Marriage counseling for dummies in the Land of Smiles

[Brunolem]

This is a follow up to my previous thread "Is your Thai companion averse to questions?".

Generally speaking, TV Forum is not a place for the faint of heart.

That would explain why, out of 300,000 subscribers to the newsletter, only a handful dare to enter the arena.

Once inside, you are rapidly surrounded by a pack of members-cum-experts in all things Thai, who are going to tell you, in no uncertain terms, what a pathetic loser you are!

 

The object of this new thread is to share what I learned, so that you won't make the same fatal mistakes that, according to the experts, have led my marriage to the gates of hell!

 

Let's start with the ubiquitous "culture" issue.

Thai people have a different culture and you don't understand it!

Yet, this is not such a clearcut proposition, with Thai culture on one side and Western culture on another side.

When it comes to culture, you are entering "walking on eggshells" territory.

I would dare to say that Thai people tend to put forward cultural differences only when it is convenient for them (writing this is gonna bring me a lot of heat).

For example, your wife doesn't like questions because questioning is not part of the Thai culture.

Fine, but if, in order to respect her cultural identity, you buy for her birthday a traditional sarong, instead of a pair of American jeans, you may find yourself in hot water...

 

Then comes the "language" issue.

Being a dummy, you neither speak nor understand the Thai language.

Meanwhile, your wife is not comfortable with your language, because sucking at English is part of the Thai culture (more heat coming at me).

So, like it or not, you'd better buy "Thai language for dummies" right away and study it!

 

Having said all that, how do you ask your wife a question AND get an answer?

 

Well, before opening your mouth, you need to put her in the right state of mind.

Think about the bird trying to seduce a female during mating season...there you are...

We could call that the foreplay: "darling, you are so beautiful, and you are such a good cook, and your mother is such a fine woman...".

Now that you have her full attention, you can drop your question:

"Darling, any idea where is my wallet?"

 

Edited June 5, 2018 by Brunolem

[colinneil]

Whatever your drinking change it, it is affecting your brain.?

[JLCrab]

My favorite ever post on ThaiVisa with apologies because I do not remember who posted it:

 

Farang Male: You look lovely tonight, dear.

Thai Female: Oh yeah ? Well what about LAST Night?

[worgeordie]

I think you know yourself ,it's all over,get a divorce

and  the next one take on approval,live with them

for at least 12 months,to see if you are BOTH compatible,

then if you must ,get married,but only if your visa does 

depends on it.good luck.

regards Wrgeordie

[lioness]

Well, the poster is right onto it, whatever he's drinking, I have been in the same boat quite a few times over the last 20 years, the last question I asked was after I went to the fridge and found my bottle of baileys with less than a teaspoon in the bottom, it just came out automatically, without me thinking "who's drank my Baileys? ( thinking it might have been my son who likes the stuff as much as me ). Mistake, my partner immediately turned that around to mean I was accusing him of stealing it.

 

The great outcome from this is that he hasn't spoken to me since, just over 3 months now, and it's absolute bliss.

[Kwasaki]

OP you've messed up the yin and yang. ?

[Lacessit]

This is soooo easy. Don't get married. Stick with a GF.

[Lacessit]

48 minutes ago, lioness said:

Well, the poster is right onto it, whatever he's drinking, I have been in the same boat quite a few times over the last 20 years, the last question I asked was after I went to the fridge and found my bottle of baileys with less than a teaspoon in the bottom, it just came out automatically, without me thinking "who's drank my Baileys? ( thinking it might have been my son who likes the stuff as much as me ). Mistake, my partner immediately turned that around to mean I was accusing him of stealing it.

 

The great outcome from this is that he hasn't spoken to me since, just over 3 months now, and it's absolute bliss.

The sex life in your household must be a blinder.

[Dmaxdan]

1 hour ago, Brunolem said:

Once inside, you are rapidly surrounded by a pack of members-cum-experts in all things Thai, who are going to tell you, in no uncertain terms, what a pathetic loser you are!

As I'm sure you know, there are no Farang experts on all things Thai on this or any other online forum. Because many cultural things can vary from village to village, let alone province to province so it is highly unlikely there are any Thai people who would honestly consider themselves experts on all things Thai. Sure, there Farangs who very knowledgeable about what they have personally experienced here, but even if you've lived here for many years, then that potentially is still only going to be the tip of the iceberg with regards to all things Thai.

 

This is completely the wrong place for any kind of marriage counseling. For some reason, certain members seem to get a kick out of other peoples marital hardships, presumably because the are 100 percent sure it won't ever happen to them. If only life was that simple...….

[Brunolem]

1 hour ago, Dmaxdan said:

As I'm sure you know, there are no Farang experts on all things Thai on this or any other online forum. Because many cultural things can vary from village to village, let alone province to province so it is highly unlikely there are any Thai people who would honestly consider themselves experts on all things Thai. Sure, there Farangs who very knowledgeable about what they have personally experienced here, but even if you've lived here for many years, then that potentially is still only going to be the tip of the iceberg with regards to all things Thai.

 

This is completely the wrong place for any kind of marriage counseling. For some reason, certain members seem to get a kick out of other peoples marital hardships, presumably because the are 100 percent sure it won't ever happen to them. If only life was that simple...….

Of course there are no such experts even though there are people who pretend to be...

My opening post is not meant to be taken literally...it's more of a second degree thing...

[lanng khao]

OP you've messed up the yin and yang. [emoji16]

Is that his wife's sisters?

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