ballpoint

Be good to see Vietnam join in too. Bangkok - Phnom Penh - Saigon would be a nice trip.

Sounds more like a social influenza. Best avoided.

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender missionary. I've baked 'em, I've roasted 'em, I've stewed 'em, I've barbequed 'em, I've even tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender." The second cannibal asks, "What kind of missionary do you use?" The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and their sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads." "Ah ha!" he replies. "No wonder.. those are friars!"

When I went to America I was going to visit a theme park that had the world's largest pool table. But didn't go in the end, the cues were massive.

I hated school sports days as a kid. My mate Andy Zoff always won.

Last night, I saw this bloke sneaking around my garden wearing a rugby shirt, golfing slacks, tennis shoes and a pair of goalkeepers gloves. "Hey!" I shouted, "What's your game?"

I'm writing a book about hurricanes and tornados. It's only a draft at the moment.

There is a rumour that the government is to allow the public to purchase Botox on line - ha, that's going to raise a few eyebrows.

I kept hearing music coming from upstairs, then I found my printer was jamming.

I've just started a company manufacturing over-sized sinks... Does anyone on here mind if I give it a massive plug?

I was in the bank yesterday in our town centre, when the woman behind the counter started singing "Downtown". I thought to myself, "What a peculiar clerk."

My wife says I was an animal in bed last night. (What exactly is a sloth?)

The missus told me to chip the cat. I could only find a nine iron, but still managed to get it over the shed.

Since The Doctor put my wife on her new tablets we have had sex every night. Seems nothing wakes her.