Worst Joke Ever 2024

[Andrew Dwyer]

41 minutes ago, fangless said:

Your nuts!

My nuts !!

 

 

[fangless]

15 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

My nuts !!

 

 

I don't think I really want to know any more about your nuts.  I was previously referring to both your mental state and the food the mother wrench was feeding her baby with!

PS;  It really was a funny meme   ????

[Peter Denis]

19 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

My nuts !!

 

[Andrew Dwyer]

19 minutes ago, fangless said:

I don't think I really want to know any more about your nuts.  I was previously referring to both your mental state and the food the mother wrench was feeding her baby with!

PS;  It really was a funny meme   ????

I’m afraid I had a brief grammar police moment :

I believe you meant to write “ you’re nuts “ instead of “ your nuts “ ????

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[ballpoint]

1 hour ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

My nuts !!

 

 

Is this the right thread to be talking about nuts?  The mods warned someone about this once and he bolted.

[ballpoint]

I poured broth all over my car yesterday.
It goes a lot faster now that it's souped up.

[ballpoint]

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that afterwards she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.  The pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack, saying that he thinks he will be rather busy, with the girl being so hot and it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. He quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and he's is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from him.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'

The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'

[ballpoint]

I was in a pub on Saturday night when this really ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my <deleted> and said "Give me your number sexy."
I replied "Have you got a pen?"
She smiled and said "Yes"
"Well you'd better get back in it, before the farmer notices you're missing."

[billd766]

2 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

My nuts !!

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6t9ZJK-vc-I&ab_channel=haribokey

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOw3EDawJh4&ab_channel=IainLucey1972

 

[roo860]

[fangless]

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Is this the right thread to be talking about nuts?  The mods warned someone about this once and he bolted.

Well the nuts were of the correct thread. 

I just hope you did not clasp his nuts to your bosom!

If you did the MODs will think you have a screw loose and tighten up their rules.

[fangless]

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time & decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space.

Dr. Smith was a Psychiatrist & Dr. Jones was a Proctologist (related to colon, anus) 

They put up a sign reading 

Dr Smith & Dr Jones *Hysterias & Posteriors*

-The town council was livid and insisted they change it-

So, the docs changed it to read...
*Schizoids & Haemorrhoids*

This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign to...
*Catatonics and High Colonics*
-no go 

Next, they tried...
*Manic Depressives & Anal Retentives*

Then came...
*Minds & Behinds*      -still no good.

Another attempt resulted in...
*Lost Souls & Butt Holes*  or even *Nuts & Butts*
-unacceptable again!

*Freaks & Cheeks*  or  *Loons & Moons*
-forget it!

Almost at their wits end, the docs finally came up with
Dr. Smith & Dr. Jones

*Specializing in Odds & Ends*

Edited November 9, 2020 by fangless

[fangless]

A PATIENT escapes from locked-ward Mental Hospital, bursts into a laundrette and sexually assaults two staff before running off. 

 

Headline in the SUN: Nut Screws Washers and Bolts.

[Davo369]

[Davo369]

[Davo369]

[VocalNeal]

Just read about future ocean cargo vessels using ammonia as fuel.

 

I thought:

 

Reefer ships using refrigerant as fuel? That's cool!

[ballpoint]

I remember the time I was in London, back when we were allowed to travel, and hailed one of them black cabs.
I said to the driver, "Waterloo please"
He asked, "What, the station"?
"Well, I'm a bit <deleted> late for the battle", I replied.

[ballpoint]

On the same trip, I asked a cabbie “how do I get to the Albert Hall.”
He said “practice son, practice”

[ballpoint]

A friend of mine was reading the “The Exorcist “. He said it was the most evil book he’d ever read and that it was so evil that he couldn’t finish it.
He took the book to the Chao Phraya  and hurled it as far as he could into its dark and murky depths.
After he told me that, I went to Kinokuniya and bought another copy.
I took it with me the following week when I called around to go to the pub.
When he was upstairs I soaked it in water...
... and put it in his desk drawer.

[ballpoint]

I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call.
Next morning, she rang and said, "what are you doing with your life?"

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]