Worst Joke Ever 2024

[scottiejohn]

An Angel came down from heaven and visited a park.

He saw two statues, one of a naked woman, and one of a naked man.
The statues were separated by a path and faced each other. They were covered in moss and bird droppings and looked like they had been in the same position for hundreds of years. 
The angel took pity on them, he said to himself: why don’t I bring these statues to life, so they can be united.
And so he did.

As soon as the statues came to live, they took each other’s hand and headed for the bushes.
The angel walk around in the park, and when he came back he heard noises coming from the bushes.
He leaned in to hear what was going on.

He heard the woman saying to the man:

 

"why don’t you hold the pigeon down for a while so I can poo on him."
 

[scottiejohn]

There once lived a strong, Native American man who had only one testicle!

Everyone in the village called him "One stone" because of this, but nobody dared to say it to his face because he would kill anyone who directly said it him.

 

Unfortunately, a woman in the village named Bluebird did not know about this. One morning, while she was walking past One Stone, she greeted him by saying

"Hello, One Stone".

He immediately took her into the woods, and made love to her until she died from exhaustion.

 

Another woman by the name of Yellowbird, who also did not know about One Stone's hatred of his nickname, greeted him one morning, saying

"Hi, One Stone!".

Once again, One Stone took her into the woods and made love to her all day and night, but she didn't die.......

 

Because you can't kill two birds with one stone!

[Yellowtail]

9 hours ago, ravip said:

I hated overtime until I got married...

[ravip]

[ravip]

[ravip]

[ravip]

[Yellowtail]

[Yellowtail]

[scottiejohn]

38 minutes ago, Yellowtail said:

I hated overtime until I got married...

Don't worry you will get over it in time!

[roo860]

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean

all go to a bar..

When they get to the front door, they are stopped by the bouncer - "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai"

[roo860]

[isaanistical]

1 hour ago, roo860 said:

I would rather suggest "I belong to Glasgow"

[billd766]

2 hours ago, isaanistical said:

I would rather suggest "I belong to Glasgow"

 

[oxo1947]

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[roo860]

[roo860]

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[ravip]

13 minutes ago, oxo1947 said:

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Precise washing instructions  - no room for error (except,  if unread).

[ravip]

Height of Misunderstanding !
Mr. Kapoor comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news… I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs. Kapoor receives a telephone call from Reliance Energy because the electricity bill has not been paid.

" Am I speaking to Mrs. Kapoor?"

"Yes… speaking"

Reliance guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?"

stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the Reliance guy.

"What are you saying? It's in your files… HOW ???"

" Yes ….. We have a system of finding out who's overdue"

" GOD !!!… This is too much…"

"Madam, I am sorry… I am just following orders… I have to inform that you are overdue.."

"I know that … let me talk to my husband about this tonight. He will speak to your company tomorrow.. "

That night, she tells her husband about the incident, and he, mad as a bull,rushes to Reliance office the next day morning.

"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts..

"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at Reliance, "it's nothing serious.

 

All you have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? And if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off.."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"Well… I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle !!!

[oxo1947]

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[ballpoint]