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Posted

A man in our village has been going around threatening people with a lit match.
Police are keen to catch him before he strikes again.

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Posted

I'm in dispute with True Vision at the minute as they're trying to charge me for my satellite dish.
I'm sure they told me it would be on the house.

  • Like 1
Posted
9 hours ago, jak2002003 said:

Oooooow......careful now...that night be seen as raciest by some people..????

Surely you mean "speciest". ????

  • Haha 1
Posted

Johnny looked around the church and turned to his best man, saying,

"You know Jack, apart from my wife-to-be and her two sisters, there's not a woman in this church that I haven't had." 
Jack replied,

 

"Well, in that case, between the two of us we've had them all." 
 

Posted

A frustrated old spinster had read in a woman's magazine that the bigger the man's feet, the bigger his todger.

This piece of information was still in her mind when two days later a tramp came to the door with the biggest shoes she had ever seen.

Quick as a flash, she invited him in and proceeded to wine and dine him before taking him up to bed.

The next day as he was leaving she shouted at him crossly,

 

"Next time, wear shoes that fit you." 
 

  • Like 1
Posted

The starry-eyed young redneck was boring his friend to death by continually going on about his beautiful young fiancee. 
Eventually, the friend could take it no more and blurted out, 
"I can't believe you really want to marry her, you must know she's been scr*wed by every able bodied man in town." 
The young man thought hard for a moment or two and then replied defensively, 


"Okay, but this isn't really such a big town." 
 

  • Haha 2

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