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I just bought Neil Diamond's old Volvo on Ebay. It was a Swede car on-line.

One dyslexic terrorist managed to escape from the zoo. Police are looking for a man armed with a Gnu.

My budgie escaped from its cage and somehow mated with my dog. I've got a couple of puppies going cheep if anyone's interested.

There’s a siege at the zoo. They’ve taken 3 ostriches.

Everyone in my neighbourhood wears woolen jumpers that are a size too small. We're a very tight-knit community.

I went to a fancy dress party as an alarm clock but I had to leave early. People kept winding me up.

Burglars broke into my bathroom last night. Luckily they only took my broken scales. They won't get a weigh with it.

I'm selling my pet python on eBay. Some bloke just rang up and asked, "is it big?" "It's massive", I said. "How many feet?" he asked. I said "none, it's a snake".

Another thread where people think they know more than a Thai expert, simply because he's Thai. "Manufacturers have seen their stocks of semiconductors plunge amid the global chip shortage, the US Department of Commerce has warned. A survey of more than 150 firms found supplies had fallen from an average of 40 days' worth in 2019 to just five days in late 2021". Global chip shortage: US says firms' stocks have plunged - BBC News "Unfortunately however, since 2020 there has been one big obstacle that has made building a new PC that much harder – a global silicon chip shortage that has impacted stocks of one crucial component in particular – graphics cards. This has up-ended the normal rules of play". What To Do About The GPU Shortage In 2022 | WePC But carry on bashing.

Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?

After an explosion at work, my friend put in a claim for industrial deafness. It's been six weeks now, and he still hasn’t heard anything.

Woke up tonight to find the ghost of Gloria Gayner at the end of my bed. First I was afraid, then I was petrified!

Weeks ago my mate got arrested by airport police for getting abusive about the luggage delays. He's still waiting for his case to come up.

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. It’s nice to have a bit of company.

I lost my Job at the Elvis Presley snow globe factory. I'm all shook up.