ballpoint

I heard that halloween is the real reason for the Oxo cube shortage. A billionaire bought the whole boat load and dumped them on an old grave. The plot thickens.

That's not what I heard, but I'm not going to stew over it. Your sauce is probably better than mine.

My wife said sex with me is boring because I get easily distracted......... Oh well, best get back on with it..

My mate spent all his money on a sex change. Now he hasn't got a sausage.

I keep dreaming that I'm falling through trapdoors.... but my doctor says it's just a stage I'm going through.

Justice is best served cold. If it were served warm it would be justwater.

Having my ears syringed is one of the most painful things I've ever had done. I can hear my wife perfectly now.

Prices are getting ridiculous. I just saw a headline on BBC News saying "Costa Coffee bought for £3.9 billion". It must have been one of those extra large lattes with the caramel topping. I hope he had his loyalty card on him.

No Oxo cubes in Tesco earlier. They were out of stock

I'm a backwards kleptomaniac. You may find that hard to believe, but you can take it from me.

You should never repeat yourself. That's what I always say.

Never mind the fifth Beatle, what about the other three hundred and fifty seven Degrees?

I saw a headline: "Fossilised teeth dating back 9.7 million years could rewrite history" I doubt it. A fossilised pencil maybe.