Worst Joke Ever 2024

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[roo860]

Congratulations to Miss Alabama! 

 

To mention anything about her weight would be fatphobic so I will not be addressing the elephant in the room.

[oxo1947]

 

 

Brits again................

 

 

[oxo1947]

 

And another Brit...................

 

 

[nglodnig]

[ravip]

4 hours ago, roo860 said:

Congratulations to Miss Alabama! 

 

To mention anything about her weight would be fatphobic so I will not be addressing the elephant in the room.

 Plus-sized Miss Alabama Sara Milliken hits back at cruel trolls who mocked her looks after winning 2024 beauty pageant

[Korat Kiwi]

4 hours ago, roo860 said:

Congratulations to Miss Alabama! 

 

To mention anything about her weight would be fatphobic so I will not be addressing the elephant in the room.

Initially I thought she had her pants on the wrong way and that was her bum.... sorry my bad. 

[xtrnuno41]

An old lady walks into the bank and tells the 
counter lady that she wants to open a savings account 
The counter lady asks how much the old lady wants to deposit. 
“Three million euros,” says the old lady. 
Stunned, the counter lady asks, "in what form?" 
The old lady says, "cash. I have it right here in this bag...". 

The counter lady looks over the counter 
and indeed, the old lady has a large plastic bag in her hands with all kinds of 
200 and 500 euro notes in it. 
"This is a very unusual situation," says the counter lady and excuses 
herself to get her bank president. 
She and the bank president walk back while talking and the bank president escorts the old lady to his office to settle the matter there. 
Once in his office he asks the old lady how she got all that money. 
“GAMBLING,” she says. 
"Gambling" asks the bank president. 
“What kind of gambling?” 
“Oh, I gamble on all kinds of things, and I usually win. For example, I bet 
€100,000 that tomorrow at noon your balls will be square  and I want to 
give you 4 to 1 odds on it. Do you have €25,000 that you want to bet on that?" 
The bank president is completely taken aback by the strange bet he has just heard , but it is not without reason that he became the bank president of this bankoffice.
 "I think that I can raise enough to cover that bet ," says the bank president, 
"but I don't feel so good about winning that money from you... there is no way you 
can win this bet!"  
The old lady holds up her bag and says, "I know what I'm doing...and I can afford 
to lose even if I don't. Do we have a bet?" 
"Okay, whatever you want " says the bank president and shakes her hand. 
"I'll see you at 11:55 tomorrow morning," the old lady says and walks out of the office. 

The next morning at 11:55, the old lady comes in together with a young man in 
a neat three-piece suit, and they walk to the bank president's office.
The bank president is now completely nervous, but a happy man.
Almost no sleep, feeling his balls every minute to see if they were still round, but 
nothing had happened all night . He had checked it a hundred times that morning and they were still not square; his balls were completely normal. 

When the old lady walks in he starts to relax, he feels that he has won. 
"Come in, come in and take a seat! And who may this gentleman be?" asks the bank president. 
"This is my lawyer. For such a large bet, I would like a witness. Objection?" 
“No, no, completely understandable,” says the bank president. "Okay, it's almost 12:00 now and I'm still exactly as before so I think I win," the bank president says cheerfully. 

"Not so fast!" says the old lady. “For €100,000 I would of course want to be able to check it myself! Please drop your pants."
The bank president looks at her a bit surprised but understands her point. 
He would also like to see proof so he drops his pants. 
The old lady walks to the bank president and grabs his balls 

"Okay, ok, you win, here's your €100,000" says the old lady and hands 
the bank president a stack of money. 
As soon as she hands over the money the lawyer starts crying and 
hits his head against the wall. 
"What's wrong with him then?" asks the bank president. 
"Oh, he's just a bit upset. A sore loser if you ask me. You know, I 
had a bet with him for €1,000,000 that I would have the bankpresident 
by his balls today ."
 

[xtrnuno41]

Truusje comes from school and goes home. There, Truusje asks her mother “Mommy, why do people go to heaven with their legs up?” Her mother replies, “That doesn't seem to be true, what do you mean?”

Truusje says: “Oh, but I just saw the neighbor woman lying with her legs up and she screamed 'Oh god, I'm coming, I'm coming'

Her mother looks doubtful, meanwhile Truusje continues talking and says: “It's a good thing that daddy was lying on top of her, otherwise she would have really gone!”

[xtrnuno41]

A farmer and his servant are working in the field, when suddenly the farmer sinks up to his ankles in the mud. “Go get my boots,” the farmer says grumpily. When the servant is at the farm, he sees the beautiful farmers' daughters.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” asks one of the girls.

“The farmer allows me to sleep with both of you,” says the servant.

“We don't believe that,” the girls say.

"Oh no? Wait, I'll ask him,” says the servant. And he shouts loudly at the farmer: “Should I take 1 or 2?”
The farmer shouts back “Yes, both of course!”

[xtrnuno41]

2 farmers walk past the meadow, one farmer says to the other farmer “Look, this is where I had my first sex and 5 meters away her mother was watching!”

The other farmer says, “Well, what did her mother say?”

To which the farmer says: “Béééh”

[xtrnuno41]

It is evening and two nuns are walking to church together. Suddenly they are pulled into an alley by 2 men.

The men start groping the nuns and before the nuns realize it they are raped.

One nun says, “Lord, forgive him for he does not know what he is doing.”

To which the other nun says “Well, mine is!”

[xtrnuno41]

Two men who live next to each other are talking. One man boasts, “I've literally had every woman on our street, except one.” After the other man hears this, he rushes home and says to his wife, “The neighbor claims he has had all the women from our street, except one.”

To which his wife says: “Oh, probably that bitch from across the street?”

[xtrnuno41]

Bram is on holiday in Thailand when suddenly a beautiful woman sits opposite him on the train with a short skirt and a beautiful pair of breasts. Bram felt very hot and hoped not to see an erection, however then she got one!

[xtrnuno41]

At night an officer walks along the canal. He shines his flashlight into the canal and sees a man struggling in the water. The man shouts, "Help... help me... I'm drowning!"

The officer says: "That's a good thing, otherwise you would have received a fine, because you are not allowed to swim here!"

[xtrnuno41]

11% of all young people under the age of 16 are virgins.

All others have a different zodiac sign.

[xtrnuno41]

3 new nuns visit Mother Teresa to complete a final chastity test before they can enter. Mother Teresa asks all three nuns the same thing: “What would you do if a man approached you with lewd thoughts?”

The first nun says “I would pray to our almighty god and hope that he will leave on his own.” Mother Teresa is very pleased with this answer and praises the nun with a compliment. The second nun says “I would give him a huge kick between the legs, then he will leave me alone.” Mother Teresa looks a bit doubtful but accepts the answer. The third nun says, "I would say to the man, 'just pull down your pants and I will put up my habit.'" Mother Teresa turns completely red and immediately asks for an explanation.

To which the 3rd nun says “That is very simple, because I can run much faster with my habit up than the man with his pants down!”

[xtrnuno41]

Mieke had to leave home for a few days to care for her own sick mother. Once back home, her son 'Pietertje' says to her: “Mom, should I tell you something? Yesterday I was playing under the bed in your bedroom, when suddenly Dad and the neighbor came in. They both had no clothes on. The neighbor lay down on the bed, dad crawled on top of her and...” Mieke puts her hand on his mouth and says: “Stop... Don't say anything anymore! We'll wait until your father comes home and then you tell him exactly what you saw.”

Later that afternoon, Mieke's husband comes home and she shouts at him: “You pervert! I'm not staying with you anymore!” "But why not?" her husband asks in surprise. “Pietertje just tell him!”

Pietertje doesn't hesitate for a moment and says: “Yesterday I was playing under the bed in your bedroom when suddenly Dad came in together with the neighbor. They were both naked. The neighbor lay down on the bed, dad crawled on top of her and then they did exactly the same as what mom did with Uncle Henk when dad was on a business trip last time!”

[Sheryl]

11 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

 

I think you have to be a Brit to get that joke...........

 

No, American mothers say this too. Or at least did whrn I was young. 

[oxo1947]

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