Girlfriend abandoned son with non-biological father

[movsrus]

I am seeking some advice or suggestions regarding a problem I am having with an old girlfriend.  My ex-gf has left her son with me and gone off to who knows where.  I am not the biological father of the boy (12 years old) but he has lived with us for about 5 years and has had no contact with his biological father for the entire time I have known the boy.  I have tried calling his mother on numerous occasions but she refuses to help either with the financial costs of his upbringing or providing parental support and says I should take him to an orphanage which is exceeding cruel and irresponsible on her part but that is how she is.

 

I will soon be leaving Thailand and need to get some governmental authority involved to either try and force his mother to assume her responsibilities or make arrangements for the care of her son.  Has anyone had this kind of problem and can provide a suggestion as to how to proceed?  Is there a governmental agency that deals with family issues such as these?

 

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

 

Thanks

[anon537687643]

An almighty mess and an adolescent boy caught in the middle


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[Briggsy]

Get Paveena on the case.

http://www.pavenafoundation.or.th/

[movsrus]

6 minutes ago, markaoffy said:

 

An almighty mess and an adolescent boy caught in the middle

 

Yes, it is and I want to make this as easy as possible for the boy.  He is the innocent victim in this mess and I hope that we can get this resolved without it being more traumatic on him that is already is because his mother left him.

[Been there done that]

2 hours ago, movsrus said:

Yes, it is and I want to make this as easy as possible for the boy.  He is the innocent victim in this mess and I hope that we can get this resolved without it being more traumatic on him that is already is because his mother left him.

[movsrus]

7 hours ago, Briggsy said:

Get Paveena on the case.

http://www.pavenafoundation.or.th/

Thanks for the recommendation.  I will call them this week.

[Frogmountain]

Contact the DSDW on Rajavithi Road. They are the government agency that handles cases like this. They will likely place the boy in foster care or in a children's home while they try to track down any relatives the child might have who would be willing to take him in. They will also contact the mother and explain to her that if she does not care for him, she should sign away her parental rights and release the child for adoption. Good luck. 

Contact info: 

Child Adoption Center
Department of Social Development and Welfare
255 Ratchawithi Road
Bangkok 10400 Thailand
Phone: 02-354-7500, 02-354-7509, 02-354-9234 ext. 412-419, 
02-306-8834-35
Email: [email protected]

 

Edited November 1, 2017 by Frogmountain
Update info

[Colabamumbai]

It is nice to see some positive replies to a poster for a change, instead of bashing, which seems to be going on too much lately.  I wish you success and commend you on your efforts.

[jacko45k]

Poor kid.... how is he holding up?

[MaeJoMTB]

22 minutes ago, Colabamumbai said:

It is nice to see some positive replies to a poster for a change, instead of bashing, which seems to be going on too much lately.  I wish you success and commend you on your efforts.

Sensible threads usually get sensible answers.

 

At OP,

You could always drop him off at the local police station, or inform his school, I'm sure his teachers will know what to do.

[Borzandy]

On 01/11/2017 at 7:22 AM, movsrus said:

but she refuses to help either with the financial costs

Are you dreaming....

[RBOP]

Try to contact the boys Grande Parents.

[DGS1244]

1 hour ago, RBOP said:

Try to contact the boys Grande Parents.

Exactly if you know where they live, if there are any, then turn up on their doorstep and say 'all yours'.

[movsrus]

Unfortunately, I don't know where the mother's parents or siblings live.  The boy doesn't know their telephone number nor where his grandparents live and I have never met nor spoken with them as my Thai is only rudimentary.  I hate just to go to the police station and "drop him off" as that seems a cruel and uncaring thing to do for the boy.

[portroyal]

True, cruel situation and the life is cruel

Being a catholic westerner you are not able to understand the asian mentality

It’u up to you and up to your heart

Having been left by his mother, asian would believe that the boy had a bad behaviour in his former life

[steven100]

If there is anyway possible to locate the grand parents then that is a good option as at least he will still be with family and not fostered out.  Maybe Pavena foundation can contact the police or government agencies to help locate the Grand Parents....   surely they could do that using her name  ?

The poor boy is only 12 yrs old so help him as much as you can because he knows you and if you leave him your dumping him same as the mother. If that happens he will surely end up in jail.

[MJL1962]

I'm in a similar position. Having been left looking after an 11 year old girl. My gf has dumped her whole family and wants "a new life" . Luckily I'm staying in Thailand so can continue to care for the girl. 

Now have to find new GF that will take me and "daughter".

 

[HooHaa]

3 hours ago, MaeJoMTB said:

Sensible threads usually get sensible answers.

 

At OP,

You could always drop him off at the local police station, or inform his school, I'm sure his teachers will know what to do.

you really are a cold bastard aren't you?

 

it seems your response to any thread regarding children, your solution is walk away.

[stropper]

the lady that i am with left her son with his english father as he was bashing and abusing her badly , he was a alcoholic a druggie and in to petafilia, she desperately wanted the boy back,  2011 the boy was 8,but her family and the village would not accept  the boy because of the father, she was destitute, a lovely caring women, he was using the boy for his visa, and other things i think, 45 years old, I did not want to get involved but some how did, The school where the husband worked rang to say the husband was terribly sick, and can not be contacted for weeks and the boy was in a bad state and only came to school to try to get food, then ran away, and could we come to find out what was going on, bang chang bangkok. NOT ME i did not want into this, it was agreed i could leave at any time if things blew up.. The school was very helpful, told us to go to the police, who after many hours  of talk contacted the bangkok child welfare people, whom we went with to the husbands last address, a tiny filthy room up a side street, after the welfare people talked to the surrounding people the boy was found hiding up a tree, 18 months and he did not regonise his mother , a nice very poor women had helped him live for the past 3 weeks as he played with her son in the street. The child welfare people were fantastic, found the husband in the local government hospital, serousis of the liver, died a month later, they looked after the boy who was in a bad way,mentally, he was scary, no kids would go near him for a long time, he is 13 now and i am so proud of what he has become, his mother nearly had to put him in the local orhanage at udon thani, but she has become stronger, he is now doing very well and wants to be a mechanic, and the village wants my girl friend, one day possibly wife, to be the boss of the village, so there is good help in thailand, it is just a matter of talking to the right people, and finally i must say the police at bang chang were excellent, but talk to real thai people, not bar ferangs who know nothing about thailand, get thai help, its there!

[MaeJoMTB]

20 minutes ago, HooHaa said:

you really are a cold bastard aren't you?

it seems your response to any thread regarding children, your solution is walk away.

Quite frankly, other men's children are hardly my concern, and I can't gather any moral outrage at that.

If their mothers and fathers can't be  bothered looking after them, it really isn't my problem.

Saying that, I've put a Thai girl through high school, and now university at my expense, but feel no compelling duty that forced me to do so.

Edited November 3, 2017 by MaeJoMTB

[MaeJoMTB]

12 minutes ago, stropper said:

the lady that i am with left her son with his english father as he was bashing and abusing her badly , he was a alcoholic a druggie and in to petafilia, 

Off topic,

But how do you know? Tales of drunkenness and violence are the norm from females after they leave.

Every woman I lived with has told that tale, to me when she explained her previous string of failed relationships, and about me after she left.

I would say the woman leaving her child was more of a true indication of her personality than anything she said. Left her son with a drunken, violent abuser? ....... not a woman with whom I would consider a relationship.

Edited November 3, 2017 by MaeJoMTB

[MyFriend You]

On 11/1/2017 at 7:33 AM, movsrus said:

Yes, it is and I want to make this as easy as possible for the boy.  He is the innocent victim in this mess and I hope that we can get this resolved without it being more traumatic on him that is already is because his mother left him.

No Grandparents??  It would be really unusual for them to disown him - especially a boy, if it was a girl then she would have zero chance, or sold to the highest bidder.  I would offer the grandparents first then when all else fails, seek a private children's advocate.  I grew up without a father, and we (3 sisters & a brother)had to spend about a year in Foster Care.............worst year of our lives - so please think before you leap.

I salute you for your efforts,  goo luck, not only for the boy, but for you as well

[AgMech Cowboy]

On ‎11‎/‎1‎/‎2017 at 8:38 PM, Frogmountain said:

Contact the DSDW on Rajavithi Road. They are the government agency that handles cases like this. They will likely place the boy in foster care or in a children's home while they try to track down any relatives the child might have who would be willing to take him in. They will also contact the mother and explain to her that if she does not care for him, she should sign away her parental rights and release the child for adoption. Good luck. 

Contact info: 

Child Adoption Center
Department of Social Development and Welfare
255 Ratchawithi Road
Bangkok 10400 Thailand
Phone: 02-354-7500, 02-354-7509, 02-354-9234 ext. 412-419, 
02-306-8834-35
Email: [email protected]

 

None of my business, but if you want to keep this boy, I think the above advice or the http://www.pavenafoundation.or.th/  advice is the only way to go. You obviously care about him, but becoming his guardian is a big step.

 

Good Luck to both of you.

 

Edited November 3, 2017 by AgMech Cowboy
misspelling

[JayBird]

Do you want to keep him? Does he want to accept you as his father? Hopefully some form of adoption is possible without also having to be legally obliged to the mother

[csabo]

My wife's mom died (heart) when she was 32 so she always asks me what I would do with her 2 boys if she dropped dead one day. She's 2 years overdue if genetics are consistent from mother to daughter. Truth is I don't know who would take them. The father was overjoyed to get rid of them. He has a sister who lives 5 minutes from me who never asked to see the boys once.  She loves her new BMW and her prize winning koi but forgot the boys past 3 birthdays and every day in between them. My wife's sister never talks to her.  Her father turned into a deadbeat after her mom died. Modestly speaking I am the best thing that ever happened to these kids. Wife has a bunch of uncles and aunts in Ubon, I would probably try them. They are all teachers and cops so they would probably help out but still want a donation too. It's a shitty situation no doubt. How do you not know a gf is capable of this after knowing her so long? Such a hypocritical way for so called buddhists to act. These people really sicken me sometimes. I donate to a orphanage in Phang Nga on occasion and hope the money is well spent. For those of you who are interested in doing something similar keep in mind these establishments also accept goods like diapers, tooth brushes, soap etc if you prefer not to give cash. Google or FB can find a location near you. 

[MaeJoMTB]

41 minutes ago, csabo said:

My wife's mom died (heart) when she was 32 so she always asks me what I would do with her 2 boys if she dropped dead one day. She's 2 years overdue if genetics are consistent from mother to daughter. Truth is I don't know who would take them. The father was overjoyed to get rid of them. He has a sister who lives 5 minutes from me who never asked to see the boys once.  She loves her new BMW and her prize winning koi but forgot the boys past 3 birthdays and every day in between them. My wife's sister never talks to her.  Her father turned into a deadbeat after her mom died. Modestly speaking I am the best thing that ever happened to these kids. Wife has a bunch of uncles and aunts in Ubon, I would probably try them. They are all teachers and cops so they would probably help out but still want a donation too. It's a shitty situation no doubt. How do you not know a gf is capable of this after knowing her so long? Such a hypocritical way for so called buddhists to act. These people really sicken me sometimes. I donate to a orphanage in Phang Nga on occasion and hope the money is well spent. For those of you who are interested in doing something similar keep in mind these establishments also accept goods like diapers, tooth brushes, soap etc if you prefer not to give cash. Google or FB can find a location near you. 

You missed your age out?

If you're 70, her fear of death may be mis-directed.

 

I've already brought one that isn't mine up from age 12 to age 19+, I think I've done my bit.

Edited November 3, 2017 by MaeJoMTB

[seancbk]

7 hours ago, portroyal said:

True, cruel situation and the life is cruel

Being a catholic westerner you are not able to understand the asian mentality

It’u up to you and up to your heart

Having been left by his mother, asian would believe that the boy had a bad behaviour in his former life

 

Where does it say the OP is a Catholic Westerner?

The OP is certainly a nice chap for wanting to help this poor kid but that doesn't mean he has to religious.

 

[rocketmankabin1]

I might be able to help. I am the Vice President of a Foundation helping at-risk children much like this young man.   Please contact me.  087-741-3334

[TheRascal]

12 hours ago, portroyal said:

Being a catholic westerner you are not able to understand the asian mentality

Catholics have never done anything cruel to 12 year old boys... right

[csabo]

17 hours ago, MaeJoMTB said:

You missed your age out?

If you're 70, her fear of death may be mis-directed.

 

I've already brought one that isn't mine up from age 12 to age 19+, I think I've done my bit.

Sorry I read this several times idk what you are trying to say.