Does being an expat keep you younger in spirit and ambition?

By Dan Cheeseman

 

 

I was watching a UK TV show recently that was about changing peoples houses and lifestyles. One guy, who was 42 years old which is my age, said he shocked himself that he was able to change his house design so much “you know, given the stage of life I am at“. It stopped me in my tracks, what does he mean ‘at his stage of life‘?

 

Is life really all mapped out at 42 years old?

 

I then started to think about all my peers back in the UK and even searched a few on Facebook for research purposes. How were they living their lives and was ’42’ deemed an age where your life is now mapped out for good? Sadly, in 95% of cases it looked just so. Everyone content with their lot in life and now seemingly lost of any real ambition. Happy to go to work Monday to Friday, enjoy a beer at the weekend and put the kids through schooling. That kind of thing.

 

I was also back in the UK last year and I stayed with my younger brother at his house in Whitstable. I asked him about his plans for the future. He is 38 years old. He said he had no plans and was happy with his home and job, and would look forward to a couple of holidays each year. Again, I was shocked. There is so much magic and opportunity to experience different things in this world that to stay in a relative bubble like this confuses me. Why not strive to live multiple chapters rather than one fairly predictable one that I see time and time again by my peers back home?

 

Maybe I am wrong, but I could only draw conclusion that being so institutionalized by societies cultural expectations in the UK – or for that matter any other Western worlds – sucks the ambition out of individuals as they get older. They get so burdened with paying off the mortgage, maybe clearing a credit card debt, buying a new car and then putting their children through schooling that they lose sight of the bigger picture available to them.

 

On reflection, I feel relieved I escaped my domestic country now

 

I breathe a big sigh of relief that I escaped this at a relatively early age – 29 years old – as I could have conceded defeat on a really great life and missed out on doing so much.

 

Full story: https://danaboutthailand.com/2018/09/17/does-being-an-expat-keep-you-younger-in-spirit-and-ambition/

 

DAN ABOUT THAILAND

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Yes!......what ambition?

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and die with their song still inside them,”  - Thoreau

Because they are happy. Because they are content.

 

However to paraphrase Thoreau, as Roger Waters did:

 

"Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way"

 

Or certainly used to be.

2 hours ago, rooster59 said:

Does being an expat keep you younger in spirit and ambition?

When 35-40 years younger women call me a 'hunsum man', I have to say yes.

I left the UK for Thailand aged 52, the third time I'd left the UK for extended periods, I'm now back in the UK and have been here for the past two months. Yesterday, my wife and I were sitting in a Costa's watching local life walk by when she asked me, what do you think about the UK now. I replied, I'm glad I left when I did, if I would have stayed I would have become, pointing out the window, one of them, trapped in a dark grey wet country living a safe pampered life and being bored out of my skull! If I had to make the decision over again I would do exactly the same thing, I can't wait to get back to Asia in two weeks, one day and six hours time.

What next, Cheeseman's guide to the Universe

I left my home country at 23, so really don’t have any old friends to compare life with.  Still, I am quite certain my life has been, and still is, much more interesting than if I had remained in place, even at my present age of 64.

Back in the UK, no man I know over 40-years-old is still having regular sex.

If you're married it's usually only a birthday and anniversary event.

I believe that ex-pats are unconventional by Western standards before they come here.  Thailand is a very hierarchical society and not accepting of original thought.  As a reaction to The Enlightenment, it came to be believed among western scholars that a unique characteristic of humankind was progress.  Other animals don’t make any progress.  But to obtain societal and personal progress, the individual has to combat what Burkhardt, the father of art history, claimed are the forces hostile to progress, state and religion.  The progressive feature is culture.  In the USA today we see that conservative forces are attacking progress and human development, the circumstances representing our humanness.  The state desires individuals to become materialist and suppress their personal journey of progress and development for acquisition of things, advertised as representing “success.”  The church wants us to conform due to the expectation of eternal life as the reward for conventional behavior.  Human progress, individually and societally, is being challenged in most western cultures.  The unconventional person coming to Thailand is open to new explanations and thought that is not supported by their own culture.  It is easier to be yourself here, since Thais have no idea how we should think and behave or know what we think and believe.  The conservative elements of Thai society don’t affect us in any meaningful way allowing us to follow our desire for personal progress, if not societal progress.

1 hour ago, wwest5829 said:

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and die with their song still inside them,”  - Thoreau

hopefully most of them will stay away from thailand......(that is the good part to that equation)

41 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Back in the UK, no man I know over 40-years-old is still having regular sex.

If you're married it's usually only a birthday and anniversary event.

having sex with your wife is way over rated  

1 minute ago, rumak said:

having sex with your wife is way over rated  

Probably not good to tell him that you've had sex with his wife!

1 minute ago, simoh1490 said:

Probably not good to tell him that you've had sex with his wife!

we all know BMT is a liberated man.....no more wives for him  

1 hour ago, Vacuum said:

When 35-40 years younger women call me a 'hunsum man', I have to say yes.

or even going out with them---i definitely take far more care of my skin{no wrinkles at 67}, shave carefully etc etc.

havent solved my weight problem-yet..

i think being with them, helps to make me feel younger---that HAS  to be good.

there ARE  advantages also, in being older---i dont have to go to work---can afford whatever i want----ive had plenty of experince with females,so im not easily 'ripped off" etc.

i also think the warmer climate and 'thai relaxed attitude' helps to keep me younger......

1 hour ago, wwest5829 said:

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and die with their song still inside them,”  - Thoreau

I totally concur. Happened to me twice already.

10 minutes ago, murraynz said:

... ive had plenty of experince with females,so im not easily 'ripped off" etc. ...

Citation needed.

Doesn't do much for Rupert Murdoch, and he left Oz decades ago.

Time is relative.  If I was in solitary confinement in a prison or apartment in Florida (same same) time for me would drag on and a day might seem like a week. 

 

However in my little slice of Paradise in Thailand time flies. 

 

It's funny how time slips away.  I've lived a whole new life in the past 20 years.  Where else can I request Hotel California and everybody in the bar knows how to play it? 

 

It took me a long time to get over my first wife - walking from the plane to the taxi stand.  My second lady was harder to forget - taxi stand to Nana plaza parking lot.  My third wife and the real love in my life clung to my memories till I bought my first hundred ping pong balls. 

 

If life is memorable experiences per 24 hour period.  I have lived longer than Methuselah in the past 20 years. 

 

 

 

I did my 27 for my country and was blessed with a great deal of travel and experiences.  My sister on the other hand has never travelled more than 3 hours drive from home.

 

While we have lived different lives there are times that I am jealous.

 

Her life is one of community and family.  While mine was quite different and tumultuous.  Don't knock those at home many are quite happy with what they have.

"Does being an expat keep you younger in spirit and ambition?"

In many cases I would say no, but the ones who drink in moderation, and not every day, probably yes.

But in my situation, I hope to keep and look younger, and live a lifestyle that will keep me in good health for as long as possible.

What ever ambitions can a retiree have? 

 

3 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Back in the UK, no man I know over 40-years-old is still having regular sex.

If you're married it's usually only a birthday and anniversary event.

Waaaal. I was having more sex over forty than before, maybe because at that time I was nearly always in long term relationships, after forty I was playing the field nearly all the time. Being both a professional and semi profession musician would have a lot to do with that.

My relationship with my Thai wife is the longest I have ever had, and that is thirteen years, now you could say my ambition is to be with my wife till death us do part.

2 hours ago, NanLaew said:

I totally concur. Happened to me twice already.

third time will be the charm

25 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

"Does being an expat keep you younger in spirit and ambition?"

depends if you are sitting at the bar at 2pm  .....or not

3 minutes ago, rumak said:

depends if you are sitting at the bar at 2pm  .....or not

Lightweight! Rolled by one of Udon Thani's finest sports bars on Soi Sampan around 9 AM this fine, sunny Sunday morning and it was already chockers. Either it's another, parochial Aussie footie thing on the telly or another wake.

No, next question ?

6 hours ago, rooster59 said:

Is life really all mapped out at 42 years old?

 

I then started to think about all my peers back in the UK and even searched a few on Facebook for research purposes. How were they living their lives and was ’42’ deemed an age where your life is now mapped out for good?

I'm couple of years older than 42 and I have no idea what I want to become when I become adult someday, hopefully not in the near future. 

 

I think expat life makes us mentally younger. When we live in an environment, which is not similar to where we came from, we must and are allowed to learn something new each day.

 

This life long learning process can sometimes be demanding, but it also keeps our minds virile. 

1 minute ago, oilinki said:

I'm couple of years older than 42 and I have no idea what I want to become when I become adult someday, hopefully not in the near future. 

 

I think expat life makes us mentally younger. When we live in an environment, which is not similar to where we came from, we must and are allowed to learn something new each day.

 

This life long learning process can sometimes be demanding, but it also keeps our minds virile. 

And when you live in Thailand  the fact that no one reaches adult maturity, as recognised in the West, then of course it keeps you young. Proof of that is there are so many expats on this very forum who keep spitting their dummies out . What more proof do you need ????

4 minutes ago, Esso49 said:

And when you live in Thailand  the fact that no one reaches adult maturity, as recognised in the West, then of course it keeps you young. Proof of that is there are so many expats on this very forum who keep spitting their dummies out . What more proof do you need ????

It is not a fact that no one reaches adult maturity it is an inaccurate racial/national stereotype. 

Surely, stimulation is what it is all about.  Whether one remains in one's home country or leaves those shores to become an expatriate and retire somewhere else, ongoing stimulation, of whatever kind, is necessary to avoid becoming a cabbage.  So youthfulness, happiness, can be found anywhere, by keeping the brain alive through stimulation.  Mental stimulation is definitely NOT drinking oneself to oblivion in a bar every night, however much fun it may be at the time. For myself, I permanently left home waters when I was 22, and have had an enormous number of adventures and experiences, good and bad, since then.  I have been lucky enough to have led a rich life.  I am now what many would consider to be an "old man", although it certainly doesn't feel that way inside.  Am I sitting around and listening to the grass grow?  Hell no! I am writing a book, stimulating my mind through research and  by story-telling.