36 year old UK man, considering life's options. How difficult is it to find a genuine Thai woman? Are the woman on these marriage/introduction sites actaully legit?

[MyFriend You]

Nakon Si Thamarat, down around Hat Yai, or Songkla  are some "un-ruined "  as you say 'real Thai women'.........but a relationship with one takes a lot of work, you will have to learn Thai - damned near fluently, no one down there speaks english, 'cept some older retired Pattaya bar girls in some bars in Hat Yai  -  oh yes, you might have to convert to Islam if you are thinking of marraige...........so lower your sights a little and live with the rest of us single ex-pats, Bangkok, Pattaya, Chiang Mai, not many genuine Thai women in these places.........I think your quest if unrealistic, this is not the 70's or 80's  -  I would guess 95% of all Thai/Expat relationships begin in a bar of some sort, not saying all are 'bar girls'  but most are - I have been in living long and short term for over 40 years.   

 

Oh, I'll catch hell from the millenniums on this forum for my  comments - they never met their spouce/GF in a sleazy bar or a dating site.

Edited February 19, 2018 by TunnelRat69

[MyFriend You]

On 2/18/2018 at 7:55 AM, gunghang said:

I skimmed the preceding posts and I hope that this isn't a duplicate.

 

If you want a wife, consider the PI. Wives are the best known PI export.

 

I'd be ready to become a Western Union preferred customer and send a couple of hundred dollars to her family every month.

 

Your experience will not conform to every stereotype.

 

Thai is more of a challenge.  In the PI, you might as well be in Mexico. In Thailand, you're in another world.

 

I've been married 13 years to a Thai, in or near Thailand.  Previously I was married 11 years to a Thai in the US.

I also had a "serious" relationship with a pinay.

 

I suggest putting dating sites on hold.  Visit Angeles and Pattaya, experience what it's like to have vaginas grow on trees, and get that out of your system.

 

Get a job in Bangkok.  Once you have an apartment and have lived there for awhile, you'll know if a Thai wife is really a fit for you.  And, once you've lived there for awhile, people interested in you will find you.

 

And, once you have a non-im B, no more posts like this one.  Keep your mouth shut.

I'm scared as hell of PI, Angeles City in particular, I fall in love every half hour - living there would ruin my 31 years single record, and I am sure after a half dozen years, all my savings, investments would disappear  

[MyFriend You]

On 2/17/2018 at 6:10 PM, hellohello123 said:

Op sounds very inexperieced in life...sorry to say

Yeah, at this rate, they will suck him into one nostril, and blow him out the other............Asian women as a whole are very clever in seperating their mark from his money, quick or slow.

[bwpage3]

"visit introduction/marriage agency"

 

Your train has already gone off the tracks.

[ExistentialInquiry]

Hello everyone

 

A huge amount to digest in all the replies. Thank you all. Many of you have given some serious "food for thought" and I am considering what you say, and a lot of you have also been highly supportive. Some of you clearly enjoy slating me, but oh well, I'll take it on the chin. Calling me a "36 year old loser" does seem unnecessarily harsh. Not sure what you hope to accomplish by telling someone that, because it certainly doesn't really help me "improve" myself. We're all just human beings trying to do the best that we can with our imperfect selves.

 

A few new developments. I agree with the comments and have rethought this whole marriage agency thing, and have also scrapped the idealised "plan".

 

So, as per one of the original posts, I did join ThaiFriendly, and did start to get a very good rate of replies. I was well aware of the cautionary tales regarding bargirls/freelancers etc., so I have tried to be alert. Anyway, after having chatted with half a dozen girls in fairly trivial conversations, and being put on guard by ones that seemed far too keen far too quickly, I have struck up a really good meaningful dialogue with one particular girl. She has a university degree in Biotech, and speaks pretty good English. In fact her English language ability is probably the thing that has made a decisive difference, as we have had some really good conversations. She does actually seem to enjoy more "philosophical" conversations too, so perhaps I am not a total and utter bore She is almost exactly same age as me at 35. She does seem to be genuine, but obviously I am proceeding with caution. We have had a couple of good long videochats. She is certainly very good looking as well (or I think so).

 

I am now looking at trying to come across and work as a PT with a gym chain in Bangkok. I am happy just to come over for an experience - if it doesn't work out, or I hate it, I haven't really lost much and can return to UK and just get another job or try to do PT elsewhere. At least it'll make life interesting. I'll see where the chats go with the girl. If it doesn't develop into something, I'm sure I can meet some new girls when I land and have some fun at least. Like some of you say, perhaps I should "get it out my system" if nothing else, if meeting "love of my life" is unrealistic.

To the poster that suggested being a PT isn't a career. Many professionals that I know would disagree. Although there are many that are bankrupted or failed, I also know quite a few trainers that have been doing it for a decade or more, love doing it, and it fulfills a good lifestyle/work balance. Is it the greatest paid job in the world? No. Is it a satisfying job? Yes, it can be, in fact it can be hugely satisfying. I suppose it depends on your criteria for career. There is always a price to be paid. People do not often evaluate the health consequences of their jobs; being a PT was a near perfect job health wise... There are a few PTs who are essentially brilliant sales people, also often well above average in looks, who do in fact make an extremely good living. To make serious money it is really about your selling ability not training ability. I'm better at training than selling as you can probably no doubt tell.

 

To the poster that asked, yeah, I'm in very good physical shape. I'd say my looks are "average", but body is well above average. Guess that helps my cause at least somewhat.

[ExistentialInquiry]

On 2/17/2018 at 8:36 AM, OmarZaid said:

Hello Mr. Essential,

 

My good wife has many ex-students that would fit your bill (she's a retired teacher) ... if interested, get back to me and I'll introduce you .... who knows .... ya just might get lucky

 

Cheers 

 

Thank you OmarZaid, very much appreciated. I'll see how I go but I'll be in touch if things don't seem to be working out under my own steam. I'm looking forward to seeing what I think of Thailand life/culture first.

[ExistentialInquiry]

On 2/17/2018 at 1:29 PM, Rockhopper said:

You better read:

 

Thailand Fever by Chris Pirazzi & Vitida Vasant

Working With the Thais by Henry Holmes & Suchada Tangtongtavy

Private Dancer by Stephen Leather

Confessions of a Bangkok Private Eye as told to Stephen Leather

 

I'll look into them! I'm a bit of a bookworm (no one here would ever guess, lol!).

[ExistentialInquiry]

On 2/17/2018 at 11:49 AM, wombat said:

deffo a holiday in Pattaya needed.

 

check in with us again after you land please.

 

Lol. This is option B. If option A leads nowhere over next couple of years, I'll give up and just go on holiday there and have fun 2x a year. At least I'll be getting laid somewhat regularly even if British women still aren't interested!

[ExistentialInquiry]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Some of you have given some really detailed and useful advice - I've carefully read it all - appreciated. I'll try to digest it all and bear it in mind in coming months. If I land in Bangkok I'll give you a shout so some of you who are clearly more savvy than me can hopefully help me avoid getting taken to the cleaners! I'm not naive but I do have a dangerous "romantic" propensity that sometimes wants to see people as more honest/noble than they are in reality - especially when it comes to women...

[theguyfromanotherforum]

4 hours ago, ExistentialInquiry said:

 

Lol. This is option B. If option A leads nowhere over next couple of years, I'll give up and just go on holiday there and have fun 2x a year. At least I'll be getting laid somewhat regularly even if British women still aren't interested!

 

And if you choose option B, you will be also getting laid by Thai women that are only interested in the payment at the end of the session.

 

May as well stay in UK and jerk off to porn as I honestly don't see any point in shagging hookers at your age.

 

 

[Elkski]

Sounds like you have a nice woman to talk to you but I would not come to Thailand with less than one woman every 3 or 4 days on your schedule

[NonthaburiBear]

2 hours ago, Elkski said:

Sounds like you have a nice woman to talk to you but I would not come to Thailand with less than one woman every 3 or 4 days on your schedule

3 or 4 from TF ?  that could be blow to dust in a nick of time :D

[NonthaburiBear]

7 hours ago, ExistentialInquiry said:

Thanks for the replies everyone. Some of you have given some really detailed and useful advice - I've carefully read it all - appreciated. I'll try to digest it all and bear it in mind in coming months. If I land in Bangkok I'll give you a shout so some of you who are clearly more savvy than me can hopefully help me avoid getting taken to the cleaners! I'm not naive but I do have a dangerous "romantic" propensity that sometimes wants to see people as more honest/noble than they are in reality - especially when it comes to women...

i think you're bit heavy..just get your ass down there..get fun and hook up, alas you dont get what you want at least you'll learn something and i'm sure you'll be back to los :D

[MaeJoMTB]

3 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

May as well stay in UK and jerk off to porn as I honestly don't see any point in shagging hookers at your age.

I was shagging my English wife when I was his age.

But it wasn't very often, and it wasn't much fun, and she wasn't very pretty, and the jerking off alone was often.

 

So I gotta disagree with you, the Thai hookers are prettier, younger, cheaper and better in bed than an English woman (of any age).

Have you ever had sex with an English woman? We conquered half the world as an excuse to get away from them!

[gunghang]

6 hours ago, MaeJoMTB said:

Have you ever had sex with an English woman? We conquered half the world as an excuse to get away from them!

Thank God we haven't strayed off-topic!

Edited February 20, 2018 by gunghang

[hellohello123]

Seriously.... just take things light heartedly. You seem to have put so much expectations on everything 

Put your self on the other foot.

Ignoring who you are or which country  you are from or want to go to.

Do you think a guy who csnnot speak the language, who knows nothing about the culture, and who sux with women (im no casanova either)

Goes online, chats up a few people. Is going to simply go to a foregin country and find a normal wife???

 

Sure you might get lucky. But if you really  want success why not get a mail order bride from eastern europe or onlinr bridal agency from Philippines. 

 

From your post. It just stinks of desperation. As a man, in my experircne its no difference to going ti a club in your own country  and tryinf to pick up every girl inside.

Unless you look like brad pitt or hugh heffner how well do you think thats going  to work???

[ExistentialInquiry]

Point taken hellohello. You are right though. Need to take things less seriously and come in with no real expectations and see what happens. Desperation is probably the incorrect word, depression might be a more accurate term.

 

Well call it fake, call it whatever, point is that I'm getting Thai women who are "interested" in me, whereas British women generally can't even be arsed to bother replying. Are they all just after me for my perceived money? Maybe. But in my experience a lot of so called "normal relationships" over here in UK are often effectively just a monetary transaction of sorts, just payment via alternative means, so maybe it isn't so different in any case...

 

Re: just choose porn at "my age". Lol.

 

You forget I was/am a PT. Meanwhile over last three years I've cycled more than 50,000km. 10 hours of physical training per week is normal for me. I may be chronologically 36 but believe me, I have no problem keeping up with a 20 year old, whether that be on a bike or at anything else.   Pretty certain if I was subjected to a series of biometric tests I'd probably come up with a biological age of 25. So not a total failure in life, though some people here seem to have concluded so.

[hellohello123]

12 hours ago, ExistentialInquiry said:

Point taken hellohello. You are right though. Need to take things less seriously and come in with no real expectations and see what happens. Desperation is probably the incorrect word, depression might be a more accurate term.

 

Well call it fake, call it whatever, point is that I'm getting Thai women who are "interested" in me, whereas British women generally can't even be arsed to bother replying. Are they all just after me for my perceived money? Maybe. But in my experience a lot of so called "normal relationships" over here in UK are often effectively just a monetary transaction of sorts, just payment via alternative means, so maybe it isn't so different in any case...

 

Re: just choose porn at "my age". Lol.

 

You forget I was/am a PT. Meanwhile over last three years I've cycled more than 50,000km. 10 hours of physical training per week is normal for me. I may be chronologically 36 but believe me, I have no problem keeping up with a 20 year old, whether that be on a bike or at anything else.   Pretty certain if I was subjected to a series of biometric tests I'd probably come up with a biological age of 25. So not a total failure in life, though some people here seem to have concluded so.

I get that too in online dating (im not in the UK btw),

do you really want someone replying if they are bad quality,

sure its a numbers game,

go on one of those dating apps and change the lcoation to thailand, youre going to get heaps of replies, from hookers,

 

would you rather quality over quantity?

 

maybe im a minority, but I dont feel the need to settle down with someone, if someone good comes along thats great,

I dont have the bioloigcal urge that everyone talks about,

im never married, no defacto, had a few long term relationships, which were great

Edited February 21, 2018 by hellohello123

[The manic]

On 19/02/2018 at 8:31 AM, Mac98 said:

I agree. I like Thai girls. Been going there for 20 years and know some very nice ladies. They do everything for you. I can't even cut my own meat in a restaurant. But you need to be there; don't take a Thai girl away from family and friends. And if a Thai girl gets Westernized it will be in all the ways you don't like. They learn fast.

Philippine Girls have less character and seem devoid of any natural culture.

[The manic]

On 20/02/2018 at 5:03 AM, ExistentialInquiry said:

 

I'll look into them! I'm a bit of a bookworm (no one here would ever guess, lol!).

Christopher G More is the best writer about life, ladies, cilture,politics and the underbelly of Thailand The leather book is totally unreal and one of his worst ...The others in the list are pretty shallow. Just come over have fun and sex in BKK and Pats and travel around the rest of Thailand. Especially Issan. Follow the festivals and see how Thais are when no farang are around.

This is where you find wife material

[Elkski]

Some of you guys say dating sites are all hookers.  That may have been true at first in Thailand but it is surely not now.    

The OP needs to know all the catagory of the posters here. And temper their words accordingly.

 

 

You have men who never married?   Maybe they think highly of themselves ?? But I don't think that is normal??  I know one very buddy who never married.   Yes he was strange. 

Many men  had 30 year marriages from hell and lost the farm and are bitter people.  

Many men who post here have used sex workers all their life or at least recently and are willing to talk about it and think this is normal. 

Just go get laid!!! Some say. 

 

I think the OP is going to find what he seeks.   Maybe many of you can learn from him.     

Edited February 21, 2018 by Elkski

[gunghang]

45 minutes ago, Elkski said:

I think the OP is going to find what he seeks.   Maybe many of you can learn from him. 

I think the OP might find a little bit more than he's seeking.  Maybe he'll learn something.

[gunghang]

What is there to learn from him? That a person's life can be destroyed by a bad marriage?  That it can be easier to find a spouse in a country less affluent than ones homeland?  Neither "lesson" is exactly news, especially if one is familiar with divorce in California.

 

Speaking as one who has done what the OP wants to do, what might be learned is what a minefield a foreign marriage can be to walk in to.  I suppose one ulterior, and subliminal, motive to do this is the same one that makes some pilots want to be naval aviators and deal with carrier landings.  Once you've tried the hard way, the easy way is boring.

Edited February 21, 2018 by gunghang

[Elkski]

39 minutes ago, gunghang said:

I think the OP might find a little bit more than he's seeking.  Maybe he'll learn something.

I hate to tell you but many men like me don't find these gals attractive.  Or if attractive they surely don't look the keeper type. They seem to have nice bodies and no implants below the neck.  But how are those modified noses going to look in 20 years?  The pink one makes me gag. 

The one on the right looks the best.  But not if those are her friends.  

[chickenslegs]

10 minutes ago, Elkski said:

I hate to tell you but many men like me don't find these gals attractive.  Or if attractive they surely don't look the keeper type. They seem to have nice bodies and no implants below the neck.  But how are those modified noses going to look in 20 years?  The pink one makes me gag. 

The one on the right looks the best.  But not if those are her friends.  

Erm... I don't think there are any girls in that photo.

 

Clue: Miss Tiffany's Universe.

[Elkski]

I'm not an expert at those things.  I think it is easy to find out if a person is a LB.   I don't think they try to hide this from a man do they?   Seems it would be easy to sort out in a voice conversation on the Line?   

But good warning to the OP none the less but the meaning passed by me. 

[TalayJai]

This is about "Thai girls" story.
Can i Ask farang on thaivisa.
How i can find a good farang man not a buffalo farang man. Seriously!

Sent from my [device_name] using http://Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[chickenslegs]

4 minutes ago, TalayJai said:

This is about "Thai girls" story.
Can i Ask farang on thaivisa.
How i can find a good farang man not a buffalo farang man. Seriously!

Sent from my [device_name] using http://Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

Most of us have already been "found" by good Thai women.

 

There are still a few good Farang men hanging around the bars of Bangkok and Pattaya - but you may have to buy them a few drinks to impress them.

 

Good luck!

[TalayJai]

Most of us have already been "found" by good Thai women.
 
There are still a few good Farang men hanging around the bars of Bangkok and Pattaya - but you may have to buy them a few drinks to impress them.
 
Good luck!

*Pictures from thai girls group. But i still wondering. If they just office girls or not a bar girls or work in night club. And also she not drink or go club So how she can find a good farang.

Sent from my [device_name] using http://Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎2‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 9:35 PM, ExistentialInquiry said:

saakura, thanks for the supportive reply, appreciated. I suppose I am quite "old fashioned"; I've just become increasingly disillusioned with the way that technology often seems to be disrupting rather than improving communications between people/between sexes.

 

theguyfromanotherforum, well, thank you for your candour. Suggesting my post is written by someone with a 15 year old mentality seems unnecessarily derogatory, since I did expressly ask for opinions as to whether my expectations etc. were unrealistic, which is hardly the type of open minded questioning prototypical of a teenage mindset who already assumes he knows all of the answers beforehand.

 

Despite your tone, I do take what you have said under advisement, and certainly am prepared to admit that you may be correct, or at least partially correct. However, do not infer that I'm a 36 "shelf stacker" due to lack of effort or application. For your information, I was a personal trainer for 4 years and put everything into building that career. Ultimately, however, I simply wasn't/aren't a good enough sales person to really make it happen. Or perhaps I simply don't have the confidence in order to sell myself well enough, which amounts to the same thing. Unfortunately, the collapse of that career also ended up destroying the relationship with the woman I loved and lived with at the time.

 

Your question is a good one. My response is this: "Do Thai women generally have the same value system as UK/Western women? Do they treat all potential matches in the same way as shopping for, say, a new fridge? Has Thai culture changed in the same way that British culture has changed over the last few years?" My impression was that a lot of Thai women still held to more of a Buddhist type value system, which is quite dramatically different from the typical Western value system. If this impression is incorrect, please do enlighten me - this is precisely why I'm asking.

 

My observation is that the cultural change in the UK in the last five years is significant. It pretty much corresponds historically to the rise of Tinder. Incidentally I have nothing whatsoever against people "hooking up". My issue is that a biproduct of this is that absolutely all interactions seem to have been infected with a viewpoint of "disposability".

 

You say you spent 10 years researching before you moved to Thailand - good for you. I say I spent a few hours reading this forum, and I am asking these questions precisely to get a gauge of what the situation is. How am I supposed to learn if not by asking questions of people like yourself who know far more?! I am asking precisely because I don't have a clue and am trying to become less clueless, so your criticism is precisely what I am attempting to address.

 

Obviously not all of us are as world wise, confident, or successful as you are; I'm not sure why some people feel the need to respond with such aggression in online conversations. Anyway, thanks for your input.

I see you already met one of our "contributors" that likes to offer personal "opinions'' about other posters.

 

I'm sorry, I didn't read all of your OP as it's too long for an old mind to assimilate.

However, you seem to think that the usual requirements for attracting western women apply- 

Looks are "average", I would say. Decent teeth, not particularly tall (5'8"). Clean and tidy. Shaved head as my hair genetics aren't great so decided to eliminate it entirely rather than have thinning bald patch! Physically I look after myself, so I'm in well above average shape, in terms of being lean and slim (I am a cyclist, former PT, run, and lift weights etc.), though I'm definitely not a chunky bodybuilder type physique. 64kg. Overall I'm someone you wouldn't really notice at a party, though people do remark (genuinely) that I look younger than I actually am.

The only requirement necessary in LOS is a large wallet. Some will say that is not true, but it worked for me, and many others.

 

However, seriously, you are IMO going about this all wrong if you think you can look on a dating site or 3 and find a perfect Thai woman that will be grateful to be taken away from Thailand to live in a strange and cold place, leaving all her friends and family behind. No, she won't be grateful at all, not a bit.

 

"Do Thai women generally have the same value system as UK/Western women?

NO. My wife's main focus was her family. I came somewhere below the hamsters in her value system.

Do they treat all potential matches in the same way as shopping for, say, a new fridge?

YES. You should be prepared to support her family in everything. If you can't do that, you are going to have to be a very lucky guy to progress far in the love stakes.

Has Thai culture changed in the same way that British culture has changed over the last few years?

NO

" My impression was that a lot of Thai women still held to more of a Buddhist type value system, which is quite dramatically different from the typical Western value system.

They are Buddhist in the same way British people are all Christians. My wife went to the temple and all that, but it did not influence her life much if at all. Her beliefs were much more primitive, superstitions and ghosts.

 

You will have no problem finding a woman that will hold out the promise of everything that you ever wished for, and it might work. On the other hand it might not. How much do you want to bet on it- everything you have, your mental health, even your life?

 

I've just become increasingly disillusioned with the way that technology often seems to be disrupting rather than improving communications between people/between sexes.

yet you want to marry a Thai woman that will probably have a mobile phone wired directly to her arm, and will spend her entire waking life on it.

 

IMO you are too young to even be considering it. Save up, have a few holidays here, meet some women and have a good time without even thinking about marrying them. Travel around Thailand. Never go to meet the family.

Use your spare time back home to learn to speak Thai. 

When you go back home don't communicate with them. Never look back. 

Then, when you've met a few Thai women and know a bit about the country, you'll know if you even want to take it further.

 

I had 2 holidays a year in LOS, and met a lot of Thai women, but in the end I was just as unlucky in my choice as any newbie with no Thai experience. I guess I just wasn't that lucky.

 

Edited February 22, 2018 by thaibeachlovers