Worst Joke Ever 2024

[roo860]

[Maybole]

Henry is walking down the road to the pub when a horse pokes its head over the hedge and wishes him "Good Evening"." That's incredible" says Henry, "you can talk." Yes," says the horse, "and I am also a racehorse, I won the Derby in 1998."  "Very good for you,"says Henry and carries on to the pub.

As soon as he gets into the pub, he says tothe barman," I can hardly believe it, but I met a talking horse just up the road." "Oh yes."says the barman, "and I suppose he told he had won the Derby in 1998." "Yes, he did." said Henry. "Well," says the barman, " He's a liar, he was only third."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[sanuk711]

Girls do love to see an interesting tattoo

[sanuk711]

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For those of you who now have poor eyesight please look in the top right hand corner under the red light shade!

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[ravip]

[fangless]

 

Bob suggested to his wife that a good way to save money would be to put £1 in the money box every time they made love.

A year went by and Bob decided to open the money box, even though they had not had the most exciting sexual year as he had wished, and see how much money had been saved. He couldn't believe his eyes when he found not only a few £1 coins but lots of £10, £20 and £50 notes as well.

"How come we've got all these notes?" he asked, amazed.

 

"Well, not everyone's as stingy or as lacking in sex drive as you," she retorted.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[fangless]

 

Down at his local social club, Jack was amazed to see a girl lean over the table exposing her bare bum. Not only that, but on each buttock was tattooed the number 6. Jack immediately felt it was a sign he was going to be lucky, so he went over to the treasurer and bought ticket 66 for the prize draw the next night. It was a bonus prize of £1,000. The following night, Jack arrived after the draw had taken place and he turned to his mate at the bar, saying, "Was the winning ticket 66?"

"No, sorry, mate, you were close, but no cigar for you tonight."

"What was it, then?" asked the disappointed Jack.

 

 

"It was 606."
 

[fangless]

Which one is the odd one out: Luncheon meat, soya bean or a vibrator?

Luncheon meat;

 

The other two are meat substitutes.

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Wise old saying:

Girls who use their heads can stop the population explosion.
 

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Why do Scottish shepherds wear the kilt?

So the sheep won't hear the zip.

 

 

 

 

 

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A farmer was getting fewer and fewer eggs from his hens and decided he would have to replace the old rooster who wasn't carrying out his job properly. So he bought a new rooster. Later in the henhouse the old rooster turned to the new rooster and said, "Look, let's make a deal. Let me just have three of the hens and I'll leave the rest to you."

"No way," came the reply. "This is all mine now."

"OK," said the crestfallen rooster, "but let me have some pride. Let's have a race across the farmyard and back, winner takes all."

"Alright," said the new rooster, thinking there was no way he was going to lose to this tired old bird.

They set off, but just as the new cock was about to overtake  the old one the farmer burst out of his house and shot him dead.

 

"Good grief, that's the third queer rooster I've bought this month."
 

[fangless]

A frustrated young lady heard that men with big feet also had big members, so when a tramp came to the door with the biggest shoes she'd ever seen he was invited inside. After wining and dining him, she then took him to bed.

The next morning, as he was leaving, she called out crossly,

 

 

"In future, try to wear shoes that fit you!"
 

[Hamus Yaigh]

[Hamus Yaigh]

[Hamus Yaigh]

[ballpoint]

Last night I had a dream that I was a muffler.

I woke up exhausted.

[ballpoint]

My missus said, "Will you shut up about snooker and make love to me!"

"Of course love," I replied.

"Would you prefer I took the easy pink or shall I try for the tight brown?"

[ballpoint]

I put a net up in my back garden to see if I could catch the grim reaper.
Bloody council told me to take it down. 

Apparently, it’s a death trap.

[ballpoint]

The actor who played Captain Kirk in Star Trek has announced that his women’s lingerie business has been a total failure...

In hindsight, maybe 'Shatner Knickers' wasn't the best name for the venture!

[ballpoint]

[Andrew Dwyer]

[ballpoint]

[sanuk711]

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