Worst Joke Ever 2024

[chickenslegs]

[ballpoint]

1 hour ago, scottiejohn said:

No! I just did not want to magnify the problem and get too bipolar about it!

I see.

[still kicking]

[still kicking]

[chickenslegs]

TRAVEL BROCHURE JARGON

Palm fringed-beach
Surrounded by beggars

Compact swimming pool
Bidet

Staggering views
The local wine’s dodgy

We would strongly recommend hiring a car
You are 103 miles from the nearest lavatory

Plenty of nightlife
Watch out for the cockroaches

Stone’s throw from the beach
Mick Jagger once vomited from the top balcony

 

 

 

 

Edited July 21, 2023 by chickenslegs
Credit to ISIHAC

[chickenslegs]

AND WELCOME TO THE BALL

In which the teams introduce the guests arriving at a society ball, this time from the construction industry:

Will you welcome please, Mr and Mrs Cotter-Tiling... and their son, Terry

 

And from Ireland, Mr and Mrs O’Doors... and their son, Paddy

 

Mr and Mrs Antilers and their son... Rufus

 

Mr and Mrs Loadabricks and their son... Laurie

 

Mr and Mrs Neepot and their son... Jim

 

Mr and Mrs Duz-Merchants... and their son, Bill

 

[ISIHAC]

[chickenslegs]

THE UXBRIDGE ENGLISH DICTIORY (M to Z)

Alternative definitions for some familiar English words:

 

Macaroon
To leave a Scotsman on a desert island

Magenta
Here comes the Queen

Mishmash
What Sean Connery will do if he doesn’t get to church on Sunday

Module
Christmas with The Who

Nose dive
Bad plastic surgery clinic

Ovaltine
A fat adolescent

Pantomime
Underwear for the hard of hearing

Passport
Fathers’ race

Pastiche
What Sean Connery eats in Cornwall

Phlegmatic
Battery-powered handkerchief

Pomegranate
Australian for a Englishman made of stone

Pretext
Letters and phone calls

Psychedelia
Mental cook

Quick
Noise made by a dyslexic duck

Receipt
To sit down again

Realist
A catalogue of bottoms

Reindeer
A Michael Winner weather prediction

Scruple
Cross between a screw top and a ring pull

 

Tabby
A big church in Yorkshire

Template
The secretary hasn’t turned up

Tenure
How they describe a decade in the West Country

Testicle
A boat maker’s first attempt at a coracle

Toll
Where you try to put the ball in on a Yorkshire golf course

Transport
Cross-dressing athletes

Truculent
That lorry you used to rent out

Unfettered
Without Greek cheese

Urinate
You’re a size eight

Vanish
Rather like a van

Walnut
An obsessive bricklayer

Warehouse
A person who turns into a house at the Full Moon

Wince
A setting on Jonathan Ross’s washing machine

X-ray
Former fish

Yodelling
Trainee Jedi knight

Zucchini
Animal park enthusiast

 

[credit ISIYHAC]

[still kicking]

[still kicking]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[oxo1947]

Good luck spotting one of these at a vintage motor show this week...........

 

 

[oxo1947]

[oxo1947]

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[oxo1947]

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[oxo1947]

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[oxo1947]

 

 

I suspect a lot do...

 

[oxo1947]

[oxo1947]

[oxo1947]

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[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[oxo1947]

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[ballpoint]