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ballpoint

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Everything posted by ballpoint

  1. "It's important we remember the true meaning of Easter" says The Archbishop of Cadbury.
  2. Recent Studies Show That Over-Exaggerations Have Gone Up By Ten Billion Percent!
  3. I know it's a long shot -- but does anyone know what a trebuchet is?
  4. The first Transgender whale has been found. It's been called Maybe Dick.
  5. It has been said that a thousand monkeys banging on a thousand typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to social media, we know this is not true.
  6. The last time I played darts in the pub, first arrow treble 20, second arrow single 20 and final dart straight through Sister Margaret's eye. I got banned for shouting "One Nun Dead and Eighty!".
  7. Vladimir Putin dies and goes to hell. After a while he gets a 1 day pass for good behaviour. He walks into a Moscow bar orders a coke and asks the bartender Is Crimea ours? Yes it is. And the Donbas? Yes. And Kyiv? That too. Thanks. How much will that be? 5 Euros.
  8. I went around to my Grandads to take the dog out for a walk. As I was about to go out he shouted "Don`t forget poo bags" "Do I have to" I shouted back. "Yes" shouted Grandad. "Alright" I said -- "Come on Nana"
  9. Just bought a chest freezer for the wife, but could only afford a 3 foot one. Looks like I'll have to fold her in half.
  10. Just won a medal at the World Weather Forecasting Championships. I beat the raining champion.
  11. What's the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl? One shoots, but cannot hit...
  12. Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now you mention Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
  13. Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reckons I'm Dishlexic.

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