Dowry?

[AYJAYDEE]

10 minutes ago, torrzent said:

e) none of the above

so you dont know. 

 

[atyclb]

1 hour ago, AYJAYDEE said:

did she turn you down yet again!!!!??? keep tryin buddy

 

 

imo much better to be not married than married facilitated by a cash payment

[atyclb]

33 minutes ago, torrzent said:

14 hours ago, ubonr1971 said:

current rates:

- bar girl / farmer: 50k to 100k

- university graduate from region: 150k

- high class university/ general bachelor degree education maybe 200k

- medical professional / dentist: 500k upwards

this is total nonsense.  Where did you get those rates, from cnbc.com?

 

though the actual prices may not be perfectly accurate the "proportional to education-achievement-status" aspect is

[phetpeter]

If you spend most of the waking hours  'necking' a bottle and flashing your cash to remove knickers, and then decide that the gal who makes sure a fresh bottle is ready, then you have to pay sin sot, So! she can tell the other in the village that her darlin is so generous. Then it going to go wrong very quickly! But if you restrict the drinking to inside alone! And use your cash to just enough to satisfy her needs, and she stays around, without making demands then you gotta a few years. But if she asks for nothing, is happy in your company and is happy with sharing, doesn't need a new handbag every week, Is happy the 1000 baht you gave to spend on anything of her choice, and wants to give you back the change, In fact if when shopping she keeps telling you no don't buy that! then perhaps you have a keeper!

[torrzent]

50 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

so you dont know. 

 

 

There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know.

[torrzent]

57 minutes ago, atyclb said:

 

the take home lesson is dont expect a successful marriage unless you paid sinsaud

 

but what about marriage that dont last in which sisaud was paid???

 

 

astounding extrapolation and logic from tv experts alike

LOL...pay for success....loving it!

[AYJAYDEE]

3 minutes ago, torrzent said:

 

There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know.

but I know

[AYJAYDEE]

50 minutes ago, atyclb said:

 

 

imo much better to be not married than married facilitated by a cash payment

lol! ya , go with that! lol

 

[torrzent]

11 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

but I know

yes that would be a known unknown

[AYJAYDEE]

1 minute ago, torrzent said:

yes that would be a known unknown

known period. except in your case where its unknown period

 

[torrzent]

1 minute ago, AYJAYDEE said:

known period. except in your case where its unknown period

 

so for you then it is clear you are in a state of unknown known unknowns...it will be hard for you to get out of that!

[AYJAYDEE]

41 minutes ago, torrzent said:

so for you then it is clear you are in a state of unknown known unknowns...it will be hard for you to get out of that!

not true

[torrzent]

4 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

not true

 

[AYJAYDEE]

7 minutes ago, torrzent said:

 

hurry back

[thaibeachlovers]

3 hours ago, AYJAYDEE said:

so what do you think it  is??

 

It's whatever the prospective husband agrees to pay. Just because one girl got 50,000 doesn't mean another is going to get the same. In my case it was zero, as I got the "show" money back.

[Paul Catton]

No Dowry payment here.

Opal is her own person and might well have found it to be offensive to be traded like horse flesh.

Another factor was we met in NZ and married here too.

Her dad gifted us a nice sum of money as we were close but treading water for a house deposit here.

Maybe I got the dowry in reverse ?

[catman20]

9 hours ago, AYJAYDEE said:

did she turn you down yet again!!!!??? keep tryin buddy

No never been turned down in my life buddy, cos i got more brains than to ask stupids questions, i all ready know the answer to. its not a complement for a Thai bird to yes to marriage, these people will marry any old fool look around your town.   i assume you married one 

[Paul Catton]

43 minutes ago, catman20 said:

No never been turned down in my life buddy, cos i got more brains than to ask stupids questions, i all ready know the answer to. its not a complement for a Thai bird to yes to marriage, these people will marry any old fool look around your town.   i assume you married one 

Enough already, any perceived mould does not fit your fitting  criteria surmised for all. Same goes for AYJADEE.

 

[totally thaied up]

Lol.... I have seen bar girls turn down customers...

 

Now that has to really grind a man down to size if you cannot score at that level

[Jip99]

7 minutes ago, totally thaied up said:

Lol.... I have seen bar girls turn down customers...

 

Now that has to really grind a man down to size if you cannot score at that level

 

 

Buying and selling is a two-way transaction.

[KhaoYai]

The only thing the OP will have learned from this thread is just how little us foreigners either know or appreciate about other cultures.

 

Like it or not, Sin Sot is part of Thai, if not most Asian cultures.  That some families don't ask for Sin Sot or that some only use it for show is irrelevant, it is in general, a part of Thai culture - I say that with one caveat, it seems to be slowly fading away now as it did in Western cultures a long time ago.

 

I have no doubt that some of the 'distaste' for Sin Sot comes about as a result of people marrying an ex bar girl, the marriage didn't work so they feel robbed.  Others will disagree with Sin Sot because they were unfortunate enough to have been taken in by a gold digger (and possibly her family) who were simply ripping him off.  Yes, I agree that even though its part of Thai culture, there are countless examples out there of marriages purely designed to extract as much money from the 'rich farang' as possible.

 

What I find interesting from this discussion and a lot of others on this forum is that it illustrates a flaw in our own culture - that of always thinking our way is right and to that end, the context widens dramatically.  All foreigners seem to do (and I was as bad once) is whinge and moan about the way things are in Thailand to the extent where an outsider looking in would surely comment "what the hell are you doing living there then?"

 

Yes, there are some crazy things in Thailand - but some of them are not so crazy, they are just different. Why is it that we think that only our way is right?  Its hardly surprising that we are resented by some Thai's - although you may be surprised just how many welcome you if you only bothered to try and look at things differently.

 

Back to the subject of marriage (and I'm not talking here about bar girls, gold diggers or gold digging families) in the west, I think its fair to say that we marry for love and with the exception of class segregation, money rarely comes in to it.  That said, I doubt many girls want to marry an unemployed loser. In Asia things are, or were, different.  The ability of a man to provide a fianacially stable future for his wife has long been placed high on the list of requirements a girl should consider when choosing a husband.  That is one, if not the only reason that it was very common for a husband to be considerably older than his wife in many Asian cultures - usually an older man has accumulated more wealth.  I say 'was' because it appears to be becoming less common these days.  I have two Thai female friends who live in Bangkok and are in their thirties.  They are both getting close to marrying their current boyfriends (both farangs co-incidentally) and the partners in both couples are all of similar ages.  Are they marrying for money?  Certainly not - when we go out to eat as a group it is often the case that each one of us, including the girls, will share the bill at the end of the night.

 

When I read this forum, more often than not I see a hell of a lot of negativity towards Thai's and Thai ways.  It took me a few years but I have found that there is a much different side to Thai life and Thai people than that learned inside the bars of Pattaya and Bangkok. If you swim in dirty water, how can you expect to stay clean?

 

I've been in situations where a Thai relative has refused to let me pay and on one occasion apologised to me when they learned that a particular public attraction was charging me more for entry than my Thai family. My views have been sought when making major family decisions such as buying or selling land. I have very much been made to feel a part of the family. Conversely, I have also seen the other side of the coin where it soon became clear that I was simply a cash cow  - I got out of that relationship fairly quickly.

 

The fact is that Thai culture is very different to western culture and Sin Sot is a part of Thai culture (dwindling though) whether we like it or not.  If you don't like the idea of Sin Sot, feel you are buying your wife or simply don't want to pay it - then don't, I wish you luck. Contrary to what others have said, I think that if a girl then refuses to marry you it is probably because you have found a 'good girl' rather than a gold digger.  A typical Thai gold digger would probably stay with you thinking that she'll get money out of you in a different way - and she's probably right.

 

Don't let your experiences of the 'dark side' prevent you from learning a different side to Thai people, life and living.

 

 

[AYJAYDEE]

44 minutes ago, KhaoYai said:

The only thing the OP will have learned from this thread is just how little us foreigners either know or appreciate about other cultures.

 

Like it or not, Sin Sot is part of Thai, if not most Asian cultures.  That some families don't ask for Sin Sot or that some only use it for show is irrelevant, it is in general, a part of Thai culture - I say that with one caveat, it seems to be slowly fading away now as it did in Western cultures a long time ago.

 

I have no doubt that some of the 'distaste' for Sin Sot comes about as a result of people marrying an ex bar girl, the marriage didn't work so they feel robbed.  Others will disagree with Sin Sot because they were unfortunate enough to have been taken in by a gold digger (and possibly her family) who were simply ripping him off.  Yes, I agree that even though its part of Thai culture, there are countless examples out there of marriages purely designed to extract as much money from the 'rich farang' as possible.

 

What I find interesting from this discussion and a lot of others on this forum is that it illustrates a flaw in our own culture - that of always thinking our way is right and to that end, the context widens dramatically.  All foreigners seem to do (and I was as bad once) is whinge and moan about the way things are in Thailand to the extent where an outsider looking in would surely comment "what the hell are you doing living there then?"

 

Yes, there are some crazy things in Thailand - but some of them are not so crazy, they are just different. Why is it that we think that only our way is right?  Its hardly surprising that we are resented by some Thai's - although you may be surprised just how many welcome you if you only bothered to try and look at things differently.

 

Back to the subject of marriage (and I'm not talking here about bar girls, gold diggers or gold digging families) in the west, I think its fair to say that we marry for love and with the exception of class segregation, money rarely comes in to it.  That said, I doubt many girls want to marry an unemployed loser. In Asia things are, or were, different.  The ability of a man to provide a fianacially stable future for his wife has long been placed high on the list of requirements a girl should consider when choosing a husband.  That is one, if not the only reason that it was very common for a husband to be considerably older than his wife in many Asian cultures - usually an older man has accumulated more wealth.  I say 'was' because it appears to be becoming less common these days.  I have two Thai female friends who live in Bangkok and are in their thirties.  They are both getting close to marrying their current boyfriends (both farangs co-incidentally) and the partners in both couples are all of similar ages.  Are they marrying for money?  Certainly not - when we go out to eat as a group it is often the case that each one of us, including the girls, will share the bill at the end of the night.

 

When I read this forum, more often than not I see a hell of a lot of negativity towards Thai's and Thai ways.  It took me a few years but I have found that there is a much different side to Thai life and Thai people than that learned inside the bars of Pattaya and Bangkok. If you swim in dirty water, how can you expect to stay clean?

 

I've been in situations where a Thai relative has refused to let me pay and on one occasion apologised to me when they learned that a particular public attraction was charging me more for entry than my Thai family. My views have been sought when making major family decisions such as buying or selling land. I have very much been made to feel a part of the family. Conversely, I have also seen the other side of the coin where it soon became clear that I was simply a cash cow  - I got out of that relationship fairly quickly.

 

The fact is that Thai culture is very different to western culture and Sin Sot is a part of Thai culture (dwindling though) whether we like it or not.  If you don't like the idea of Sin Sot, feel you are buying your wife or simply don't want to pay it - then don't, I wish you luck. Contrary to what others have said, I think that if a girl then refuses to marry you it is probably because you have found a 'good girl' rather than a gold digger.  A typical Thai gold digger would probably stay with you thinking that she'll get money out of you in a different way - and she's probably right.

 

Don't let your experiences of the 'dark side' prevent you from learning a different side to Thai people, life and living.

 

 

Excellent post. It's unusual for the folks that "get it" to post here. ice change. thank-you

[falang1969]

I asked my wife how much for dowry before we got married. I was 47 she was 27, an only child, factory job, never married or kids, never mixed with falang/bars, poor but young'ish farmer parents. Answer from them was zero Nothing expected apart from me looking after their daughter (and now their grand daughter, our daughter). Due to their initial attitude, they now see (5 years later) some benefits of having a falang son-in-law. Dowry IMO a load of tosh!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G890A using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[catman20]

13 hours ago, Paul Catton said:

Enough already, any perceived mould does not fit your fitting  criteria surmised for all. Same goes for AYJADEE.

 

thank you and agree with you. some key board worriers just love to keep pocking the tiger. if you poke a tiger expect to be eaten alive. 

[catman20]

9 hours ago, KhaoYai said:

The only thing the OP will have learned from this thread is just how little us foreigners either know or appreciate about other cultures.

 

Like it or not, Sin Sot is part of Thai, if not most Asian cultures.  That some families don't ask for Sin Sot or that some only use it for show is irrelevant, it is in general, a part of Thai culture - I say that with one caveat, it seems to be slowly fading away now as it did in Western cultures a long time ago.

 

I have no doubt that some of the 'distaste' for Sin Sot comes about as a result of people marrying an ex bar girl, the marriage didn't work so they feel robbed.  Others will disagree with Sin Sot because they were unfortunate enough to have been taken in by a gold digger (and possibly her family) who were simply ripping him off.  Yes, I agree that even though its part of Thai culture, there are countless examples out there of marriages purely designed to extract as much money from the 'rich farang' as possible.

 

What I find interesting from this discussion and a lot of others on this forum is that it illustrates a flaw in our own culture - that of always thinking our way is right and to that end, the context widens dramatically.  All foreigners seem to do (and I was as bad once) is whinge and moan about the way things are in Thailand to the extent where an outsider looking in would surely comment "what the hell are you doing living there then?"

 

Yes, there are some crazy things in Thailand - but some of them are not so crazy, they are just different. Why is it that we think that only our way is right?  Its hardly surprising that we are resented by some Thai's - although you may be surprised just how many welcome you if you only bothered to try and look at things differently.

 

Back to the subject of marriage (and I'm not talking here about bar girls, gold diggers or gold digging families) in the west, I think its fair to say that we marry for love and with the exception of class segregation, money rarely comes in to it.  That said, I doubt many girls want to marry an unemployed loser. In Asia things are, or were, different.  The ability of a man to provide a fianacially stable future for his wife has long been placed high on the list of requirements a girl should consider when choosing a husband.  That is one, if not the only reason that it was very common for a husband to be considerably older than his wife in many Asian cultures - usually an older man has accumulated more wealth.  I say 'was' because it appears to be becoming less common these days.  I have two Thai female friends who live in Bangkok and are in their thirties.  They are both getting close to marrying their current boyfriends (both farangs co-incidentally) and the partners in both couples are all of similar ages.  Are they marrying for money?  Certainly not - when we go out to eat as a group it is often the case that each one of us, including the girls, will share the bill at the end of the night.

 

When I read this forum, more often than not I see a hell of a lot of negativity towards Thai's and Thai ways.  It took me a few years but I have found that there is a much different side to Thai life and Thai people than that learned inside the bars of Pattaya and Bangkok. If you swim in dirty water, how can you expect to stay clean?

 

I've been in situations where a Thai relative has refused to let me pay and on one occasion apologised to me when they learned that a particular public attraction was charging me more for entry than my Thai family. My views have been sought when making major family decisions such as buying or selling land. I have very much been made to feel a part of the family. Conversely, I have also seen the other side of the coin where it soon became clear that I was simply a cash cow  - I got out of that relationship fairly quickly.

 

The fact is that Thai culture is very different to western culture and Sin Sot is a part of Thai culture (dwindling though) whether we like it or not.  If you don't like the idea of Sin Sot, feel you are buying your wife or simply don't want to pay it - then don't, I wish you luck. Contrary to what others have said, I think that if a girl then refuses to marry you it is probably because you have found a 'good girl' rather than a gold digger.  A typical Thai gold digger would probably stay with you thinking that she'll get money out of you in a different way - and she's probably right.

 

Don't let your experiences of the 'dark side' prevent you from learning a different side to Thai people, life and living.

 

 

in a ideal world. some of what you say i agree with and some i dont but hey we are all different just do what floats your boat.

[Kadilo]

7 hours ago, falang1969 said:

I asked my wife how much for dowry before we got married. I was 47 she was 27, an only child, factory job, never married or kids, never mixed with falang/bars, poor but young'ish farmer parents. Answer from them was zero Nothing expected apart from me looking after their daughter (and now their grand daughter, our daughter). Due to their initial attitude, they now see (5 years later) some benefits of having a falang son-in-law. Dowry IMO a load of tosh!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G890A using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

Great example of what any genuinely decent family would say. Fair play to them for not being money grabbers despite them not being loaded. 

[473geo]

7 hours ago, falang1969 said:

I asked my wife how much for dowry before we got married. I was 47 she was 27, an only child, factory job, never married or kids, never mixed with falang/bars, poor but young'ish farmer parents. Answer from them was zero Nothing expected apart from me looking after their daughter (and now their grand daughter, our daughter). Due to their initial attitude, they now see (5 years later) some benefits of having a falang son-in-law. Dowry IMO a load of tosh!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G890A using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

You let the parents pay for the wedding? You didn't have a party?

[AYJAYDEE]

1 hour ago, catman20 said:

thank you and agree with you. some key board worriers just love to keep pocking the tiger. if you poke a tiger expect to be eaten alive. 

dream on

[falang1969]

You let the parents pay for the wedding? You didn't have a party?

What party? What wedding? Down Amphur, a few signatures and two pieces of paper....job done! Mrs didn't want a party, as she knew it would involve a load of freeloaders taking advantage! That's what she wanted, who am I to argue!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G890A using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[thaibeachlovers]

3 hours ago, 473geo said:

You let the parents pay for the wedding? You didn't have a party?

He never brought a party up, so why are you? I never paid for a party, as we didn't have one. IMO have to be a bit daft to pay for a load of people one doesn't know, and will probably never see again, to get pissed.