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ballpoint

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Everything posted by ballpoint

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    A young guy walks into a bar and orders 3 whiskys in quick succession. Curious - the barman asks what's the occasion. "My first BJ" The barman offered the lad a drink on the house to celebrate. "Nah, it's alright" he replied. "If the first 3 don't get rid of the taste, another one won't help".
  6. ballpoint
    I just learnt who the patron saint of copying people into emails is:- St Francis of a CC
  7. ballpoint
    If you have a bar, you need lemons. If you have melons, you need a bra.
  8. ballpoint
    I tried blowing up parliament using a bunch of bad cheese jokes. It was the pun Gouda plot.
  9. ballpoint
    I've got a French Bulldog. I'm always letting him out for a oui.
  10. ballpoint
    A blonde goes to the Dr with scalded feet. "How did you do that?" he asked. "I decided to try some tinned sponge pudding and followed the instructions carefully. It said “Pierce can and stand in boiling water”"
  11. ballpoint
    The blonde girl had to get rid of her vibrator. It kept chipping her teeth.
  12. ballpoint
    Last time I went to the airport I queued up at a table with some birds laying eggs on it. I’d gone to the chicken desk by mistake.
  13. ballpoint
    Legless parrot available, free to a good home... No perches necessary.
  14. ballpoint
    I ordered some bread rolls that were so shiny I took them back the baker to complain. I went in with all buns glazing.
  15. ballpoint
    I'm depressed. I thought growing old would take longer.
  16. ballpoint
    Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask.
  17. ballpoint
    I got a tattoo of a digital watch on my wrist. I regretted it a minute later.
  18. ballpoint
    Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
  19. ballpoint
    After years of research, scientists have finally discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.
  20. ballpoint
    After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.
  21. ballpoint
    I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.
  22. ballpoint
    I'm selling a limited edition bottle of Tippex to a Chinese man. I've told him it's a correctors item.
  23. ballpoint
    Staff wanted for new circumcision clinic. Minimum wage paid, but you get a share of the tips.
  24. ballpoint
    Apparent!y loads of people missed the deadline to sign up for free self-harm counselling sessions at our local village hall. Bet they’re really kicking themselves now….
  25. ballpoint
    A young lad asked his dad if he could explain what a solar eclipse was. The dad replied, “No son.”

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