Worst Joke Ever 2024

[fangless]

[fangless]

[fangless]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

????????????

[ravip]

Four CEO's of beer companies are having a Meeting and they decide to get drunk.

 

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light. The CEO of Miller orders a Miller lite. The CEO of Coors orders a Coors light. The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

 

The three CEO's then ask him..

"Why aren't you ordering a Guinness"?

 

He Replies 'If you guys aren't drinking beer, then neither will I. "

[ravip]

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder…
The barkeep greets him, and says, “Cool newt! What’s its name?”

The man responds, “His name is Tiny”

The barkeep asks, “why is it called tiny?”

The man answers, “Because he’s my-newt”

[ravip]

Try your luck!

Want to win a new cellphone for Christmas? Scratch below with a nail.

▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓

Good luck!!!

[ravip]

For past 20 years, my wife has been complaining about my not putting the cap back on the toothpaste.
This anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit and make my wife happy.

For a week, I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste.

I was expecting my wife to thank me, but she never did it.

Finally, last night, she turned and looked at me and said - "Why have you stopped brushing your teeth since a week ??"

 

Marriage is a social crime, I tell you.

[ravip]

I saw 4 guys beating up 1 guy so i stopped to help...
He had no chance against all 5 of us.

[ballpoint]

Been to see a 4 x 4 specialist this morning.
Apparently it's 16.

[ballpoint]

North Korea has executed over 80 people for watching foreign TV and / or owning a Bible.
Having seen what TV and the Bible has done to Americans, I think they're wise for nipping it in the bud.

[ballpoint]

I went in to my chemists and asked for some Viagra,
"Do you have a prescription?" asked the pharmacist,
"No" I said, "but I have a photograph of the wife "

[ballpoint]

Nelson was about 5ft 6ins tall. His column is 17ft 4in.
That's Horatio of 1:3

[ballpoint]

Nelson Mandela was sitting at home drinking a beer one day when there’s a knock on the door. Mandela opens it to find a little Chinese man with a clipboard. Behind him is a huge truck full of car exhausts. The Chinese man thrusts the board at him and says “you sign here, you sign here”. Mandela says “you’ve got the wrong address” and shuts the door on him.

Next day, Nelson is relaxing again at home when there’s another knock on the door. Again, there’s the little Chinese man with a clipboard, but this time there’s a truck full of brake parts behind him. Again he thrusts the clip board at Mandela and says “you sign here, you sign here”. Again the great man says “you’ve got the wrong address and pushes the door closed”

Third day, Mandela is again sitting quietly sitting at home when there’s a knock on the door. Again, it’s the same little Chinese guy with a clipboard. And again he just says “you sign here”. But this time, there’s two car transporters full of new cars behind him.

Mandela is this time bloody angry. He yells at the guy, “why the **** are your bringing me truck loads of new cars. Let me see, what name is on that form. There must be a big mistake”

The little Chinese guy points to the paperwork on the clipboard and says "No mistake!  Look here!  Nissan Main Dealer!”

[ballpoint]

The missus has walked out on me after I spent our life savings on a penis extension.

She said she couldn't take it any longer.

[ballpoint]

I tried to warn my friend about the dangers of Russian Roulette, but did he listen?
It just went in one ear and out the other.

[ballpoint]

On 4th June 1913 Emily Wilding Davison was fatally injured during the Derby at Epsom racecourse when she flung herself under the hooves of the King's horse Anmer.
The act was done in an attempt to further democracy.
Yet, to this day, horses still don't have a vote.

[ballpoint]

WARNING.
Drinking alcohol before pregnancy can cause pregnancy.

[ballpoint]

I woke up this morning, got dressed and went in the kitchen where my girlfriend was already fixing breakfast.
I looked to see what she was cooking, and I see one of my socks in the frying pan.
"What are you doing?" I asked her.
She said "I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk," she replied.
Completely puzzled, I walked away thinking to myself,
"I really don't remember asking her to cook my sock...".

[fangless]

29 minutes ago, ravip said:

Try your luck!

Want to win a new cellphone for Christmas? Scratch below with a nail.

▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓

Good luck!!!

What do you do if you don't have a touch screen?

[fangless]

11 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

On 4th June 1913 Emily Wilding Davison was fatally injured during the Derby at Epsom racecourse when she flung herself under the hooves of the King's horse Anmer.
The act was done in an attempt to further democracy.
Yet, to this day, horses still don't have a vote.

Race Horses don't need a government and therefore a vote as they are all in a stable relationship!

However some might just jump at the chance whilst others will go the extra mile to take part in a Gallop Poll!

 

 

 

Edited November 13, 2021 by fangless

[fangless]

16 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

The missus has walked out on me after I spent our life savings on a penis extension.

She said she couldn't take it any longer.

Maybe it was shortsighted of her not to see your real potential!

[fangless]

24 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Nelson was about 5ft 6ins tall. His column is 17ft 4in.
That's Horatio of 1:3

I do hope you mean his statue on the top of his column is 17ft 4" otherwise the goverment were overcharged!

[tomazbodner]

30 minutes ago, fangless said:

What do you do if you don't have a touch screen?

Scratch harder.

 

Follow me for more technical advice. Tom's overpriced electronics store.