It has been said that a thousand monkeys banging on a thousand typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare.
Now, thanks to social media, we know this is not true.
The last time I played darts in the pub, first arrow treble 20, second arrow single 20 and final dart straight through Sister Margaret's eye.
I got banned for shouting "One Nun Dead and Eighty!".
Vladimir Putin dies and goes to hell. After a while he gets a 1 day pass for good behaviour.
He walks into a Moscow bar orders a coke and asks the bartender
Is Crimea ours?
Yes it is.
And the Donbas?
Yes.
And Kyiv?
That too.
Thanks. How much will that be?
5 Euros.
I went around to my Grandads to take the dog out for a walk.
As I was about to go out he shouted "Don`t forget poo bags"
"Do I have to" I shouted back.
"Yes" shouted Grandad.
"Alright" I said -- "Come on Nana"