Worst Joke Ever 2024

[ballpoint]

Travelling through deepest, darkest Africa with my faithful porters, we entered a clearing.
There were broken eggshells everywhere. “this was obviously the work of poachers,” I said.

[ballpoint]

Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he can annoy the French for the rest of his life.

[ballpoint]

When my wife was giving birth to our daughter, the midwife said, ‘What about epidural anaesthesia?’

I said ‘We already picked names, thanks!’

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

A study has shown that 47396486 people can't be bothered to read long numbers.
You're one of those people, aren't you?

[ballpoint]

A large oil company has announced they are going to start producing sustainable fuel from insect urine.
I think it's BP.

[ballpoint]

My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill.

So I sent him a “Get Well Soon” card.

[fangless]

2 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

When my wife was giving birth to our daughter, the midwife said, ‘What about epidural anaesthesia?’

I said ‘We already picked names, thanks!’

I would have been numbed by the suggestion!

[fangless]

Just now, ballpoint said:

A large oil company has announced they are going to start producing sustainable fuel from insect urine.
I think it's BP.

The new Buzz Phrase!

[ballpoint]

The news said a man who was arrested for dropping bricks off a multi-storey car park.

I thought that was wrong on so many levels.

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

Noah Webster produced the first dictionary that included American spellings of words.
Or, as they're known in Britain, mistakes.

[ballpoint]

My 1st wife left me because of my obsession with Transformers.
I told her I could change.

[fangless]

3 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

A study has shown that 47396486 people can't be bothered to read long numbers.
You're one of those people, aren't you?

I don't think so as I count as two of them as I have a split personality!

[fangless]

9 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he can annoy the French for the rest of his life.

Can you drop me a line to let me know where did you trawl that one from?

[fangless]

15 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

A word is worth 1/1000th of a picture.

Not in scrabble!

[fangless]

19 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

I bought a beautiful jumper from a factory seconds outlet.

You’d never notice, but one of the sleeves is slightly longer than the other two.

If the jumper has got three outlets for your arms why is it called a seconds outlet?

 

PS did they charge you 33% more for the extra outlet?

[fangless]

32 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

The only people with clean minds are those who have been brainwashed.

Is that why you don't do dirty jokes then?

[fangless]

43 minutes ago, roo860 said:

Some blokes get all the luck!

[ballpoint]

I've had a terrible morning.  I woke up to find someone had used a crayon to write "weirdo" on my car in big letters.

Took me hours to lick it off.

[chickenslegs]

38 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

My 1st wife left me because of my obsession with Transformers.
I told her I could change.

You should step down after that shocker!

[ravip]

[ravip]

*A  list of  STRENUOUS  ACTIVITIES that do not require too much PHYSICAL EFFORT...*
                    
01)  Beating around the bush.

02)  Jumping to conclusions...

03)  Climbing up the wall...

04)  Swallowing your pride...

05)  Passing the buck...

06)  Throwing your weight around...

07)  Dragging your heels...

08)  Pushing your luck...

09)  Making mountains out of molehills...

10)  Hitting the nail on the head...

11)  Wading through paperwork...

12)  Bending over backwards...

13)  Jumping on the bandwagon...

14)  Balancing the books...

15)  Running around in circles...

16)  Eating crow...

17)  Blowing your own horn...

18)  Climbing the ladder of success...

19)  Pulling out all stops...

20)  Adding fuel to the fire...

21)  Opening a can of worms...

22)  Putting your foot in your mouth...

23)  Setting the ball rolling...

24)  Going over the edge...

25)  Picking up the pieces...

 

 *Whew!*
*That is some workout!*
*Now SIT DOWN, and...*

 

26)  *Exercise Caution!*

[billd766]

13 hours ago, fangless said:

Fair is fair but what colour are your other bits?

PS; Not that I am getting personal!!!!

Off white to light brown, depending on if the sun is shining.

[ballpoint]

3 hours ago, billd766 said:

Off white to light brown, depending on if the sun is shining.

Out of it, or on it?

[roo860]

[roo860]

????????

[roo860]

[billd766]

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Out of it, or on it?

When the sun has got his hat on is the time and place.

[sanuk711]