Sharing expenses - am I being taken advantage of?

[MartinBKK]

We half everything here. I am 39 and GF is 48. We have a joint bank account and every month we both pay in the same amount and all expenses come from this. We both have an ATM card.  GF has a good government job and I do not work and have no income other than from investments. EVERY expense is shared including trips to Europe, AUS etc. Every month we sort out who owes what if there is an expense that has not come out of the joint bank account. If we eat together then we would pay the bill from the joint account but if we were to eat separately then we would pay from our personal accounts. If i buy something for the house like food, bulbs, decorations etc then i would pay with the joint account but if it was something that only i would use like an ipad for example then of course i would pay myself. Fortunately GF never pressures me about money for which i am very grateful. Occasionally she indicates we have spent too much this month and next month we must spend less. I make sure to do this of course. 

 

Two years into our relationship GF wanted to buy a house to which i agreed. Prior to this i rented a house on my own and we lived separately some of the time. We have a mortgage and share payments every month. We have been doing this for ten years already. We are not married although if we were our relationship would not change. I fully understand the house is in GF name and i have no claim on it whatsoever if we were to separate. To me it is just the same as renting but this way is beneficial for her. I have made provisions in my will so that my side of the mortgage would be completely covered.

 

In a previous serious relationship i paid for everything as GF had just graduated university with no money. The relationship was not easy and there was a lot of friction over money (although this wasn't the only issue). Eventually I became unhappy and had to end the relationship although we parted amicably. Personally, i would not go back to this kind of relationship again although i have met many happy couples who have a similar arrangement. 

 

The best advice i can give is to let your GF know exactly what you expect from her and likewise listen carefully to what she expects from you. Communication is really important and could save a lot of unhappiness in the future. If you both strongly disagree on who should pay for what now then it is my experience that these issues will not resolve themselves in the future.

 

[balo]

The first thing you should do when you moved together and into the apartment was to talk about the expenses and agree on how much of her salary should be used to pay for rent  and electric.   If she has a steady income of 35k and you earn 100k , I would just ask her to pay the electricity bill and smaller bills like water etc.  

 

That's what I did , I paid the rent and she paid smaller bills that I knew she could afford.  Maybe she is jealous  because you can afford a flight to Europe and 2 weeks away from her.

If she is highly educated and trust you she should understand this and not worry about you.    

 

 

 

 

 

[roo860]

Thai women love to spoil and take care of their man. With her salary she should be spending quite a bit more on you. 
A few years back before being married, girls would pay for most things.  Trips to the islands, hell,  I even had them leaving designer underpants in my work reception. Where is her money going? 

Where they their underpants?

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[Straight8]

19 hours ago, BritManToo said:

But none of them stuck around to have children with you.

Almost every woman I met in my life wanted to get married and live with me.

 

Yes, you can get a free one for a few nights.

But one that lives with you wants your money, and lots of it.

 

I'd say you're speaking from experience right, as it seems you're the type they see coming from a mile away.

 

From my experience, it doesn't have to be that way. You have choices and the moment you sense she is only there for the money, send her on her way.

 

Simple as that, aint rocket science.

 

If any any man in a relationship with a woman, especially a Thai woman (depending on their status) doesn't poses a pair and doesn't know how to take total control of a relationship from the start is in for some type of emotional and financial grief down the line.

[BritManToo]

3 hours ago, Straight8 said:

You have choices

Not when you're 50+ and you want 25-

[smokie36]

35k a month is not a bad salary and that's the only concerning thing to me.

 

She is willing to just ditch her job tells me she is not happy there.

 

You'd think the OP would have picked up on this already.

 

Really a trip to Europe with her bf to meet the family is going to of course be high on her agenda if you have been together a while.....she wants to know what she's getting herself into!

[heybuz]

"I expect them to wine and dine me, buy me clothes, and give me gifts; if they want to have sex with me."

         I get all that except the last bit,55