Dead-beat Issan dads...Sound familiar?

[poanoi]

53 minutes ago, ericthai said:

 what are you talking about? Who pays 3K a month?

every thai that has finished school and has parents still alive pay 3k baht to their parents as a form of pension

[Scouse123]

6 hours ago, geriatrickid said:

Sounds to me this is the outcome of marrying  a lowend person. It comes with the turf. What you describe is similar in other countries. I doubt this scenario would apply with a professional woman, and I don't mean a former massage girl/beer bar hostess. The men who encounter these issues are not much better themselves. If they are unhappy, they should consider  a better class of companion.

I find your post inaccurate, judgmental and actually rude.

 

You are actually saying that anybody that doesn't marry a hi-so Thai female lawyer, doctor or similar is asking for all they get. What a load of garbage! Your classification of people resembles the Indian ' caste system ', next you will be referring to people from Isaarn as ' untouchables ' which in itself, is another disgrace. In addition, my partner  (we never married) was not and never has been a girl/beer bar hostess. You will be saying next it's " their own fault they were born poor! "

 

A lot of foreigners get conned and skinned alive by the very people you are referring to and fall into the category as a ' professional woman '  because they are cleverer at the con and harder to read or catch because they are smarter. They also have the ability to lull the foreigner into the false sense of security with the outward appearance of being well-heeled and having their own money. What the farang fails to understand that in Thailand ' Greed is as natural as eating noodles '  and they can never get enough.

 

I was referring to fair-weather friends of my other half that keep appearing invited or not because they have known my partner from schooldays and grew up in the same village and because my other half hasn't got the heart to tell them or is too gentle, to tell them to get on their bike.

 

In Isaarn villages, there is a great deal of peer pressure to assist those less fortunate and not enough attention paid, or it is ignored, as to why they are in that position.

 

We have been together 21 years now so I feel no need to look for a ' better class of companion '  as I am happy with the person who has worked with me and assisted me in business, looked after me when I was gravely ill for an extended period, and been the best companion and most loyal friend I have ever had. Is she perfect?... No!,... Am I,... No!

 

Are we on the whole content and as happy as most people, the answer would be yes.

[Here It Is]

You married a Thai without considering the consequences.  Family first. 

[catman20]

is there anyone out there who actually gets financial help from an Issan 'man'?

 

dont think its just issan men, i think its a bit like that the world over

[4MyEgo]

On 27/12/2017 at 2:36 PM, OJAS said:

Conversely there are plenty of non-Isaan men who aren't (like the father of my step-daughters, for instance). So a bit puzzling as to why Isaan men have been singled out by the OP.

My wife's X's partner was from Bangkok and has never contributed one baht to her twin boys since she left him and apparently was verbally abusive in their 3 year relationship after the twins were born, he would always be drunk, and seldom home.

 

My wife lived with him in Bangkok as that is were she met him and worked in his restaurant were he apparently would never go to work, although would turn up during the day and take all the takings and go and buy his little gold Buddha statues to were around his neck.

 

I was a single dad and paid child support to my X, under a 50/50 share cared agreement sealed by the family law court and she was supposed to pay me child support, which was supposed to be worked out on both wages, then deduct some, but she always managed to only receive enough money that was conveniently under the threshold, so in all the years of both raising our daughter under the 50/50 shared care agreement, I never saw a dime. She even drove a new car, and at the same time I was sending money to my wife's family every month for her twin boys as her parents were raising them while she lived with me in Sydney, looking after me while I worked and my daughter 10 year old when she was in our care. We did trips back to the village at least once a year so she could spend at least 4-8 weeks with her twin boys, once or twice going a couple of weeks before me or arriving a couple of weeks after me back in Sydney.

 

Women in general have it very hard when the male decides he isn't going to assist in the financial side of supporting the child/ren. This is a world wide thing, Issan men are no different to any male anywhere in the world who don't want to work or support their offspring/s, so your generalisation of Isaan men is ill informed from my opinion as I see a lot of good family orientated family men here, and I know of one guy who provided money to his now 19 year old daughter who goes to Uni, she seldom see's him, but he still pays her way.

 

During the 8 years of raising my daughter as a single dad, under the shared care agreement, i.e. the years before I married my Thai wife, it was not an easy task at all, so I know where these girls are coming from, although working, paying child support (one way), a mortgage, car, and many things for my daughter like school uniforms, shoes, that were supposed to be paid out of the child support payments that the x was getting, you learn to keep swimming and forget the unfairness's in life, these women do what they have to do to survive and raise their kids with the limited financial resources they have, or opportunities.

 

Personally I feel proud to be a financial provider to my wife's twin boys, watching them grow in the past two years that we have been living here, watching them put on weight, watching them enjoy their own bedrooms with air conditioners, as opposed to a one bedroom shack with no air conditioning, sleeping in beds with real mattresses, although one still does sleep on the floor occasionally with one of those thin mattresses, besides his bed, teaching them the basic things like hygiene, time and time again, and how not to bite the spoon or fork, and somehow convincing them to slow down when eating, as no one is going to steal their food, and that there is plenty more, and that they are not wild dogs, not an easy task for both of us, as we have had two other off springs since married, yes God help us, but hey, having 4 monkey's in a house makes you feel alive, really alive, this is family.

 

The way I see it is, you have been provided with an opportunity to do good to others who have been less fortunate and been dealt one of those cards that put them in a place of little opportunity.

 

I wouldn't be worried about the X and or whether he contributes to the kid/s, we can't control what we can't control, and we can't change the world, but you can make your wife's life a better one, and the kid/s life a better one, to see them get excited when they get a new pair of jeans or a top, or shoes, and to make them feel loved, this should make you proud, and that's what its all about, also remembering not to spoil them, its ok to say no, and they learn to accept it.

 

Forget about X wives, X husbands, and focus on how your going to contribute to raising the wife's kid/s out of poverty and into a more comfortable life in the future, like giving them the best opportunity in education, even taking back to the home country to work for a few years to raise enough to come back here and build a house, the legal way of course.

 

I was raised in a poor family, but in a land that provided me of my opportunities, so I know my grass roots.   

[tryasimight]

I the OP is really serious he can ask his wife to go to court and apply for child support. A lot of hassle for what would probably be less than 1000 baht a month - if anything is ever paid at all.

[Scouse123]

7 hours ago, Here It Is said:

You married a Thai without considering the consequences.  Family first. 

Much as I would like to admire your sentiments, how can it be family first when the husbands walk away, the mothers are no better???, They leave, saying they are going to get money to send home and leaving children in the care of grandparents and then forgetting to send money home or saying they aren't earning enough.

 

They seem to quickly forget their responsibilities when they hit the bright lights of Pattaya, Phuket and the likes, with the bars, restaurants, discos, alcohol, and drugs. Are we going to excuse this and put it down to low education? No, It's down to choices. They know what is the right and wrong thing to do, many find the temptations too much to resist.

 

It's always the restaurants and karaoke bars full to the brim with Thai customers, till dawn. I know, I used to be in them until dawn as well in younger days and plenty of spending and money changing hands, going on with the working girls and boys.

[ericthai]

22 hours ago, poanoi said:

every thai that has finished school and has parents still alive pay 3k baht to their parents as a form of pension

You made this sound like it was a government hand out. 

I wouldn't say every Thai. I know some guys that are real dead beats and give their parents nothing. I have workers that only make 6-7K baht a month I know they send mony home but it's ony 500 or 1000B they aren't giving half to to their parents.   My wife takes care of her father, but only 1000B a month as he get 1000B from the govt.    

[Scouse123]

On 07/01/2018 at 10:59 PM, ericthai said:

You made this sound like it was a government hand out. 

I wouldn't say every Thai. I know some guys that are real dead beats and give their parents nothing. I have workers that only make 6-7K baht a month I know they send mony home but it's ony 500 or 1000B they aren't giving half to to their parents.   My wife takes care of her father, but only 1000B a month as he get 1000B from the govt.    

 

I am sure you are a lot nearer the mark from what I have seen and heard about sons and daughters assisting their parents financially.

 

I know Thai men happily married and work hard with a solid wife and are fully engaged in bringing up their children. Deadbeats are not unique to Thailand.

 

Also, what some seem to be missing is there are a lot of deadbeats in other countries, I know in the UK that many run away from child support, hide assets or simply don't work to avoid paying for their children. They rely on the state, but these same people complain about immigrants and outsiders taking jobs and benefits! , these are the ones directly responsible for some of the mess the UK is in.

[chrisandsu]

On 1/6/2018 at 9:19 PM, Brunolem said:

I imagine that you have not been living in Isaan for long, otherwise you would hardly notice such an issue.

First, as another member explained above, most Isaan people only marry in the village, with the monks, but never bother to register the union officially.

So there no divorce the way we usually understand it.

Then, as another member explained, children are mostly seen as a future source of income, rather than a source of expenses.

Having said that, it is not only the men who are to blame.

You have no idea how many women leave their children, never to see them again...because, well, it is an inconvenient!

All of my neighbors, and I mean ALL, harbor at least one such child...meaning they have become the de facto parents of children left over by both parents....and by the way no papers have ever been signed to officialize this situation.

I know personaly many of these children who call me poo farang...in the past 15 years, I have been the poo farang of dozens of children, and new ones keep on showing up regularly...

A friend of mine married an ex Gogo girl . He lived in a pool villa with her and their kid while her other kid lived in a shack in essarn and not one thought was given to the other kid to join them . Before long she buggered off and left the new kid as well . 

[gk10002000]

Every time I met up with a thai girl over there that had a child, of any age, they always said "father died".