Worst Joke Ever 2024

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[scottiejohn]

5 hours ago, Zyxel said:

There could be a number of reasons for having that specific seat being fitted:-

a) A sh!tty driver

b) Crappy maintenance!

c) P!ss poor communication with the mechanics!

d) The latest employee they hired was an ex plumber!

e) they have gone round the bend in more ways than one!

f) No rest breaks allowed!

 

[scottiejohn]

[ravip]

Happy women's day, indeed!

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[fasteddie]

[fasteddie]

1 hour ago, roo860 said:

Well it is International Women's Day.

[isaanistical]

3 hours ago, ravip said:

Happy women's day, indeed!

well she was asking for it.......

[still kicking]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[Crossy]

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

 

At the first house, a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."

The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"

 

As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman? How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?"

 

"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick."

 

The younger doctor said "Pretty clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house."

 

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."

 

"You've probably been doing too much for the Church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

 

As they left, the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, she's very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?"

 

"I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the vicar under the bed”.

 

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[ravip]

An old lady goes to the airport with her dog in a pet carrier. She says to the ticket agent, “I am going to Israel with my dog and I want to make sure nothing happens to him. He is very important to me. Please take good care of him and I will reward you with $10,000”.

 

The ticket agent says no problem and takes the pet carrier. She goes to the baggage handlers and tells them what the old lady said and offers to split the money with them if they make sure nothing happens to the dog.

 

They say OK and put the carrier on the plane. One of them says to the other “I know the baggage handlers in Israel. I’m going to call them and tell them to look out for this flight and if they make sure the dog gets back to the old lady unharmed, we will split the money with them.” The other baggage handler agrees and the call is made. When the plane lands in Israel the baggage handlers start to unload everything when they see the pet carrier. One says to the other, “This must be the dog my friend told me about. If we get it back to the lady unharmed, he is going to give us $2500.” The other handler says “We should check the dog to make sure he is not hungry or needs to go to the bathroom, so the old lady would have no reason to withhold the money.”

 

The other handler agrees and they open the carrier. To their horror, they discover the dog is dead. They start to panic.

 

Finally, says to the other, “My friend told me the lady was really old. She probably doesn’t see well. There’s a pet store near the airport. I’ll go there and get a dog that looks like this one. We’ll put the lady’s dog’s collar on it and put it in the carrier. The old lady probably won’t be able to tell the difference and we’ll get our money. You stall them at the terminal and I’ll go to the pet store.”

 

The other handler agrees that this is a good idea and goes to the terminal and tells everyone that due to technical difficulties the unloading of the baggage will be delayed.

 

The first handler jumps in his car and rushes to the pet store. As luck would have it there is a dog, a black poodle, that looks just like the lady’s dog. He buys the dog and rushes back to the airport. He finds his friend and they proceed to put the first dog’s collar on it and put it in the carrier. They then take the carrier into the terminal where the old lady is nervously waiting.

 

The first handler says to the other one, “That must be her. Look how old she is! She’s probably half blind and she’ll never notice that this is not her dog.” They bring the carrier to the old lady and say “Ma’am we wanted to personally deliver your dog to you since we heard how important he is to you.” The old lady says, “Young man, I’m sure you heard that I was going to give the ticket agent $10,000 for insuring my dog’s safe arrival and you are probably going to get a cut of it. That’s fine, but I want to make sure my dog is all right before I pay the reward.” The handlers say that is fine, confident that the new dog will fool the old lady. The carrier is opened and the old lady looks inside.

 

She immediately turns to the handler and says, “This is not my dog.” The handler says, “Why do you say that? Isn’t your dog a black poodle?”

 

“Yes”, the old lady replies. The handler points to the collar and says, “Isn’t this your dog’s collar?” “Yes”, the old lady replies. The handler then asks her, “So why do you think this is not your dog?”

 

“Because, young man”, the old lady replies, “My dog was dead and I was taking him to Israel to bury him.”

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]