Popular Post Zyxel Posted May 6 Popular Post Share Posted May 6 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Popular Post roo860 Posted May 6 Popular Post Share Posted May 6 Lion and gorilla:- A lion was drinking at the water hole, when a big horny gorilla saw the lions rusty bullet hole. Quick as a flash the gorilla was humping The lion. After struggling to get free the furious lion chased the gorilla through the jungle. The gorilla was miles ahead when he found a clearing. There was a tourist sitting on a deck chair wearing a pith helmet and reading the paper. The tourist crapped himself and scarpered, the hat and paper were tossed into the air. The gorilla quickly put on the pith helmet sat on the deck chair and was pretending to read the paper. The lion entered the clearing and said “did you just see a gorilla run through here?” The gorilla said “what, the one that shagged the lion down by the watering hole?” The lion said “Aww it’s not in the papers already is it?” 😁😁 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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ballpoint Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 My neighbour knocked on my door, “I just made synonym buns!” … “Ooooh, just like grammar use to make?” said I. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted May 6 Popular Post Share Posted May 6 Robert de Niro is set to star in a movie about Harold Shipman. "The Old Dear Hunter". 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted May 6 Popular Post Share Posted May 6 I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!' 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Korat Kiwi Posted May 6 Popular Post Share Posted May 6 A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-mart. The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife. ‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,’ he replies. ‘Put them back, we can’t afford them,’ demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the husband. ‘It’s my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we’re making love,’ replies the wife. Her husband retorts: ‘So does 24 cans of beer… at half the price.’ 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl sees all Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 22 hours ago, Digitalbanana said: Sounds like Ukrainian words for; ''The Russians are coming.'' 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korat Kiwi Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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owl sees all Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 On 5/5/2024 at 9:08 AM, ballpoint said: When I first got together with my 'Seven Day Adventist' g/f, she said I simply had to have a river baptism to truly know the pleasures of life. We were In Jamaica and there was a visiting minister who was doing the baptisms not far from us at Troja. The g/f said it would be so, so good for me?! We took the bus and I joined the long queue at the river. They were in and out the water so quick that it was soon my turn Wearing only shorts, I waded out to the minister in the middle of the river. "Do you want to find Jesus young man?" "Yes," I said confidently. With that he grabbed me at the back of the neck and forced me head under. On the count of five he let me up for air. I didn't resist, as the g/f was at the bank watching excitedly. "Have you found Jesus?" "Not yet." I replied. Down went my head for a count of 10. Up again. "Have you found Jesus?" As I recovered my senses I replied, "no". Same thing again. Twenty seconds later he repeated the question. "Have you found Jesus?" Again I replied, "no". Now me maths weren't that good, but I could see that he was doubling the stay underwater every time. The g/f said he had a fantastic success conversion rate. No wounder I was thinking. What could I say to get out of this debacle? Again I was under water; 37, 38. 39, 40 and up. He asked in desperation. Not wanting to drown me I guess. He just didn't want me saying 'no'. "Have you found Jesus yet?" I couldn't face 80 seconds without air. "I heard he fell in further downstream." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Yellowtail Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 5 minutes ago, Crossy said: Van Gogh? I see a cat 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Crossy Posted May 6 Popular Post Share Posted May 6 6 minutes ago, Yellowtail said: I see a cat Yeah, I saw the cat first, then I read the caption. Now I can't un-see Mr.T. Fool! 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 6 minutes ago, Yellowtail said: Van Gogh? I see a cat I see a finger pointing at a cat! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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