Sharing expenses - am I being taken advantage of?

[lormakmak]

I used to pay for everything... wife paid very little even though she was full time employed and doing okay for herself.

 

End of the day I wasn't sending any money to the outlaws directly but when you look it was indirectly... I never got any more appreciation or thanks for paying but got compared to her workmates and their husbands who pooled their monies/joint accounts etc and shared the decision quite rightly as it was 50/50... basically she wanted in on that so I suggested to her we do the following...

 

joint account both monies paid into it (of course I reduced my salary income)

once we've paid the mortgage, bills which I outlined to her then we can live off the balance....

she crunched the numbers for about 2 mins and was horrified that she'd be worse off... the joint account idea was forgotten/never mentioned again...

 

We are now divorced and living happily ever after ?

[theguyfromanotherforum]

22 minutes ago, CLW said:

Where the problem?
Probably he lives with his wife in her or the family's house that exists already.
 

 

Exactly. The house existed before this Farang mug showed up.

 

What's the biggie? She comes to Canada, she can live in my place.

 

I wonder if Smutcake's  gf/wife feels any shame extracting money from him every month for her, family, buffalo and Thai brothers.

 

Just askin' like

[dotpoom]

4 hours ago, jackdd said:

In Thai society it's expected that the man pays

Not from my observations....the amount of times I have seen young ladies foot the bill for young men when eating out or whatever, by far outweighs the other way round.

   To the OP....some things in life we just have to sort out for ourselves....of course we could ask the Ma Ma.

[cyberfarang]

Sounds like the OP enjoys his GF being with him at his convenience, as long as it suits him, but doesn`t want to have any commitments in the relationship.

 

Typical Farang attitudes in Thailand, I pay for all or most of her monthly keep and therefore she should be satisfied with that. These guys consider this more as a contract than a relationship, like a long term rent a wife.

 

If the OP prefers to do his own thing, then he would be better off going it alone, he`ll be happier that way.

 

 

[CLW]

Sounds like the OP enjoys his GF being with him at his convenience, as long as it suits him, but doesn`t want to have any commitments in the relationship.
 
Typical Farang attitudes in Thailand, I pay for all or most of her monthly keep and therefore she should be satisfied with that. These guys consider this more as a contract than a relationship, like a long term rent a wife.
 
If the OP prefers to do his own thing, then he would be better off going it alone, he`ll be happier that way.
 
 

Given that the OP's gf earns triple the Thai average salary I think your post missed the point.
There are millions of other that lead a passable life therefore actually she could contribute something to this relationship.
No matter how much the man earns.

[Tongjaw]

The OP obviously didn’t mind paying in the beginning to get his gf’s attention and affection. Now after the reality has set in he feels he’s being used. Sounds like that the initial physical attraction he felt for her is dwindling. He should have made the financial arrangement clear from day one instead of leading the girl along by trying to act like the big spender. 

Split up and do the girl a favour. 

[55Jay]

OP didn't have a single comment about any feelings for her.   In other words, she's his live-in pump and dump who he played house with too long.  And now he's all confused and wants to talk about his Fee-wings.   Oh dear, the Great White Hunter realizes he's been the prey all along!  LMAO!  

 

Don't lose your nerve now, Big Money Playa of Thailand!  These 35k/month chicks fall off the factory assembly line 10 a minute.  When you get back from your hols, put a Purple Persuader on the hook and catch another one.  Pump until she starts getting "ideas" and thinks you should remember her first name, then dump before she gets inside your head and bruises that delicate ego. ?

Edited June 27, 2018 by 55Jay

[Tongjaw]

2 minutes ago, 55Jay said:

OP didn't have a single comment about any feelings for her.   In other words, she's his live-in pump and dump who he played house too long.  And now he's all confused and wants to talk about his Fee-wings.   Oh dear, the Great White Hunter suddenly feels like the prey all the sudden!  LMAO!  

 

Don't lose your nerve now, Big Money Playa of Thailand!  These 35k/month street food chicks fall off the factory assembly line 10 a minute.  When you get back from your hols, put a Purple Persuader on the hook and catch another one.  Pump until she starts getting "ideas" and thinks you should remember her first name, then dump before she gets inside your pea brain and bruises that delicate ego. ?

 Excellent, almost spilled my coffee laughing ? ?  

[RT555]

Make a budget letting both of you know you are putting some away for long term investment/retirement etc... And cut your spending by 30% into savings. That's it. 

 

[Wake Up]

I didn’t know there was one way only to have a relationship like some declare.  Do what you think is right and you know what that is.  It will probably be different for you than it is for me or others.  Personally I would be ok with your financial relationship but if you are not and cannot work it out with your GF then both of you need different partners. Good luck. 

[BritManToo]

8 hours ago, Longbow212 said:

Then recently I planned a yearly trip back home for 2 weeks to visit family alone as she doesn’t have vacation days remaining, shes kicked up a fuss about me leaving her alone for 2 weeks and talking about quitting her job and asking me to pay for her to come along on the trip.

Every relationship I ever had with a woman was like this.

They pretend to be 'equals' but really want you to pay for everything (and spend money they earn entirely on themselves).

Sometimes they start out contributing, but usually they find an excuse to stop, babies, work problems, etc.

If you want 50/50 on your household expenses it's usually easier and cheaper to share a house with another man.

[thaibeachlovers]

My wife earned 9,000 a month, so I provided the bulk of money for living expenses, trips etc.

Your GF earns 35,000 a month. She should at least be paying her own food bills and half of any trips. You'd have to pay rent, bills if alone so I'd pass on asking her to pay half. I assume she earning her place in your life in the usual manner.

If she's not contributing she's, IMO taking advantage. 

 

9 hours ago, Longbow212 said:

she doesn’t have vacation days remaining, shes kicked up a fuss about me leaving her alone for 2 weeks and talking about quitting her job and asking me to pay for her to come along on the trip.

Many Thai GFs and wives are separated for months or longer at a time and don't spit the dummy.

Run, run, RUN. Get out while you can, and wear a condom in the meantime so she can't make a baby to trap you for ever.

[55Jay]

8 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

and wear a condom in the meantime so she can't make a baby to trap you for ever

?

[smotherb]

8 hours ago, baansgr said:

Thai women love to spoil and take care of their man. With her salary she should be spending quite a bit more on you. 

A few years back before being married, girls would pay for most things.  Trips to the islands, hell,  I even had them leaving designer underpants in my work reception. Where is her money going? 

I expect them to wine and dine me, buy me clothes, and give me gifts; if they want to have sex with me.

[MyFriend You]

8 hours ago, Formaleins said:

It sounded more like she wanted to be with you rather than hounding you for money, maybe I misread it but it seemed kind of sweet that she was willing to leave her job to go with you.

That was not a sweet move, it is a "Thai Threat"  she is jealous that he is even considering going on a trip back home without her, I have never once brought my Lady to the US and she doesn't ask or threaten me either....and is happy when I come home........The Op ladies ploy is typical 'Thai Girl' reaction.  Whats next 'threaten to kill herself' if he goes on vacation without her??  or move out because the relationship is definately one-sided.  One poster asked:  "What does she contribute to the bills, what is she spending her money on???"   good question, been there, done that, got the T-Shirt.

[Sprigger]

Kick her into touch, they’re all the same con merchants. Properly got a Thai geezer on the side. Don’t be a mug all your life, deep down they hate the sight of Falangs.

[Straight8]

From what I've read, I'd say yes, you are being taken advantage of, and deep down I think you know it.

 

You're paying of the rent and all utilities is more than enough. Everything else should be more or less even.

 

Put her in her place, fast if you don't want this to get out of control.

[Damrongsak]

Longbow212:  " She earns around 35k a month, I earn nearly 3 times that... "

 

What percentage does she save or spend on discretionary items per month vs. you?  Is it proportional?  Just one small metric ...

 

 

[Enoon]

13 hours ago, murraynz said:

this is 2018 not  1930...what about equality ??

 

 

I have yet to encounter any "relationship" (among family, relatives, friends or aquaintances, "old" or "new" people) where either party sought "equality".

 

However I have encountered many concessions, truces, cease-fires, armistices and capitulations.

 

 

Edited June 27, 2018 by Enoon

[catman20]

20 hours ago, Vacuum said:

The only reason for this is that she knows/hopes that she would be taken care of. Why work if you don't have to?

spot on

[BritManToo]

14 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Run, run, RUN. Get out while you can, and wear a condom in the meantime so she can't make a baby to trap you for ever.

Her making a baby, only traps her.

No enforceable child maintenance laws for foreigners on holiday in Thailand.

[FritsSikkink]

14 hours ago, Sprigger said:

Kick her into touch, they’re all the same con merchants. Properly got a Thai geezer on the side. Don’t be a mug all your life, deep down they hate the sight of Falangs.

Another barstool "know it all", try to meet some people outside of the hooker situation and you might be surprised.

[thaibeachlovers]

23 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Her making a baby, only traps her.

No enforceable child maintenance laws for foreigners on holiday in Thailand.

I won't write my opinion of people that abandon their children willingly, as it would get me suspended.
If one makes a baby, IMO, one is responsible for that baby. If one doesn't want to do the right thing, get a vasectomy.

[BritManToo]

48 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I won't write my opinion of people that abandon their children willingly, as it would get me suspended.
If one makes a baby, IMO, one is responsible for that baby. If one doesn't want to do the right thing, get a vasectomy.

She has all the choices, and you think a man has some responsibility for her choices?

Without a legal contract (marriage certificate), I say no, her body, her choice.

Unless the government gives ME a choice on HER pregnancy, and child custody, it isn't my responsibility.

End of!

 

I won't write my opinion on men who want to give women a free pussy pass and pay for every foolish choice they make either.

Happy to look after my children and pay for them 100%.

Won't pay anything to a woman to look after my children (unless she works as my nanny).

Edited June 29, 2018 by BritManToo

[thaibeachlovers]

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

She has all the choices, and you think a man has some responsibility for her choices?

Without a legal contract (marriage certificate), I say no, her body, her choice.

Unless the government gives ME a choice on HER pregnancy, it isn't my responsibility.

End of!

 

I won't write my opinion on old men who want to give women a free pussy pass on every foolish choice they make either.

I'm talking about the baby, not the mother. I have no time for people that consider children an expendable nuisance as a result of their desire to have sex.

This is all off topic anyway and will not be continued by me.

[BritManToo]

7 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I'm talking about the baby, not the mother. I have no time for people that consider children an expendable nuisance as a result of their desire to have sex.

This is all off topic anyway and will not be continued by me.

You were the one making it personal!

 

Topic title

"Am I being taken advantage of"

Having a guys baby without his consent then expecting the rest of your life paid by him = yes, IMHO.

Which is the next logical step for the OPs woman to take.

Edited June 29, 2018 by BritManToo

[CanuckThai]

Interesting thread.  Changing the major rules/mindset mid game isn't cool.  

 

Most will set out "the plan" prior to committing to a long term relationship.  Yeah, yeah...things change,  plan B and adjustments take place, and life continues.  But these guys that bought a slave/concubine wife and promised the world (a salary for the wife, parents, bothers/sisters and cousins) and then pull the plug or do a 180, deserve what they get (and wreck it for a lot of people).  If you're dating, or it's a girlfriend...choose your budget, over selling is brutal.

 

I looked for and landed a woman educated, employed and has particular compatible traits/acumen/ethics/goals.  It was no problem communicating and setting out life choices and a budget between us.  We both contribute a matching percentage of our incomes, covering monthly expenses, eg: my 25% is far more baht then her 25%, but it's still 25%.   This keeps the wat donations, relatives sick buffalo's, whatever she chooses...her choice, within a budget.  It maintains "skin in the game" for both of us, if one of us decides to pull the plug, we both incur a loss. 

 

I pay for trips back home, but her buying gifts for my parents/family, or taking them out to lunch/dinners and treating them to her generosity, is nice.  

 

Don't be panty waste like the guy in the videos below...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 29, 2018 by CanuckThai

[KneeDeep]

On 6/27/2018 at 1:52 PM, BritManToo said:

Every relationship I ever had with a woman was like this.

They pretend to be 'equals' but really want you to pay for everything (and spend money they earn entirely on themselves).

Sometimes they start out contributing, but usually they find an excuse to stop, babies, work problems, etc.

If you want 50/50 on your household expenses it's usually easier and cheaper to share a house with another man.

 

I can honestly state that I've not had a relationship like this. But on the other hand, if after a few meetings she hasn't bought the drinks or some such, she's going in the bin anyway.

Start as you mean to go on.

If you are showering with gifts at the beginning, she's going to notice if you don't continue.

It's a bit difficult to change the dynamic if you start off on the wrong foot.

A fair proportion of my girlfriends earned more than I did. I certainly didn't expect them to pay more because they earned more.

Even my one Thai girlfriend, who earned a lot less than quoted here, would buy me gifts and pay for dinners out.

If you feel that she is taking advantage, then she probably is.

You need to feel good within your relationship or get out.

 

 

 

 

[BritManToo]

47 minutes ago, KneeDeep said:

I can honestly state that I've not had a relationship like this.

But none of them stuck around to have children with you.

Almost every woman I met in my life wanted to get married and live with me.

 

Yes, you can get a free one for a few nights.

But one that lives with you wants your money, and lots of it.

 

Edited June 29, 2018 by BritManToo

[KneeDeep]

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

But none of them stuck around to have children with you.

Almost every woman I met in my life wanted to get married and live with me.

 

Yes, you can get a free one for a few nights.

But one that lives with you wants your money, and lots of it.

 

 

Sorry, but this is just rubbish, posted without any knowledge at all.

Almost all stuck around. But in the end, regardless of financial situation, you need to decide if that is the person with whom you want to have children and be tied to for the rest of your life.

I decided no.

Nothing to do with free. You share your resources, as best friends should do.

 

I'm not interested in living off any of my partners.

It's about two people caring about each other, not a girl caring about you because you are her meal ticket and you grabbing her because you are tired of one night stands and she'll do.

 

So my girlfriends don't take advantage, either because they don't get the opportunity or they just aren't that kind of person.

 

So choose wisely.