Has this happened to you?

[Shiver]

I've had this happen in both UK and Thailand.

 

UK (half a life time ago):  She felt sorry for her ex who begged and pleaded with her, and she thought he needed her more than me.  Sounds strange I'm sure, but in her mind she was sacrificing herself any which way up.  I last saw her a dozen or so years ago, she's my age, and she wasn't wearing life well with 3 sprogs and a picket fence.  I looked past her and said to her friend "I'm the one that got away that she keeps talking about".  Her face was a picture, and she asked me if I wanted 3 kids and it was a deal.  Lol, wish I could laugh about it then the way I can now.  Anyhow, the first I knew back  then was that she was uncontactable for several days before she finally took a deep breathe and told me the situation.

 

Fast forward, oh... 12 or 15 years?  By thus time I was living in Thailand, with a a girl for maybe 15 months I was smitten with.  She went "on a training course with AIA" for a week (I don't believe that was true at all looking back, but I was a trusting idiot).  Piecing it together after the event, her family told her to leave me as I had no money, and her mother had found a Singapore guy who "was rich".  She never cared for him so much, he was okay, but it was her duty to get some land, a car and a baby for the family, and she said "if it doesn't work out then, oh well".

 

Minus 1 girl, +1 successful career later, stayed alone for 2.5 years, tried many many different kinds of strange fruit (I call them my Captain Kirk days ?  Met my wife and been monogamous ever since.

 

Yeah it hurts when they do that, proper body blow that feels as breathless and empty-hollow-winded as anyone could imagine.  The hard part is when you don't get closure, so you're not able to answer all those questions and move on, otherwise you'd just heal as nature intends.  Thais I've noticed seem to do it a lot (UK girl took 3 days to fess up), Thai girl allegedly said "I want him to find out by himself" (and to this day has never official told me to foff), which to me means "I don't want to lose face so if I don't see it then it never happened" or some such BS.  She wasn't a bad person, just left a little wanting in character as it turned out.

 

Hope you can get your answers quickly and get back to normal life soon, otherwise it can plague you for years (yes I mean years - there's one other event which showed me that which I haven't documented).  If someone dies you can miss them forever more, but at least you know,  However, if you don't know if they're alive or dead then life get's a bit of 'stiction' and it's hard to make progress.

 

Btw, I've never had a GF in a country where I wasn't living there full time.  Unconscionable,

[Shiver]

On 8/5/2018 at 2:42 AM, Elkski said:

I think I can add some to a few chapters.  I think a modern book with modern tools is needed.  Those older books were written before dating sites matured and the line and FB.   Before these Thai gals networked so much.  I do think the book needs to start 2 months before wheels down. 

Agree.  "Thailand Fever" was the book I had.  It's accurate, but overly polite and patronising.  This was before online media really got going though, and internet cafes were how everyone got internet before they had it on their phones.

 

The thing with the above book is that after maybe 6 weeks, you've learnt everything in it the long way around anyhow.  The tricks that catch you out are the ones that didn't get included in the book.  It's still relevant today even if lacking current communication protocols, just don't get to thinking you can navigate the ship by reading the instruction manual.  There are far more variables, as we've all found.

[DILLIGAD]

I had that book too and lent it out to others, a few times too.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Shiver]

8 minutes ago, DILLIGAD said:

I had that book too and lent it out to others, a few times too.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I had two copies (one here, one brought from UK).  Don't know where they are, but I'm guessing they went wherever lent money and odd socks go.

[BritManToo]

On 8/4/2018 at 2:04 PM, bkk6060 said:

Just the opposite from my experience I find Thai women more affectionate then western women.

Especially, during sexual intimacy.

I agree, even comparing an English woman I loved and married with a Thai lady I rented for the night.

[BritManToo]

On 8/5/2018 at 10:24 PM, whaleboneman said:

If a relationship is only based on sex then yes, I understand why you get bored and move on. If you ever meet a woman and fall in love, you may find it doesn't get boring.

Why would you base a relationship on anything other than sex and reproduction?

Edited August 7, 2018 by BritManToo

[Kadilo]

“ I see already from other friends Facebook postings she’s gaining weight too so her finer looking days are numbered “

 

Let it go, and delete any association with her through her friends. You don’t sound like you are any way over it. 

[TumblinDice]

4 minutes ago, Kadilo said:

“ I see already from other friends Facebook postings she’s gaining weight too so her finer looking days are numbered “

 

Let it go, and delete any association with her through her friends. You don’t sound like you are any way over it. 

You're right,  I'm probably not. It takes a little time.

[Kadilo]

7 minutes ago, TumblinDice said:

You're right,  I'm probably not. It takes a little time.

You’re not helping yourself looking at her contacts and photos on FB. Give yourself a chance. Best of luck. 

[TumblinDice]

10 minutes ago, Kadilo said:

You’re not helping yourself looking at her contacts and photos on FB. Give yourself a chance. Best of luck. 

Thanks bud. I deleted my last post. I don't need to be vindictive towards her. She's got her reasons which I will respect (try to anyways). I'd still drool over her if I could. LOL. 

It just pisses me off that they can treat you like this & get away with it. But I guess it happens from our side too. (But for me, and as hard as the truth could be, I'd have to have a very good reason to suddenly dislike the person & cut them completely off with no explanation).

Another farang bites the dust.

Live & learn & keep moving forward.

[Kadilo]

10 minutes ago, TumblinDice said:

Thanks bud. I deleted my last post. I don't need to be vindictive towards her. She's got her reasons which I will respect (try to anyways). I'd still drool over her if I could. LOL. 

It just pisses me off that they can treat you like this & get away with it. But I guess it happens from our side too. (But for me, and as hard as the truth could be, I'd have to have a very good reason to suddenly dislike the person & cut them completely off with no explanation).

Another farang bites the dust.

Live & learn & keep moving forward.

No worries. I’m not even sure it’s a cultural thing. I had a similar thing happen to me a few years ago in the UK. A 5year relationship ended with me being left in a hospital after an operation and the woman in question never showed to take me home. Work that one outt 555,  answer is you can’t and you will drive yourself potty trying to analyze something that is completely irrational. 

 

Hence my my previous post re FB. The less you see, the quicker you will heal. 

 

5 years on, it was one of the best things that happened to me. Did I really want to end up with someone who could treat another person like that? Do you ?

 

You/we are worth more. 

Edited August 7, 2018 by Kadilo

[bermannor]

10 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Why would you base a relationship on anything other than sex and reproduction?

Only pimps do that!

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Where do you all fine people with excellent command of English language find all these gems of Thai society, while the anti-social guy from Serbia gets a Thai wife with good salary, no kids and her own property.

 

It seems that expensive education in first world countries you grew up in haven't taught you anything.

 

As for closure, I never got it from my first Australian wife. 

 

Get over it.

 

Fail.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

BTW, a lot of posts here blaming Thai culture, blaming her parents, blaming this and that.

 

Have you considered that perhaps you are just a bore? I mean all you really want to do is intellectualise why she dumped you. Trust me, Thai women can find you a total bore just like western women do. But no....Thai visa experts will blame it on money and support on parents. B.s.. you are a bore and creepy too judging by all the stalking you are now doing.

 

Try to post this crap on a Canadian forum and see how far it gets you. 

 

Find a Thai woman that liked boring people like yourself and maybe you have a shot at relationship in Thailand. At least here there are woman looking for a boring, uninteresting Westerners who won't chase other women.

[Hummin]

Have seen it several times, where they cut off all their potential coming husbands, when they meet someone who is willing to be their bf/husband. All connections is then left behind, and they really quit everyone. A good girl do not talk to others. 

 

One of the first girls I meet in Thailand, she told me, you are not married before you are married, and before that, you can date and talk to everyone, because you are not married. Meaning do what you want with everyone you want, and she was engaged, got monthly pay, as weekly, and had some few lovers in her hand. Sweet lovely beautiful girl just waiting for his promisses coming true. Im not sure I would left her alone even after being married to her! She was a hungry one, and she had alot of fun, and she was alot of fun, since she did it for fun, and her fiencee paid for all the fun. Well whats goes around comes around. 

[khundon]

On 8/4/2018 at 1:51 AM, TumblinDice said:

Hey, I realize its all over. I'd just like a explanation from her as to what happened. I'm not crying about it because I knew it was a long shot, just bewildered that she won't say anything & completely cuts communication. And to me it sounds like this "saving face" BS that Thais live by. That, I'm trying to get my head around & asking if there's been others who experienced similar. I've never known western women to cut & run without some kind of verbal last word.

 

BritManToo, your studly ways are commendable. Keep it up! 

 

Why do you feel the need for her to explain why she cut you off? It would seem (to her at least) that there is no future with you and she cut you off to end it, rather than waste time trying to 

placate you. 

Trying to assuage your loss, would be both time wasting and unnecessary to many Thai women, not to mention the loss of Face whilst doing so. 

She seems to have moved on, why don’t you give it a try. 

 

[Berkshire]

On 8/12/2018 at 7:38 PM, khundon said:

Why do you feel the need for her to explain why she cut you off? It would seem (to her at least) that there is no future with you and she cut you off to end it, rather than waste time trying to 

placate you. 

Trying to assuage your loss, would be both time wasting and unnecessary to many Thai women, not to mention the loss of Face whilst doing so. 

She seems to have moved on, why don’t you give it a try. 

 

Have to agree.  Of course we don't know the OP as well as this woman, but it would seem she made the right decision.  If she had tried to explain herself, she would simply be opening herself up to a barrage of questions and attacks.  Why on Earth would she want to deal with that?  It's not like they were married previously or had kids together.  Simply cutting it off is the best approach.  For her certainly.  For him?  Who cares.  

[Jimand70]

Hey bud I have been through this twice now with Thai girls from different backgrounds.

 

The first admittedly was a newbie bar girl (had just started 2 days earlier), she left after meeting me and returned to her home province & I went back to my country. I came to see 3 times over a 4 month period, and proposed marriage which she accepted tearfully. But several times she just ghosted me on FB while I was at home, it was bizzar & would only last a day or two. Then I would get some excuse that it was just her "habit". Anyway we broke up in just 4 days when I came in April to live in Thailand for a couple of months while waiting for a new job in Italy to land. Was all about money lol

 

And again got ghosted, but this time for good. Had hunch about her & proved true when I visited Pattaya on a day trip to the beach & spotted her in the same bar on Soi 6 we first met in, so got my closure haha.

 

As for second one a "good girl" with a normal job, introduced by a Thai friend while I was back in my own country. Spoke for a month online before I came, started dating as soon as I arrived. Got very serious for the last month with her at my place every night & weekends. Then a discussion happened about the potential of me going back to my country for a short time if a couple of contracts im waiting for are delayed. Next day I was ghosted after 3 months of dating with two months here in Thailand. Lol

 

In this case I just think the girl is not intetested in the potential of long distance relationship, which is fine but better to say upfront as I told from our first communications the reality of my time in Thailand and my buisness. 

 

I just think its a combination things.

 

1/A hazzard of todays net driven culture

2/ Avoiding conflict & saving face

3/ I think most SE Asian women in their 20s have an obsession with feeling "taken care of" & if it appears you wont meet that need, they switch off immediately

 

As all the others have said best you can do is accept its done & that no reason will ever be given. But this should be good fuel for yiu to move on, did you really want relationship with a person who can cut you out like that anyway? 

 

 

[WonnabeBiker]

On 8/4/2018 at 7:51 AM, TumblinDice said:

Hey, I realize its all over. I'd just like a explanation from her as to what happened. I'm not crying about it because I knew it was a long shot, just bewildered that she won't say anything & completely cuts communication. And to me it sounds like this "saving face" BS that Thais live by. That, I'm trying to get my head around & asking if there's been others who experienced similar. I've never known western women to cut & run without some kind of verbal last word.

 

BritManToo, your studly ways are commendable. Keep it up! 

 

I'll bite. YES. years later, I was approached again and we met. Soon after, she wanted a loan to buy AIA life insurance for her Dad. Horrified, I tried to nix that.

 

Paid half of what she wanted and got the first of 10 monthly installments. But she is with some boy now - the age difference is 28 years. And she won't even explain her non-payment.

 

Seems all going according to PLAN. The suckering...

 

Move on, man!

[Shiver]

37 minutes ago, WonnabeBiker said:

I'll bite. YES. years later, I was approached again and we met. Soon after, she wanted a loan to buy AIA life insurance for her Dad. Horrified, I tried to nix that.

 

Paid half of what she wanted and got the first of 10 monthly installments. But she is with some boy now - the age difference is 28 years. And she won't even explain her non-payment.

 

Seems all going according to PLAN. The suckering...

 

Move on, man!

My first and only previous GF cut and run, saying to mutual acquaintances "I want him to learn by himself".  In that instance it was family that forced her hand as I found out later.  Didn't work out for her though.  I had no money at the time, and family wanted 'stuff'.  I started to earn good once they were out of my life. Sick and funny at the same time.  Yes it hurt, but glad in hindsight.

At least my current partner is prepared to communicate in some way - I've learned that the best way is to set it up that another Thai (eg. wife of a friend, then interpret back to my own language) seems to be the best way to get to the foundational story,  Not perfect, but tolerable.

[dbrenn]

Should have shagged her while you had the chance.

[NonthaburiBear]

Happen to me too,   i guess everyone here been there done that. We had a fight a week before and my ex accusing me cheating with another Thai women. ..which i dont.she keep asking me again and again, i cant work and i had no contact with her for 2.  2 week later  i try to contact her to make peace, ask her to go to market have breakfas near Sanam Luang. she say she dont want to meet me again, i ask why ? she say she cant tell me whats wrong. So  i say good luck and good bye, remove her phone contact , ID. and then a week later she block me on her social media and Line too. Sad  i know, but  get up , dust yourself off and start again . Most people who dating thai girl probably wont comeback dating his home country or  another western girl. If you want to get another TW GF ,you have to stay longer than before and best to get from your enviroment or like minded person... best to have spare tires so when its hurt, wont hurt so bad. Chok dee

Edited August 22, 2018 by NonthaburiBear

[zzaa09]

On 8/3/2018 at 6:09 PM, dotpoom said:

You think this only happens in Thailand?

  Wherever there are humans... you will get all-sorts of human behaviour.

More so to cast broad generalizations on the whole of the Thai female population and supposed mindset from one experience. 

Rather predictable from those with very little in the way of wide exposure and experience. 

 

If one or two are of this character or of such dispositions - automatically qualifies the whole lot to be of this nature. ?

Of course it does [not]. 

 

Do have to wonder as to the example of one or two instances creating a standard.