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ballpoint

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Everything posted by ballpoint

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    I knew you would make a gleeful injection into this topic by taking a stand on the electric chair. Once you bring back hanging you should find an artist who rents rooms, and get yourself drawn and quartered as well.
  8. ballpoint
    Watching the world cup the other day, my wife bet me that I couldn't name 3 Qatar players. I said George Harrison, Eric Clapton and Jimi Hendrix.
  9. ballpoint
    Men all around the world between 40 to 60 years, will on average have sex 2 to 3 times per week. Whereas Japanese men, in the exact same age group will have sex once or twice a year if they are lucky. This has come as very upsetting news to most of my friends as they had no idea they were Japanese.
  10. ballpoint
    I used to hate it when my mum would dress me and my twin brother in the same clothes. We could hardly walk!
  11. ballpoint
    I shouted: “Push harder” when my wife was in labour. “I hate you” she screamed, I thought that was a bit harsh, It wasn’t my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital.
  12. ballpoint
    Paddy the electrician has been sacked by the US prison service for refusing to repair the electric chair. He said that in his opinion it was a death trap.
  13. ballpoint
    Breaking News! Man with a stammer jailed. Judge rules he's unlikely to complete his sentence.
  14. ballpoint
    My wife is the double of Kate Moss;" "Really?" "Yes. Kate Moss weighs 9 stone".
  15. ballpoint
    You put your money on the counter of a 'bookmaker', or 'bookie', on the assumption that England will win the world cup. Said bookmaker takes your money, on the assumption that you are an idiot.
  16. ballpoint
    How did you do that research? Did you go round giving octopi test tickles? That takes a lot of balls.
  17. ballpoint
    England are 8/1 to win the World Cup.... If you're not a gambler that means if you put £10 on, you are going to lose a tenner.
  18. ballpoint
    All my computer passwords are protected by amnesia.
  19. ballpoint
    "I" before "E" except after - "Old Macdonald had a farm"
  20. ballpoint
    Durex regrets to inform you that, due to a quality control error on our part, your birth was an accident. Please report to your nearest Durex facility immediately to be put down. We regret any inconvenience caused.
  21. ballpoint
    I see Billy Idol's brother, Bone has got the sack again
  22. ballpoint
    I tried to sell my Thomas the Tank Engine train set at an antiques shop today. "You would have got more for it if the fat controller wasn't missing", said the assistant. "Yeah, you're probably right." I replied. "She's good at haggling."
  23. ballpoint
    My doctor just prescribed me an anti gloating cream. I can’t wait to rub it in.
  24. ballpoint
    I got a job in the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant. It’s not permanent, it’s just wok experience.
  25. ballpoint

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