ballpoint

Have you considered cloud storage? I have a 1TB Onedrive account and can easily store and transfer files between my computers, android phone and car android unit, without even needing a wifi connection for the latter two, just a cellular data one. It shows up just as any hard drive would in Windows Explorer and various android file explorers. My data is accessible anywhere I am in the world without the need for any extra hardware or software, or the fear that they will become obsolete.

My wife has just told me that I don't know how to shave properly... Bloody cheek!

My doctor has advised me to stop drinking. It's going to be a massive change for me, I've been with that doctor for twenty years.

My parrot broke its leg today, so I made it a splint using a matchstick. You should have seen its little face light up when it tried to walk.

If time is money, are ATM's time machines?

Never kidnap anyone from Norfolk. It costs a fortune sending their fingers in the post.

If you hold a coconut shell up to your ear, you can hear the sound of a one legged horse standing very still.

Whoever said laughter is the best medicine … Big mistake. Do not tickle someone with diarrhoea.

Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.

Bit of a History lesson for you. Davie Crocket the American Hero had 3 ears. He had a left ear, a right ear, and a Wild front ear.

What has one finger and is very demanding? A ransom note.

Like Charles Dickens' other novels, "A Tale of Two Cities" was originally published in serial form - two local newspapers in this case. It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The man who developed the hard boiled egg wrapped in sausage meat has died. RIP Scott Chegg

Walkers Crisps have announced that, after 73 years of production, they are just about to finish their first sack of potatoes.