Dowry?

[Topah]

10 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

it made my life a lot happier and easier

Yeah but still about 50% marriages will end to divorce. It is like flipping the coin. Marriage will bring things which will cost you a lot if/when you divorce. You are one of the lucky ones who want to settle with one lady for the rest of your life. I like freedom and possibility to do exactly what I want and when I want. I also like the fact that I was married because I would not appreciate things I have when I am free from marriage. 

[AYJAYDEE]

6 minutes ago, Topah said:

Yeah but still about 50% marriages will end to divorce. It is like flipping the coin. Marriage will bring things which will cost you a lot if/when you divorce. You are one of the lucky ones who want to settle with one lady for the rest of your life. I like freedom and possibility to do exactly what I want and when I want. I also like the fact that I was married because I would not appreciate things I have when I am free from marriage. 

too bad

[atyclb]

2 hours ago, 473geo said:

No ire on my part, I wonder if your son had chosen to love a girl from a traditional (not attached to the sex trade) family who requested a token sinsot, would you have advised against this union on the grounds that it was a 'bar fine'?

 

 

rural lower socioeconomic families not attached to the sex trade and rural lower socioeconomic families that are attached to the sex trade would share more in common than not.

[atyclb]

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

19 hours ago, KhaoYai said:

Maybe in your version of Thai families. Not being rude but it is impossible for you to know how all Thai families work.  Despite all the bad stories of farangs getting ripped off, chewed up and spat out, such families remain in the minority - at least they are in the ones I know. I guess it depends on which circles you choose to mix in.

In that case, can we have some posts from farangs that have become head of Thai extended family households, where they rule the roost and say who gets what in wills, and where the villagers come to them for advice and support, rather than the village headman ( even better- any farang "village headmen" on TVF? ).

 

I'm not holding my breath in anticipation.

 

"

In that case, can we have some posts from farangs that have become head of Thai extended family households, where they rule the roost and say who gets what in wills, and where the villagers come to them for advice and support, rather than the village headman ( even better- any farang "village headmen" on TVF? )."

 

Wow, how did you know that as it is my life's goal and dream especially villagers coming to me for advice and support over the village headman.

 

[atyclb]

7 hours ago, Poottrong said:

16 hours ago, atyclb said:

 

 

how much would a reasonably well to do thai guy dowry amount be to a gal from an average rural issan family?

Assuming you're not getting any of the sinsod back I would guess 100,000 baht, some gold and a decent wedding party is plenty. If the girl has been married before or has a kid already I would drop that down dramatically to maybe a token sinsod of 30k plus a modest wedding.

 

 

 

i though the answer i might get would be "a reasonably well to do thai guy would likely not marry a gal from an average rural issan family"

[Kadilo]

2 hours ago, AYJAYDEE said:

so if your in laws asked for it, you'd walk out on your wife and any kids you might have?

If they asked for it after I have been upfront from day one with my partner and them I would be insulted and would walk yes. 

i am not expecting that scenario tbh because when I met my partner (she has been married and has a child from Thai marriage) I was totally upfront on what I expected from our relationship and what she could expect from me. 

No Dowry and no more kids were among mine and any reversal on that would mean me walking and she and they are well aware of that. 

Good luck to those who pay and are happy to but it's not for me. 

 

[Kadilo]

2 hours ago, 473geo said:

Not married yet then?

Nope and tbh it's not something I'm even contemplating at the present. 

[AYJAYDEE]

1 minute ago, Kadilo said:

If they asked for it after I have been upfront from day one with my partner and them I would be insulted and would walk yes. 

i am not expecting that scenario tbh because when I met my partner (she has been married and has a child from Thai marriage) I was totally upfront on what I expected from our relationship and what she could expect from me. 

No Dowry and no more kids were among mine and any reversal on that would mean me walking and she and they are well aware of that. 

Good luck to those who pay and are happy to but it's not for me. 

 

wow!!!

[Rc2702]

I pay 5k a quarter in cash and 1000 baht a month in milk and nourishments which we post to them.

 

I'd never give them a Satang more in one lump as they would waste it.

 

I've spent the best part of 3 years interrogating my Mrs about what her and her 2 sisters have been giving the family and for what purpose.

 

The truth is nothing has been achieved by them and they grow a fair amount of food on a farm and it sickens me to say this but some of that food does not even get picked. It is no wonder people steal from their farm.

 

The one sister got married last year and pulled together 99k baht. 60k in cash and 39k in gold.

 

They tried to keep the lot (cash)and the groom had to ask for 3k back to get back to bkk etc when he realised no cash was coming. The mom got an earful and then advised she was going to secretly give the daughter 10k but all that did was create and trust issue with the newlyweds from the outset. That's another thing that harms all relationships - secrets.

 

 

 

 

[smotherb]

3 hours ago, 473geo said:

No ire on my part, I wonder if your son had chosen to love a girl from a traditional (not attached to the sex trade) family who requested a token sinsot, would you have advised against this union on the grounds that it was a 'bar fine'?

 

Yes, that is exactly what I did.

[smotherb]

[brling]

On 5/8/2018 at 2:13 AM, AYJAYDEE said:

Generalization. I know many girls who specifically went to work in the bar to meet and marry a foreigner and emigrate! And the large majority of these marriages worked out well.

 

Pathetic excuse to be a lazy prostitute. There is work available in hotels, cafes, offices, where they can meet farangs.

[welovethailand]

Ok, I got a good answer to all this....

If you are basically good shape, health, have hair , 40's to early 50's, you definately don't pay. 

But if you are old, bald, bad shape, then yes, you should pay them to accept you.

Just my opinion.

[Jip99]

6 minutes ago, welovethailand said:

Ok, I got a good answer to all this....

If you are basically good shape, health, have hair , 40's to early 50's, you definately don't pay. 

But if you are old, bald, bad shape, then yes, you should pay them to accept you.

Just my opinion.

 

 

... and you consider that to be a “good answer”....?

 

 

Troll.

[torrzent]

Tell the bride that it is your custom for the bride to pay the groom and see what she says.  It is actually this way in places like India, where sometimes livestock is used in payment of the debt.

[welovethailand]

Jip99, no I am not a TROLL, maybe you are. I was 40 when 1st married to a Thai..paid nothing. Lasted 7 years. Then remarried at 50, again, no money. And good shape, and handsome. Now 58 and still married. 

Like I said "Just my opinion". 

[colinneil]

31 minutes ago, welovethailand said:

Jip99, no I am not a TROLL, maybe you are. I was 40 when 1st married to a Thai..paid nothing. Lasted 7 years. Then remarried at 50, again, no money. And good shape, and handsome. Now 58 and still married. 

Like I said "Just my opinion". 

So you are 1 of them silly buggers who believes Thai bar girls when they call you handsome man.

Recently a Thai woman told me i was handsome, and i am old fat and f++++ed.

[sawadee1947]

On 8.5.2018 at 2:08 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

Would you build a house for a woman's parents in your own country?

What are they living in already? Why is it not good enough?

 

There is never a case for sin sod if she was married before. They have already been paid once for her- that's enough. I just gave some for MIL's face and got it back after.

 

Looking back, best thing I did in my marriage was NOT building her a house, as impossible to take that with one after divorce, and they might have called the police if I tried to bulldoze it.

First I thought you are joking, but according to your style in writing I realized you mean what you write. Oh dear.

The first question ....to buy a house in my country....: it's a ridiculous question because we live in Thailand and you know the saying with the Romans. Here in Thailand it could be an obligation.....unless you are poor, which might be the reason for you to stay in Thailand. (not personal)

The last is more ridiculous even: If you come with a bulldozer you become a criminal if to knock down even HALF of the house. In Thailand we have similar rights as in EU and UK. In case of divorce the house might be sold and the money divided. Same to other assets.

To excuse that you didn't build or bought a house seems to go the direction that you cannot afford (not personal?)

Don't mind.

Enjoy the rest of life in Paradise...

[473geo]

4 hours ago, smotherb said:

Yes, that is exactly what I did.

Before or after he made his choice?

 

[473geo]

6 hours ago, atyclb said:

 

rural lower socioeconomic families not attached to the sex trade and rural lower socioeconomic families that are attached to the sex trade would share more in common than not.

It is actually more ingrained in the hiso families to be sure the chosen partner can keep up the lifestyle to which they are accustomed, love, devotion, just a sideshow, it would be rather naive to think otherwise.

Add that to the expectation regarding the wedding 'show' and where is the difference?

How do you think they attract their partners, baking fairy cakes!!

 

 

 

[473geo]

2 hours ago, welovethailand said:

Jip99, no I am not a TROLL, maybe you are. I was 40 when 1st married to a Thai..paid nothing. Lasted 7 years. Then remarried at 50, again, no money. And good shape, and handsome. Now 58 and still married. 

Like I said "Just my opinion". 

Well don't be shy, what lessons did you learn from the first failure? obviously not paying sinsot was unchanged.

[smotherb]

2 hours ago, 473geo said:

Before or after he made his choice?

 

What is your point? Of course we talked, together as a family; including his fiance and her parents.

[smotherb]

2 hours ago, 473geo said:

Well don't be shy, what lessons did you learn from the first failure? obviously not paying sinsot was unchanged.

What is your problem? You keep asking questions of those who do not pay sin sod; are you trying to find out how to get away without paying for a woman?

[smotherb]

4 hours ago, sawadee1947 said:

First I thought you are joking, but according to your style in writing I realized you mean what you write. Oh dear.

The first question ....to buy a house in my country....: it's a ridiculous question because we live in Thailand and you know the saying with the Romans. Here in Thailand it could be an obligation.....unless you are poor, which might be the reason for you to stay in Thailand. (not personal)

The last is more ridiculous even: If you come with a bulldozer you become a criminal if to knock down even HALF of the house. In Thailand we have similar rights as in EU and UK. In case of divorce the house might be sold and the money divided. Same to other assets.

To excuse that you didn't build or bought a house seems to go the direction that you cannot afford (not personal?)

Don't mind.

Enjoy the rest of life in Paradise...

This is not Rome and many farangs do not acculturate or even care to. Not buying a house in Thailand may have less to do with not having the money than it does with having some sense. Buying a house anywhere you cannot own it is poor business.

[473geo]

20 minutes ago, smotherb said:

What is your problem? You keep asking questions of those who do not pay sin sod; are you trying to find out how to get away without paying for a woman?

Just interested if the refusal to pay sinsot is directly linked to successful marriage or may actually be the first step on a downward spiral

[473geo]

4 minutes ago, smotherb said:

This is not Rome and many farangs do not acculturate or even care to. Not buying a house in Thailand may have less to do with not having the money than it does with having some sense. Buying a house anywhere you cannot own it is poor business.

Then it would depend on how you view marriage, business or pleasure

[AYJAYDEE]

7 hours ago, brling said:

Pathetic excuse to be a lazy prostitute. There is work available in hotels, cafes, offices, where they can meet farangs.

lol! you figure going out with fat drunk old farang is easy work?? lol

[smotherb]

1 hour ago, 473geo said:

Just interested if the refusal to pay sinsot is directly linked to successful marriage or may actually be the first step on a downward spiral

I think paying sin sod may be the first step on a downward cycle. I certainly have seen marriages between farang and Thai that have had sin sod and divorce.

[AYJAYDEE]

2 minutes ago, smotherb said:

I think paying sin sod may be the first step on a downward cycle. I certainly have seen marriages between farang and Thai that have had sin sod and divorce.

I've seen marriages between farang and thai end in divorce  in which both partners have 2 arms and 2 legs as well. But that doesnt mean the fact they had them was the cause of their divorce. your logic is faulty

[smotherb]

1 hour ago, 473geo said:

Then it would depend on how you view marriage, business or pleasure

Certainly, my opinion is the only one I can have. However, I must wonder how shallow a marriage must be when it depends upon paying sin sod for the bride or buying her a house.