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ballpoint

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Everything posted by ballpoint

  1. ballpoint
    I ordered some bread rolls that were so shiny I took them back the baker to complain. I went in with all buns glazing.
  2. ballpoint
    I'm depressed. I thought growing old would take longer.
  3. ballpoint
    Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask.
  4. ballpoint
    I got a tattoo of a digital watch on my wrist. I regretted it a minute later.
  5. ballpoint
    Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
  6. ballpoint
    After years of research, scientists have finally discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.
  7. ballpoint
    After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.
  8. ballpoint
    I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.
  9. ballpoint
    I'm selling a limited edition bottle of Tippex to a Chinese man. I've told him it's a correctors item.
  10. ballpoint
    Staff wanted for new circumcision clinic. Minimum wage paid, but you get a share of the tips.
  11. ballpoint
    Apparent!y loads of people missed the deadline to sign up for free self-harm counselling sessions at our local village hall. Bet they’re really kicking themselves now….
  12. ballpoint
    A young lad asked his dad if he could explain what a solar eclipse was. The dad replied, “No son.”
  13. ballpoint
    I just saw Elvis at the customer service desk in HomePro. Returned a sander.
  14. ballpoint
    A snob, an Islamophobe and a glutton go into a pub and the barman says, ‘What will it be Boris?’
  15. ballpoint
  16. ballpoint
    My friend just broke up with her longtime boyfriend because she found out he was a communist. She should have known, there were red flags everywhere.
  17. ballpoint
    Did you hear about the agoraphobic homosexual? He came out then went back in again.
  18. ballpoint
    Eskimo 1 “Whats for dinner?” Eskimo 2 “Vera Lynn Burgers” Eskimo 1 “Oh no. Not whale meat again”
  19. ballpoint
    My grandfather drowned in a barrel of varnish. it was a horrible end, but a lovely finish.
  20. ballpoint
    I remember the first time I used my Universal Remote Control; "amazing". I thought “this changes everything”
  21. ballpoint
    People say I’m condescending. (That means I talk down to people).
  22. ballpoint
    I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?
  23. ballpoint
    I saw a man with a trolley full of horseshoes and rabbit’s feet earlier, trying to get it up a hill. I thought, he’s pushing his luck.
  24. ballpoint
    I, for one, really enjoy a roman numeral based pun.
  25. ballpoint
    There’s a nudist convention in town next week. Might go along if I’ve got nothing on.

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