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Posted

Got beaten up this morning in a lift. A woman got in wearing a low cut top with a magnificent set of breasts spilling out. I couldn’t help staring.

It all kicked off when she said “Will you press one please?” So I did. Can’t remember much after that.

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Posted

A cash-strapped zoo was desperate for a major attraction to boost falling visitor numbers. Unable to afford any new animals, the zoo manager persuaded a visitor to dress up in a gorilla costume and masquerade as a great ape.

The deception worked well as the man threw himself into the role with great enthusiasm, devouring buckets of bananas, swinging from branches, prowling his cage menacingly and beating his chest with vigour. But then one day, he went too far and accidentally fell into the lion enclosure next door.

‘Help! Help!’ cried the bogus gorilla.

The lion let out a tremendous roar, then rushed at him, put his paw on the gorilla’s chest and growled:

 

‘Shut up, or we’ll both lose our jobs!’
 

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Posted (edited)

The hidden dangers of lockdown and home schooling!

 

"Mummy, the milkman's here.

Are you going to pay him or shall I go out to play?"

 

A little girl being taught at home;
She ask her mum, “Who came first, Adam or Eve”.

"Adam," replied her mum. "Men always come first."

 

 

"Mummy, Mummy, the au pair is in bed with a strange man.

Ha ha, got you! April Fool. It's only Daddy."

 

 

 

Edited by fangless
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Posted (edited)

A father was very upset about his young son's betting habits, so went up to school to talk to the boy's teacher, who promised to have a word with him.

"Maybe if he lost heavily on a bet, it would cure him," she suggested. That night after school she asked the boy to stay behind and confronted him about the bad habits he was getting into.

"It's not only me, Miss," replied the boy. "You have bad habits as well! You're a cheat; you pretend to be a natural blonde, but you've got really black hair between your legs."

"I have not!" she blurted out without thinking.

"Oh, yes, you have, and I'll bet you my week's pocket money on it."

 

The teacher was in a bit of a quandary. She had promised to help cure his betting habit and this would certainly be an expensive bet for him to lose as she was actually a natural blonde, but with brains. So she lifted her skirt and dropped her knickers. Having won the bet she rang the boy's father to tell him the good news.

"Damn it!" he said.

 

"This morning he bet me a £100 he'd get your knickers off before the day was out."

 

 

 


 

Edited by fangless
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Posted
19 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

Iron Women Comp starts this week...

She was conned.  She thought she was being sold a surfing board with her surf detergent!

Posted

A smart-talking man who thought he could charm the birds off the trees met his match one night.

The insular young man had just learned that his father only had days to live and then he would inherit over half a million pounds. Overjoyed at the promised wealth, he celebrated at the local wine bar, where he saw a ravishing long-legged blonde.

 

He couldn't wait to brag to her and indeed she was so interested in him, they went back to his house together.

The next day she became his stepmother. And his father changed his will!
 

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