Will She Try To Take Our Baby

[jaidee1]

Hi lost in space, what do you mean "lest he get in more trouble", what kind of trouble?

[retiredusn]

If you come back why go to the old hunting grounds????Find a new place far away from where the wife is now and get the divorce as soon as possible.........................Many great places in Thailand to raise a child.....................Good Luck

[jimmym40]

Are you worried more about the welfare of the baby, OR worried about getting the baby to SEE her mother.

No brainer HERE. You're asking for trouble if you come here to thailand and let the mother see the baby. Yes, it's possible everything could go smoothly, but not likely.

You have some great advice from this venue, take it. Get fully custody, get a divorce, and do it all legally. It may cost a bit, but not as much if trouble arises between you and the wife and ransoms (blackmail).

You are a concerned parent, and one of the most important jobs of being a parent is to prepare the child to live in this world. Don't complicate her life now with no doubt "trouble" in the wings.

Good luck, do things the "smart" way.

[zipster31]

I have a 1 and 1/2 year old son with my thai partner here in LOS. We are not married. I pride myself on being utterly faithful and taking good care of my family. My partner has given me much trouble in the past, jealous rages, (one rage required our car going to the body shop after she attacked it) smashing up the house, trying to down bottles of pills - all in front of our son. On one occasion, I made her leave the house until she calmed down, I had no choice but to protect my son from her. She went to the police saying she would get her police friends to get her son. So I locked the gate, had my two dobermans closeby, an axe to hand and barricaded the doors. The police came, and got no further than the gate. I told them they would have to shoot my two dogs and me to get to my son. And take some casualties themselves. They backed off and told my partner to go away. I think i made it clear to them I was protecting my son from her and they understood.

You have to understand that you are the sole protector of your child. He or she cannot protect themselves from any mental or physical abuse. You have to put your child first, before yourself and your partner. No matter what.

My partner is more in control of her feelings now and our life together is much better. I would do the same again if I had to and believe our family is much stronger for it.

[esbobes]

Hi lost in space, what do you mean "lest he get in more trouble", what kind of trouble?

I think you need a nut Doctor for you fast

[crewcut]

Well you have had advice that both encourages you to stay in the UK and some to come and enjoy Thailand with your child. I think you have already made your mind up as the draw of Thailand is too much for you !!!

Me I'd wait a bit in the UK and see if this new found responsability from your child's mother is for real. May be you've told her that you'll be returning to Thailand but have a few concerns, and she has duely put your mind at rest.

Think what you would say to someone in the same situation.

[Sheryl]

If you are listed on the birth certificate as the child's father and the mother agrees I think yioyu can arrange to have legal custody but be sure to get legal advice in doing this! A formal divorce with sole custody for you and visitation rights for the mother is in order, don't skim on the quality of legal help you get or try to do it on your own, essential to be sure the paperwork is all in order.

Also be sure the child has UK citizenship and is on your passport before coming to Thailand, if this is not already the case.

As to whether to risk coming to Thailand, that's really your call as it depends upon how sincere you think your wife is and whether you think she might try to snatch the child. None of us know her, you do. If in any doubt, can you leave the child with someone in the UK and come to Thailand on your own, get the divorce and custody settled and then go back for the child?

I do think that, provided your wife's behavior is not harmful in any way, that it is in the child's interests to have a chance to get to kbnow her mother and see her on a regular basis. Of course, if your wife's behavior becomes dangerous or abusive in any way then protectuing your child takes precedence over that.

[totlanh]

Also be sure the child has UK citizenship and is on your passport before coming to Thailand, if this is not already the case.

Im sure i will be cprrected should i be wrong but i think the child has to get their own passport now.

[nikster]

At least in this case (jaidee 1) has the upper hand at the moment because the child is in his custody in the UK...

Quoted for importance.

You are in an uncertain situation where no-one, not yourself and not us TV posters know what could / could not happen. For the sake of your child you must ensure that whatever you do you keep your strategic advantage. If you place yourself in a situation where she can just run off, where you are in Thailand and have no rights / means to track her - you have no-one but yourself to blame.

Get the mom to the UK to see her daughter. Or meet her in Singapore. Hong Kong. Wherever, but neutral ground. When you go to TH, don't bring the child and don't tell anyone. Once she is old enough so it would make a difference, 3, 4, or 5 years old, a few years have passed and things might be completely different. She doesn't need to "experience Thailand" at 13 months.

Or see mom somewhere else just make sure she has no easy way to just run for the exits with daughter in hand. I think a very real possibility is that either mom or "friends" of hers are going to want to exploit it financially if you lost your daughter.

You are her dad, do what's best for her. You have the upper hand - don't lose it.

[nonthaburial]

In legal jargon, could this case be described as a baby that has been abandoned by it mother ??

[sweeksy]

PARENTS SHOULD READ THIS!

PARENTAL KIDNAPPING IS NOT A CRIME IN THAILAND!!!

GENERAL INFORMATION: Parental Kidnapping is not a crime in Thailand and Thai authorities will not issue a warrant or become involved should one parent take a child without the other parent's authorization. The Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction cannot be invoked if a child is taken from the United States to Thailand, or vice versa, by one parent against the wishes of the other parent or in violation of a U.S. custody order.

http://travel.state.gov/family/abduction/c...ountry_528.html

Does the above still apply?

I see on the Hague Covention website that Thailand are an acceded member for child abduction, but this is not been agreed with eg UK, US, but is for example Spain.

However, is that with regard to a stranger abducting a child rather than a parent? So Thailand would see Parental abduction as not a crime and would not pursue the child if they were to go overseas?

TPE II

Edited November 25, 2007 by sweeksy

[philo]

This thread is both interesting and sad...

I let my daugther (16 mnths) go today - the 27th of June 2008. Why? - I see myself as an unfit father. Even if my wife is a fuuuuking craaaazy stuuuupid woman - I can see that the child and the mother will be better off without me.

Today we had our first physical fight after more than two years of marriage (and I did not hit her - just resteained her). The reason was that the childs mother closed the hotel room's door withouth checking that the child's fingers was not between the frame and the door. Just good luck that nothing was broken. But one week of crying and antibiotics and changing the bandages ... Last time my daughter went to hospital, her mother was boiling water on the top of one of those minifridges. The child got scolded for life (the pigment has changed) from her breast to her feet ...

What am I to do: I am an alcoholic aged 51. Even if my wife is crazy - I will never be able to start a new life as a single drunk father in Europe or here.

I have two documents signed by my wife stating that I will decide the future for my child - but what future would that be?

I have decided to stay jai yen yen, pay some money (but save most of it for when she has become old enough to understand herself and the reasons why I couldn't stay with her mother) and wait and see ...

But I will still not yet join the AA .....

PS I am buying that in the first years love is the most importent thing - and her mother paradoxically gives it. Later on: Up To My Daughter

Edited June 30, 2008 by Boo

[bratpack]

Havent read all the posts because they will,mostly be same same.

What i do know is that fighting and screaming with the baby is no good.i have a frined here in thailand who has a monster of a gf and the kid is a clone now,so be very careful of letting your daughter stay in an unstable enviroment.Kids at that age will be copying the mother and she will think of you as the mother does.

If you have to come back to thailand why tell her where you are.you can meet up but dont tell her where you are staying.

[ILovedogs]

Well, I think the OP might not be reading this anymore, but in case he is, I will add my 2 cents: I think you are crazy to think there is really something GOOD to be gained from the average culture here for a GIRL. Her mother obviously can't add any good to her life. What do you really think is so great here that will add to your baby's life??

If you want to have the great things here that add to YOUR life, then why don't you just go to a different SE Asain country, or to Brasil, or somewhere like that, and yes, you will have a small learning curve, maybe everything not exactly as you are used to, but then NO risk to you daughter getting kidnapped or abused by her mother. Her mother is now a lost cause, and for the person or people who suggested you HELP her mother, that might be reasonable advice, if one farang could change the total culture of Thailand.

AA for a Thai person?? Do Thai people really go there or only farangs? In the land of no personal responsibility or confrontation? What? I can't even get Thai people to admit there is anything wrong with 1) beating women 2) Stealing, at least if it is from non-Thai people or not the person you are talking to at the moment 3) keeping multiple women, wives, whatever you want to call it. 4) Putting some one so drunk they cannot walk..therefore carrying the offending customer to their car, and pushing them to DRIVE home in that condition ...nothing wrong with that either YET there does seem to be something wrong with paying a taxi to drive them home. Cons, bribery, corruption at every level of society, lies all day, for every reason, but mostly to save face, please give me a break, yes, that is something I just could not wait to teach my child this culture!!! Don't ask a question in school because you might lose face, good idea!

I am doing everything I CAN to get the adopted daughter I might have, to get the hel_l out of here. I really didn't have the need to be out of here, UNTIL I GOT A DAUGHTER, and thought about all the issues of her being raised here, and that I especially cannot help her eat shit all day long so that she can learn to be a proper Thai girl. Not even that I don't want to, but that I just don't know how to do it. And since I dont' have connections with 6 generations of important Thai fathers to protect her, I better just get the hel_l out of here, where she can just go be a doctor in a western country or a waitress and be respected, and not get beat up by her husband and cheated on, and not have hookers doing better than her.

Maybe YOUR wife was LUCKY to marry YOU, and YOU are a nice wonderful guy, but how many Thai girls get that chance?? And see how your wife turned out in spite of her luck???????? Not very good apparently. Probably due to all the shit she had to put up with in her life before you. All the bar girl/con artists crazy women, were not born that way, they were conditioned that way, they are reacting to the life they have been dealt, although I still don't appreciate being screwed over by them, as I did not do shitty things to anyone, so am not really prepared to deal with this sort of stuff.

Why would you even want to expose your girl to a culture where shit like this is common?? You must still be wearing the rose colored glasses as people like to say. Take them off please, for her sake, read some dam_n books. This is not "Land of Smiles" this is "Land of Scams" and Land of Smiles is the first scam they pull off on you!! Really, I can see you are still a sweet, nice guy, because you are simply saying things like" I want her to see her mother'. What?!! You really need to go to therapy and read about narcissism, and then re-think this statement. Her mother IS THE LAST PERSON SHE SHOULD SEE. Just being born from someone's body doesn't mean they are good for you.

The thing I would urge you to do the most, that might help you the most, is to seek a good therapist. Not because I think you are a bad person, quite the opposite, I think you are a GOOD PERSON, who is used to being taking advantage of, and cannot cope with the level of corruption in a society such as Thailand. You cannot even begin to believe the shit that goes on here, on a regular day, not a terrible day. YOu cannot begin to believe the amount of people who will side up against you, and for your bitch wife, just because she is Thai and you are not, and they might stand to gain $1.

Yes, $1 is enough, in fact there is no amount that is LOW enough, that some ass won't screw up your whole vacation by giving you the wrong info, by telling you there is no airplane, you need to go by train, or whatever, because they want their $1!!! They don't consider that this cost you $500, for them to earn the dam_n $1.

I mean, there are so many things here, too many I would have to write a book, and why isn't there a book about that by the way??? Oh, those guys are dead I guess. Because every Thai tour book I read only has glowing things to say about the LOS. Please if you really are addicted to the stuff in Thailand, maybe you should leave your girl with someone in a western country who can take care of her, WITHOUT the cultural things you think she deserves to get here

and if you are in ANY DOUBT, please ASK A WOMAN what they might think about it, here or there. A Thai woman will surely only see the financial benefits of being in a Western country as she cannot shake her training, or has never experienced the difference. And Thai people in general only base everything on money anyway, and on lies. That is the other major factor for me, DO YOU WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO LIE TO YOU EVERY DAY?

DO YOU WANT HER TO THINK THAT YOU ARE JUST A WALKING ATM, AND ANY BULLSHIT SHE CAN DO TO GET MONEY AND THINGS OUT OF YOU IS OKAY, UNTIL SHE GETS ANOTHER GUY TO DO THE SAME THING? Because Thai people will teach her this about YOU, as her father, because we are just ATM and not real people to them. Ignore everything we tell them, because farang way is stupid, and Thai way is good, so just get the money from farang and do Thai way, and everything will be A-okay because Thai way is to lie, all the way, and when the house is falling down later, oh, no matter. Somehow, when the farang is angry because he said how to do it, and nobody do it that way, and he pay for do it his way, and they take his money, and put in pocket, but still ignore, then house fall down later, then farang go crazy, well, then farang is asshol_e because he loose control. But Thai people are so nice because they do not loose control, they have all your money in their bank, they NEVER did what you said, they only did stupid bullshit plans that made them able to make 6000% profit on the job, and why are you such a stupid farang, ANGRY because they made 6000% profit and your wife is really their wife, and your kid is really their kid, and your new appliances are really theirs that they already sold to someone else at 500% interest, ....and why does this bother you????? Shit ...you only paid 5,000,0000 for that one bedroom bungalow on Koh Samui anyway ... in the middle of the island, blah, blah, blah. but don't worry, because your daughter can inherit it.

Is this what you want your girl to learn how to do? Really???

[philo]

The post above from ILoveDogs scares the s*** out of me. Whether all he says is true or not - every person their choice - but it mirrors my feelings about this country. All that I loved when I was here the first time has faded and turned into the opposite feeling. But it's their country so I admit it is my fault that I have stayed here too long and gotten too involved...

I am in a desperate situation - if you don't have a child here you can just walk away - but getting a child secures you problems and dilemmas and "devils choice'-situations that you never have imagined.

I don't mind going down the drain myself, but I have now come to a point where I feel sorry for my child and fear for her future. I love her and am grateful to her for coming into my life, but sometimes I think it would have been better if she had chosen a couple of decent and able parents before she entered this life ...

Grown up men crying? Thought it was a joke, but not anymore ...

(PS To forum leader DONNA or any MODERATOR: My post above (Post # 42) makes a rude reference to 'Isaan'. Please replace the word 'Isaan' and the next word by any unoffencive symbol(s). Thanks.)