Worst Joke Ever 2024

[dcsw53]

[dcsw53]

[ballpoint]

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[ballpoint]

[VBF]

22 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

What a beautiful day for dashing out to Trafalgar Square, chucking a bucket of whitewash over the pigeons and saying,

‘There you are, how do you like it?’

 

PS;  No prizes for guessing this UK TV comedian!
 

How tickled I am ????????????

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Edited August 10, 2023 by ballpoint

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

Guilty on all counts...

 

 

 

 

Edited August 10, 2023 by ballpoint

[ballpoint]

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[scottiejohn]

11 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Why not just tell them to go and get stuffed?

[scottiejohn]

A friend of mine is a veterinarian.

He is also a taxidermist.

He has a sign above the surgery that reads,

“Either way, you get your dog back.”

[scottiejohn]

A taxidermist was traveling for a job in a rural area, and stopped off for a meal at a local bar and grill.

After entering all eyes were on him, and he felt quite uncomfortable so he hurried to the bar to place an order to go, when he turned around he was surrounded with hillbillies glaring.

The leader says "what are you doing here stranger"?

Taxidermist replies nervously, "I'm a Taxidermist I'm here for work"

The glares intensify, " a taxidermist! What the hell is that"?

The taxidermist goes " I stuff and mount animals"

The hillbilly breaks into a wide grin and shouts

 

"it's all cool boys he's one of us"!

[scottiejohn]

Truths About the Military
If you can see the enemy, he can see you.

Never tell a Sergeant you have nothing to do.

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

Any ship can be a minesweeper . . . . once.

Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.

The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.

Whoever said, 'the pen is mightier than the sword', obviously never encountered automatic weapons.

Friendly fire isn't.

Tracers work both ways

[VocalNeal]

47 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

I resemble that remark????

[scottiejohn]

19 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

I resemble that remark????

You must be hanging out in all the wrong places in that case!

[VocalNeal]

^ You don't understand the gravity of the situation????

[scottiejohn]

From the UK daily mail today!  

'Being a gay person, you are more prepared for trolling because you are in the minority. I don't read the comments... my mum does. But Robbie and I are in this together, so we have got each other's backs.'

 

I wonder if he said that tongue in cheek?

 

 

 

EXCLUSIVE: Made In Chelsea to become first UK show in TV history to broadcast three-way kiss between male throuple as Channel 4 hire 'Queer Expert' to oversee storyline | Daily Mail Online

[scottiejohn]

3 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

^ You don't understand the gravity of the situation????

I shall weigh up my response before asking you what was the pull at the time!

I am however concerned that the plastic bag you are using to defy Gravity must make for a very sweaty  and obviously uncomfortable situation!

 

Edited August 10, 2023 by scottiejohn

[VocalNeal]

A gentleman would never tell????

[scottiejohn]

1 minute ago, VocalNeal said:

A gentleman would never tell????

I agree but I was asking you!

????

[VocalNeal]

^ But as a gentleman I am not obliged to answer

[oxo1947]

.

[scottiejohn]

3 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

^ But as a gentleman I am not obliged to answer

A true gentleman would not be displaying his "assets" in public!

 

You should also be aware that we Scots wear a Kilt to cover and hide such inadvertent exposures or large bulges in/or outside the trouser department!

As we Scots like to remind people'

"There is nothing worn under the kilt!  It is all in perfect working order and free to move with the skirl of the pipes and the wind!

[billd766]

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

Lucas. Once known as the prince of darkness among UK car owners.

[Crossy]

[scottiejohn]

15 minutes ago, Crossy said:

Where is tour wife taking you tomorrow, do you know yet?