The afternoon …….

 

The car keys magically turned up, so I decided to risk a trip out on the roads ……

I mean, what could go wrong?

 

I knew the old girl was low on fuel and to my amazement the engine cut out just as I rolled into the LPG station, how perfect was that? Except the pump station was closed!

 

I duly waited an hour and sure enough the pump attendants arrived, so I told the girl to fill her up, which she did. I then realised I left my wallet at home!

 

Being a regular customer and fluent in Thai allowed me to drive away on the promise of returning later to pay my bill, which I did, of course.

 

The ATM

These hole in the wall cash dispensers don’t normally mess with me. I normally get exactly what I want and have never had an issue, in fact, I tell everyone I know, next birthday, I’d like an ATM if possible.

Armed with my wallet, I proceeded to do a little shopping in my local 7-11 and when confronted with the checkout, I naturally chose the till with only one person in front of me. Sod’s law was at work here, as the elderly woman in front of me produced a fistful of utility bills. It matters not which line I get in, I always seem to get the one with a heap of bills.

 

Finally on my way home, I reasoned with myself that this is all in my head, and that in fact, it was purely down to coincidence that my day was one catastrophe after another, when I suddenly realised that I had a rear tyre problem. Turned out that my brand new tyre just happened to make contact with a nail, and was now hissing like an angry King Cobra!.

 

 

I'm well-versed with changing a wheel on the car and get to work, only stopping when I couldn't find the jack! Turned out my son used it to jack up the back wheel of his Yamaha R3, to lubricate the chain. I actually laughed out loud at this point, looking up at the sky and shaking my head. God knows why I did that, I mean I am not a believer of any religion, and there's certainly not an old bearded man looking down on me, yet I do know that my own consciousness can affect physical outcomes, however, I think nothing but good thoughts, so that can't be the reason for having a lifetime's worth of bad luck in a single day.

 

 

 

Son brings jack, wheel gets changed and I arrive at home, wondering what catastrophes have occurred in the short time I'd been away, but, to my surprise, all is well. Dogs laying on the porch, and everything was where I left it.

 

 

It is now close to evening, yet it feels like a whole week has passed since I awoke that morning.

 

Time for some work, so I set up my laptop and boot her up on the porch, which doubles as my office.

 

 

 

 

 

Nice pool

No protesters still!

If they don't protest now they never will
It's game over, nothing more to see folks

3 minutes ago, webfact said:

All problems will be addressed normally based on a democratic system with no use of special powers," he said, referring to sweeping powers the military government wielded.

????

14 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

Been living here close to 4 years now and where there is an opportunity Thai's will have a go at trying to rip me off, part of their culture behind their smiles, I don't know, but I do know this, what I have seen here for those years living here, has really turned my stomach, much so that I am starting to seriously look at plan B, i.e. to return to my homeland in maybe 3 or so years, because I don't see things getting any better for those who live in a country that has no self respect. 

You better run home tail between legs because you will not survive a scam attempt anywhere in SEA !
Some people are just to weak and soft to make it as an expat