Worst Joke Ever 2024

[Andrew Dwyer]

As we have some interaction between Brits and our American cousins on here sometimes things can get lost in translation.
Soo, to help both sides here is a translation guide .

You are welcome !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

Even worse in my opinion !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

Story of my life !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

I’ve often wondered about that !!

[vogie]

If you found out that your new girlfriend had a wooden leg.........would you break it off?

[ballpoint]

1 hour ago, vogie said:

If you found out that your new girlfriend had a wooden leg.........would you break it off?

I once had a girlfriend who complained that the large size of my penis was causing her pain.  So she broke it off.

[chickenslegs]

[chickenslegs]

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling up or is it just a man thing?

[chickenslegs]

My friend boasted he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain where Buddha actually comes from.

[Andrew Dwyer]

Last night i was dreaming and I recited The Hobbit word for word !!

Apparently I was Tolkien in my sleep !!

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[fasteddie]

[chickenslegs]

A duck waddles into a pharmacy and asks for a tube of Chapstick.
The clerk says "That will be 90 baht, cash or charge?"
The duck replies "put it on my bill".

[Andrew Dwyer]

Got me out of many a sticky situation !!

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[fasteddie]

[fasteddie]

[Andrew Dwyer]

Not as much trouble as this poor lass in Scotland !!

[chickenslegs]

Two smartly dressed men called at my door and asked what bread I ate, and when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes..

 

I think they were Hovis Witnesses.

[chickenslegs]

Aussie Medical Helpline

Operator: "G'day mate, Aussie Medical Helpline. What's the problem cobber?"

Caller: "I'm in Brisbane with my Sheila, she's been stung on the fanny by a wasp and now her pussy has completely closed up."

Operator: "Bummer mate!"

Caller: "Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that. Bye."

[chickenslegs]

A Welshman gets washed up on a desert island with just a sheep an a collie dog for company.

 

After a while he begins to feel a little frisky an starts eyeing up the sheep.

 

The collie dog's instincts kick in and won't let him anywhere near the sheep.

 

After several months, to his delight, a beautiful young girl is washed ashore. "Thank God for sending you here to help me with my sexual frustration" says the Welshman ...

 

... "Can you take this bloody dog for a walk?"

 

[scottiejohn]

On 7/3/2019 at 6:59 PM, billd766 said:

The memories that the photo brought back. It used to improve my reading skills as a young boy.

Are you sure it didn't wipe your memory?

????

[scottiejohn]

On 7/3/2019 at 7:51 PM, faraday said:

We were posh, being from the South....

 

Still remember that medicated smell....

 

 

My memory of IZAL was Ouch!

PS; We used to use it as cheap "tracing paper" in Scottish schools!

[scottiejohn]

On 7/5/2019 at 8:47 AM, Andrew Dwyer said:

I’ve often wondered about that !!

I think you are just "milking" and old joke and trying to cream the credit before it all goes sour on you

[scottiejohn]

On 7/5/2019 at 9:01 AM, vogie said:

If you found out that your new girlfriend had a wooden leg.........would you break it off?

Only if I was winning the argument, then she wouldn't have a leg to stand on!

[scottiejohn]

On 7/7/2019 at 4:49 PM, fasteddie said:

Was that her crowning glory?

[scottiejohn]

16 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

"Can you take this bloody dog for a walk?"

He was obviously barking mad my then and feeling very sheepish, ewe would think.