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Everything posted by ballpoint
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Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I took my gran to one of those spas with little fish that nibble dead skin. A bit expensive, but a damn sight cheaper than a funeral would have been. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
Don't mean to brag, but I overheard the doctor mention a trophy whilst talking about my muscles. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I'm not saying people in my area have bad teeth, but one woman just smiled in Tesco and the barcode scanner picked it up as a set of saucepans. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
"I'm going out to scrape the car," my wife said one icy morning. "Against what?" I replied. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I phoned up a hotel and the receptionist said "hello, best western?". I said "Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood". -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
A bad workman always blames his fools… Tools, I meant tools. Stupid keyboard… -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
Few people know that Albert Einstein had a brother who was an evil scientist who created a monster from body parts. His name was Frank. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
A Chinese kid asks his father: "Dad, why do they say all Chinese people look alike?" He replies: "I am not your dad" -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I'll have you know, I was known as the love machine in my teens. I'm useless at tennis. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
A human fart can actually be louder than a trombone. I discovered that fact at my sons school concert. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
Did I ever tell you that my great grandfather's first job was as a comedian on the Titanic? His one liner went down really well with his audience. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
Went to a new restaurant in town. The waiter said "For starters there's badger soup, followed by roast badger and finishing with badger mousse." "Is there anything else apart from badger?" I asked. "No", he replied. "It's a sett menu." -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
It's National Women's Day today. It was going to be yesterday, but they weren't ready. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
A man visits the doctor for help with an embarrassing problem. He explains that whenever he breaks wind, it sounds like a motorbike accelerating. The doctor asks to take a look at the source of the problem and immediately diagnoses the fact that the man has an abscess in just the spot to generate this sound. The man asks what this has to do with the sound of a motorbike accelerating to which the doctor replies 'Everyone knows that abscess makes the fart go Honda'. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I went for a job interview yesterday the bloke said "it's a £7.20 start but it goes up to £14 an hour in six months. Now, when can you start?" I said "in six months"... -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I Googled 'Led Zeppelin reunion' and it came back with 'Page not found'... -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I remember years ago telling my Mum I’d won the Leslie Nielsen Award at school. “What’s that?” she asked. “It’s a big building with lots of teachers and pupils, but that’s not important". -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I asked the librarian if she had any books by Shakespeare. Which one she asked ? William I answered. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
My mate once set me up on a blind date. He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby." I felt like a right idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!!.. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
My wife cannot stop talking. I thought she had a beauty spot on her jaw, but it was a grease nipple. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
My wife asked me what would stop the stairs from creaking, Apparently slimming world was not the right answer. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I went on a date recently and she asked, "Any pets?"... I said, "Yes, a goldfish". "Any hobbies?"... I said - "Yes, he likes swimming". -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I'm hosting a party for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can't come, let me know. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.