To snitch or not to snitch that is the question

[ThaiFelix]

7 minutes ago, mauGR1 said:

Well, truth may hurt, but ignorance hurts more.. But that's just me.

How can it hurt if you dont know and hopefully never will?  And it was, after all, a few years ago.  We all have something from our past that we regret and would rather kept hidden.  She has more than taken care of him in every other way over many many years.

[Russell17au]

To those who say to tell him about his wife with another man,

"You tell your friend and he became that depressed and humiliated because of what you told him that he could not handle the humiliation that he committed suicide, how will you feel knowing that your friends death was caused by something that you told him"

This has happened before and not only in Thailand

Even thou you are his friend you do not know how he is going to re-act to being told about it.

[ThaiFelix]

25 minutes ago, mauGR1 said:

Well, truth may hurt, but ignorance hurts more.. But that's just me.

How can it hurt if you dont know and hopefully never will?  And it was, after all, a few years ago.  We all have something from our past that we regret and would rather kept hidden.  She has more than taken care of him in every other way over many many years.

[mauGR1]

4 minutes ago, ThaiFelix said:

How can it hurt if you dont know and hopefully never will?  And it was, after all, a few years ago.  We all have something from our past that we regret and would rather kept hidden.  She has more than taken care of him in every other way over many many years.

I understand your point, i just beg to differ.

To know the truth is a priority for me, and a few others.

[ThaiFelix]

33 minutes ago, mauGR1 said:

I understand your point, i just beg to differ.

To know the truth is a priority for me, and a few others.

Sure, truth should, in most cases,  reign supreme.  But in my mate's case, and many would agree if they knew all the circumstances, the truth would do more damage than good.

[Elkski]

This is a very interesting quandary.  

I'm not sure what to do.    I'm inclined to think Tom deserves to knows the truth.    Many men could not tolerate a wife doing this.   But maybe he can.   I believe true love can get past such a thing like this.   But do many valid points have been made for reasons to not let Tom know who told him.   

 

I hate people who are like ostriches when talking about STI risks.   I've heard it all.  You may get hit crossing the road tomorrow.  Just enjoy life.  Blah blah.   I have don't it for years and no problem.  Well many people don't win the lottery but someone does.   

I think an anonymous letter with pictures is a good idea.  Then support Tom and don't judge her or them.    

[473geo]

The perception of a monogamous relationship and the reality are often very different

Females throughout history have carried the ability to have sex when they felt the need, plenty of willing providers out there!

 Perhaps better to accept life as it is, not be driven by how puritans expect it to be!!

 

1 in 3 women (not deep research I admit) apparently have sex outside a relationship...... so the comment above

 

" Many men could not tolerate a wife doing this "......well perhaps they are just fine with it because they never know!!

 

[cyberfarang]

32 minutes ago, 473geo said:

The perception of a monogamous relationship and the reality are often very different

Females throughout history have carried the ability to have sex when they felt the need, plenty of willing providers out there!

 Perhaps better to accept life as it is, not be driven by how puritans expect it to be!!

 

1 in 3 women (not deep research I admit) apparently have sex outside a relationship...... so the comment above

 

" Many men could not tolerate a wife doing this "......well perhaps they are just fine with it because they never know!!

 

Female partners who cheat and especially those who cheat on a regular basis either with one other guy or several other guys, do not love their BFs/husbands. This applies to women in all countries.  It`s as simple as that.

 

Once a woman cheats on you, it`s like a family dog that bites you, if it happens they can never be trusted again. It`s even worse if the woman is deceitful and is partying or leading a separate sex life behind her male partners back. What guy would want to be in a relationship like that? Including the obvious dangers to a male partner if his wife/GF is having unsafe sex with another man or other men, which means even if the guys are not aware their female partners are cheating, it could still do them harm.

 

If there are guys who are tolerant of their long term female partners sleeping around, then the guys may just as well go with prostitutes because there is no point in staying together. 

 

 

Edited February 10, 2018 by cyberfarang

[Air Smiles]

1 hour ago, Elkski said:

This is a very interesting quandary.  

I'm not sure what to do.    I'm inclined to think Tom deserves to knows the truth.

 

 

The truth?  Maybe I missed a post but so far all the OP has to go on is unsubstantiated gossip and hearsay.

 

[473geo]

13 minutes ago, cyberfarang said:

Female partners who cheat and especially those who cheat on a regular basis either with one other guy or several other guys, do not love their BFs/husbands. This applies to women in all countries.  It`s as simple as that.

But we are discussing Thailand so is that statement ignoring the considered opinion of most Tvisa experts, that farang Thai marriages are a financial arrangement not love?

13 minutes ago, cyberfarang said:

 

Once a woman cheats on you, it`s like a family dog that bites you, if it happens they can never be trusted again. It`s even worse if the woman is deceitful and is partying or leading a separate sex life behind her male partners back. What guy would want to be in a relationship like that? Including the obvious dangers to a male partner if his wife/GF is having unsafe sex with another man or other men, which means even if the guys are not aware their female partners are cheating, it could still do them harm.

I believe 1 in 3 men have sex outside relationships too - I guess they all keep their partners informed!! I guess don't have sex with anyone is your only practical solution. There is of course also the consideration if a wife who wanted to continue a relationship, or a husband for that matter, they would need to be very careful regarding STD!!

13 minutes ago, cyberfarang said:

 

If there are guys who are tolerant of their long term female partners sleeping around, then the guys may just as well go with prostitutes because there is no point in staying together. 

 

 

From the sex angle yes, from just about every other angle no, a wife generally provides multiple benefits apart from sex. By way of example with the man of the topic, she picks him up from the 'meetings'

 

1 in 3....  a fair chance the next find is doing the same thing......perhaps you are the 'outside interest'

 

"If there are guys who are tolerant of their long term female partners sleeping around" ....They deal with it their way, no business of any other.

 

[Russell17au]

If it is not gossip and it is proven then I think the biggest problem is how is Tom going to react to being told his wife is cheating on him.

1. Is he going to accept it and stay with her?

2. Is he going to ask her for a divorce?

3. Will he not be able to accept that she has been cheating on him and snap and murder her?

4. Will he not be able to accept that she has been cheating on him and not be able to accept the humiliation of all his      friends knowing and become severely depressed and commit suicide?

All these 4 things have happened in not only Thailand.

So whatever you decide to do is a big risk

[HooHaa]

5 hours ago, cyberfarang said:

 

 

Once a woman cheats on you, it`s like a family dog that bites you, if it happens they can never be trusted again. 

 

 

I reduced this to its key, very illustrative metaphor.

 

 

[MaeJoMTB]

9 hours ago, ThaiFelix said:

We all have something from our past that we regret and would rather kept hidden. 

Can't say I've done anything I wanted hidden ....... past or present.

[MaeJoMTB]

7 hours ago, cyberfarang said:

Once a woman cheats on you, it`s like a family dog that bites you, if it happens they can never be trusted again.

The mistake was ever thinking a woman (you've had sex with) could be trusted.

Edited February 11, 2018 by MaeJoMTB

[MaeJoMTB]

6 hours ago, 473geo said:

I believe 1 in 3 men have sex outside relationships too - I guess they all keep their partners informed!! I guess don't have sex with anyone is your only practical solution. There is of course also the consideration if a wife who wanted to continue a relationship, or a husband for that matter, they would need to be very careful regarding STD!!

Most STDs are trivial, a cold is often more unpleasant.

I worry more about falling off my bicycle, that hurts a lot.

[jippytum]

My friend informed me  of my wife's indiscretions while I was away . As this was proven I divorced her immediately and never regretted the decision .If my friend had kept quiet and I later found out he knew what was going on behind my back I would have also lost a friend .

[OneMoreFarang]

It seems a lot of guys in this forum say they want the truth, always the whole truth. Really?

 

I wonder how many of them had sex with someone else while they were in a relationship? Did you all tell your wife/gf? If not, why not? You know, truth is important.

And how about if you had sex with someone else maybe a year ago and never again, and your wife does not know? Should you come forward now and tell her the truth about what happened a year ago? Or is it maybe better to keep it quiet?

 

I am not all together against truth, I think there should be truth most of the time. But I think sometimes it's better to just shut up...

[Road Warrior]

a still tongue is a wise tongue !!

[473geo]

2 hours ago, MaeJoMTB said:

Most STDs are trivial, a cold is often more unpleasant.

I worry more about falling off my bicycle, that hurts a lot.

Perhaps, however, a partner does not seek an answer to the source of your cold, or the cause of your bicycle accident

[tryasimight]

Why didn't the big bike guy simply say hello to Toms missus when saw her? 

It would have sorted itself out naturally soon enough. 

Maybe that's to hard to do..... Easier to start malicious gossip I guess. 

What a nest of vipers this particular ex pat drinking group must be. 

Edited February 11, 2018 by tryasimight

[seancbk]

On 2/8/2018 at 10:50 PM, Once Bitten said:

there parked down the side of that cabin was Tom's car that has an unmistakable distinctive side stripe logo on it and  parked next to it was pickup with a Bangkok number plate.

 

So if 'Tom' reads this forum it won't be too hard for him to at least guess this describes his car. 

 

 

[Stokakrishna]

i would prefer  bitter truth or  sweet lie.

be a man and tell him. what could happen??

[cyberfarang]

3 hours ago, jippytum said:

My friend informed me  of my wife's indiscretions while I was away . As this was proven I divorced her immediately and never regretted the decision .If my friend had kept quiet and I later found out he knew what was going on behind my back I would have also lost a friend .

35 years ago my cousin told me and my aunt (her mother) that her husband was having an affair. My cousin (who I was very close with, we were brought up together) turned up at my aunt`s home, (her mother) in a terrible distressed state. Some time later my cousin told my aunt and I which pub she suspected her husband was meeting his bit on the side, egged on by my aunt and my cousin, I kept using that pub that made the situation very uncomfortable for my cousin`s husband, wanting to catch him out and provide evidence for my cousin.

 

Sometime later I met my cousin who was with her husband in a pub. He called me over to one side and said; if I stick my nose into his business again he will kick my head in. My cousin could hear his threats but just sat there and said nothing. After that they continued on as normal and I was never welcomed in their home again. Still in frequent contact with my cousin by Skype but she has made it clear her husband does not like me and if I visited England I could not stay at their home. 

 

What I should had done is asked my cousin what she wanted to do about her situation, offered my support if she needed it and then left it up to her.

 

If you have a friend who you discover has a cheating partner and inform that friend, if the couple kissy, kissy and make up, the friend informant will be cast out of their circle, the cheating partner will not want the friend informant around because it means the very presence of that person makes him/her lose face. The friend with the cheating partner will always place the partner before his/her friends.

 

Big lesson learned, nowadays I never become involved in other people`s dramas, better off to stay out of it and deny knowing anything about it.

[sanemax]

On 2/8/2018 at 10:50 PM, Once Bitten said:

This guy is a big bike enthusiast and regularly goes on motorbike trips to other parts of Thailand .

Wonder what Tom gets up to on his regular trips around Thailand ?

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, sanemax said:

Wonder what Tom gets up to on his regular trips around Thailand ?

Maybe this thread should be moved to the motorcycle forum in Thai Visa.

Hi Tom, are you enjoying your trip?

 

[thaibeachlovers]

12 hours ago, MaeJoMTB said:

Most STDs are trivial, a cold is often more unpleasant.

I worry more about falling off my bicycle, that hurts a lot.

Genital herpes is not trivial, syphilis is not trivial, gonorrhea is not trivial.

[StreetCowboy]

2 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Genital herpes is not trivial, syphilis is not trivial, gonorrhea is not trivial.

Falling off your bicycle is not trivial.

 

A friend of mine discovered they had syphillis when they went for a work permit medical, and three antibiotic injections later they were fine.  Another friend has long term problems because of an injury to his shoulder falling off his bike,

 

We might chortle and joke about these things when we escape serious harm, but anything can happen....

 

SC

[Sirbergan]

3 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Genital herpes is not trivial, syphilis is not trivial, gonorrhea is not trivial.

I guess that depends on the person, for a person aged 80 it might very well be!

[MaeJoMTB]

54 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Genital herpes is not trivial, syphilis is not trivial, gonorrhea is not trivial.

Herpes disappears for most people, I seem to be immune.

Syphilis and Gonorrhea are cured in a week.

 

As StreetCowboy mentioned, I broke my jaw and snapped two teeth in a minor cycling accident.

Two year later I can still feel it.

Edited February 11, 2018 by MaeJoMTB

[Sirbergan]

Just now, MaeJoMTB said:

Herpes disappears for most people, I seem to be immune.

Syphilis and Gonorrhea are cured in a week.

Hepatitis is not, and with the average alcohol consumption of expats it might be devastating