ballpoint

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said, ‘Top o’ the mornin’ To ye! Aren’t ye Mrs. Donovan And didn’t I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?’ She replied, ‘Aye, that ye did, Father.’ The Father asked, ‘And be there Any wee little ones yet?’ She replied, ‘No, not yet, Father.’ The Father said, ‘Well now, I’m going to Rome next week And I’ll light a fertility candle for ye And yer hoosband.’ She replied, ‘Oh, thank ye, Father…’ They then parted ways.. Some years later they met again. The Father asked, ‘Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?’ She replied, ‘Oh, very well, Father!’ The Father asked, ‘And tell me , Have ye any wee ones yet?’ She replied, ‘Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, Ten in all!’ The Father said, ‘That’s wonderful! And how is yer loving hoosband doing?’ He's gone to Rome to blow out yer fekin' candle.

I was shopping in Tesco today and noticed a little old lady following me around. If I stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at me. She finally overtook me at the checkout, and she turned to me and said, “I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like my late son." I answered, "that's okay." "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Goodbye, Mum', as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy." She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, I called out, "Goodbye, Mum." The little old lady waved, and smiled back at me Pleased that I had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, I went to pay for my shopping. "That comes to £121.85," said the assistant. "How come so much? I only bought 3 items!" The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you would be paying for her things too."

I had a job as a proof reader in the factory where they made M&Ms. But I got the sack because I threw out all the Ws.

I checked into a hotel recently; to my surprise, there was a bat and two cricket balls on the bed. I opened the window and the bat flew out. Still haven't found the rest of the cricket.

My wife left me because of my obsession with cricket. To be honest, it’s really knocked me for six.

Every time I see a Hall of Mirrors I rush inside, even though it reflects badly on me.

Dearie me. Trump's been hoisted by his own petard.