chickenslegs

More from Bob Monkhouse. They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now. A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away. Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional. A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'. I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at number 75, so it's no distance. I got my start in silent radio. I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much. If you don't go to other peoples funerals, they won't go to yours. What do gardeners do when they retire? Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

Why don't polar bears eat penguins? Because they can't get the wrapper off.

The thing that changed cannot be spoken of here.

Insider

Ivy

Times

So I met this Thai girl in a nightclub, and we got on really well. She lived nearby, so I offered to walk her home. We got to her front door and she asked me to come in for a coffee. Then she asked: "Do you have a condom?" What a weird way to make coffee.

Projectile

The original Tranny Van ...

(Roger) Rabbit

I can't find the Terry Wogan version - "You picked a time to leave me loose heel, four hundred children and a crop in the field." But this one's pretty good ...

Fate

Battleship

I'm pretty sure that Dad was the original author of the joke. Maybe Bazooka Joe gum stole it from him. When I took up golf he would always tell me to take an extra pair of socks with me ... just in case I got a hole in one.

Mrs Baileys husband. She kicked him out and shacked up with another guy, who treated her terribly. When she realised her mistake she pleaded with Bill to please come home. https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=Bill+Bailey+Won't+You+Please+Come+Home+lyrics

If this is a prediction, I think you might be correct. To receive a royal pardon, the prisoner needs to be serving his sentence. It's unthinkable that Thaksin will go to prison, but his sentence could be served in a medical facility. After receiving his pardon (or compassionate release) he could then make a miraculous recovery - it's been done before, not just in Thailand. (Kamnan Poh - Godfather of Chonburi, Ernest Saunders - Guinness share dealing scandal)

It was not my intent to ridicule you. Your post just reminded me of a very old "Dad joke" that I thought I would share.

I had a dream that I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up my pillow had gone. (I think my late father told me that joke in 1964)

Dentist

Krill