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ballpoint

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Everything posted by ballpoint

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    Apple have just released a new gadget to remove the lids from tin cans; It really is an iOpener.
  9. ballpoint
    Advice to the younger ones: Never buy a house when horny. I Walked away with a semi.
  10. ballpoint
    A man walked into a car showroom. He said to the salesman, “My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the showroom window.” Salesman said, “We haven't got a Volkswagen Golf in the showroom window.” The man replied, “You have now mate".
  11. ballpoint
    I think its a total disgrace that after only 50 years many people don't know who Neil Armstrong is, let alone what kind of trumpet he played.
  12. ballpoint
    I phoned up the local asylum and asked if anyone was in Room 51. The guy came back and said no it's empty. "Brilliant!" I roared, "I've escaped!"
  13. ballpoint
    We didn't get a single thing done at work this morning. One of the computers crashed, and every other computer slowed down so it could get a look.
  14. ballpoint
    My neighbour walked by with two dogs... I said... "I didn't know you had dogs" He said... "I don't, they are my sisters" I said... "wow your sisters are ugly" And that's when the fight started, officer
  15. ballpoint
    Gillette have finally brought out a razor for dyslexics. It’s the best thing since sliced beard.
  16. ballpoint
    Tips on how to fall asleep in a chair. . . . . 1 get old. 2 sit in a chair.
  17. ballpoint
    I saw a woman with a t-shirt that said "Guess" on it. Apparently "Implants?" was not the appropriate response.
  18. ballpoint
    From Ukrainian TV. Russian ineptitude is hilarious, and down right frightening:
  19. ballpoint
    I went into a bar in Spain & there was a huge bulls head on the wall. I said " that must have been a big bull" The barman " That bull killed my grandfather" I said " Was he a bullfighter? " He said " No. He was playing draughts over there and it fell on him! "
  20. ballpoint
    Last time I went to a nightclub, I got turned away by the bouncers. They said I'd had "a few too many". I said, "I've only had 3 pints", but one of them replied, "birthdays pal, birthdays..."
  21. ballpoint
    Ever played silent tennis? It’s like normal tennis, but without the racket.
  22. ballpoint
    Police are investigating why the plaque on the wall outside the Colgate head office keeps disappearing.
  23. ballpoint
    I went to my eye test today. Optician said : "I want you to look into this machinery and tell me what you see.." I replied: "I see a geezer eating a bat, pubs closed and people wearing masks " 'Fantastic '..he says 'you've got 2020 vision '
  24. ballpoint
    My doctor told me I'm paranoid... I wonder who else he's told?
  25. ballpoint
    I keep getting nuisance text's on my mobile phone. The most frequent one is 'You said you were leaving the pub three hours ago'

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