Popular Post Crossy Posted January 16 Popular Post Share Posted January 16 You really don't need to speak German! 2 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Popular Post ravip Posted January 16 Popular Post Share Posted January 16 *Have Pun today* I've just finished reading a book about the world's greatest basement ... It was a best cellar. It's my first week working at the bicycle factory and they already made me a spokesperson. Horses have lower divorce rates. It's because they are in stable relationships. My laptop caught pneumonia, apparently because I left Windows open. I thought swimming with dolphins was expensive until I went swimming with sharks ... It cost me an arm and a leg. The main function of your little toe is to make sure all the furniture in the house is in the right place. It's pretty obvious that if I run in front of a car I will get tired but if I run behind a car I will get exhausted. My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them you just wait. 90% of bald people still own a comb; they just can't part with it. Every morning I get hit by the same bicycle ... It's a vicious cycle. The word incorrectly is spelled incorrectly in every dictionary. I've been experimenting with breeding racing deer. People have accused me of just trying to make a fast buck. What do you call a row of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare line. When I was a kid, we played spin the bottle with the girls, if they didn't want to kiss you, they would have to give you a dollar. By the time I was 12, I owned my own home. Always trust a nudist ... They have nothing to hide. 2 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Popular Post Yellowtail Posted January 16 Popular Post Share Posted January 16 3 minutes ago, ravip said: You buy we fry? You kill, we grill? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ravip Posted January 16 Popular Post Share Posted January 16 The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship with her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious. The query: Dear Tech Support, "Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems but to no avail. What can I do? Signed: Desperate The response (that came weeks later out of the blue) Dear Desperate, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0. Good Luck Tech Support 1 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post chickenslegs Posted January 16 Popular Post Share Posted January 16 2 1 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Crossy Posted January 16 Popular Post Share Posted January 16 An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy." "Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home." "That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!" Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. "Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" asked the husband. "He said the reflector is broken." replied the Amish lady. "I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" asked the husband. The wife replied, "I'm not sure, Jacob . . . Something about the emergency brake." 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Popular Post ballpoint Posted January 17 Popular Post Share Posted January 17 22 hours ago, Crossy said: You really don't need to speak German! This thread's taken a turn for the wurst. 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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