Worst Joke Ever 2025

ifmu · August 16, 2022

what do you call a lesbian eskimo ?

klondike

what do u call a gay milkman ?

dairy queen

ballpoint · August 16, 2022

Blind prostitutes.

You have to hand it to them.

ballpoint · August 16, 2022

I was rear-ended in my car by an ice-cream van..

I'm now suffering from Mr Whippylash!

ballpoint · August 16, 2022

I once had an an interview at a Blacksmith.

He asked me, 'Are you any good at shoeing horses?'

I replied, 'No, but I once told a donkey to **** off.'

ballpoint · August 16, 2022

ballpoint · August 16, 2022

I read today that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

It’s certainly true in my case. I've never eaten a monkey

ballpoint · August 16, 2022

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognising a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognise him?”

The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”

The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture shows his profile.”

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognise him?”

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”

The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?! Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it’s a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognise him?” He quickly adds” . . . think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “Hmmmm . . . the suspect wears contact lenses.”

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. “Well, that’s an interesting answer . . . wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. “Wow! I can’t believe it…it’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”

“That’s easy,” the blonde replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

ballpoint · August 16, 2022

I bet anyone who has dumped a body in a reservoir recently is s****ing themselves at the moment!

ballpoint · August 16, 2022

My favourite name for a planet is Saturn.

It has a nice ring to it.

Zyxel · August 16, 2022

Zyxel · August 16, 2022

Zyxel · August 16, 2022

Zyxel · August 16, 2022

fasteddie · August 16, 2022

jvs · August 16, 2022

33 minutes ago, fasteddie said:

Somehow the colonel looks happier!

IvorBiggun2 · August 16, 2022

You gotta watch

ravip · August 16, 2022

Mr Singh walks into a bank London and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Mr Singh hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million pounds.

“The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Singh, “and I have all the necessary papers.”

The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. After Mr Singh leaves, the loan officer, the bank's president and all their colleagues enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a £250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a £5,000 loan.

One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, Mr Singh returns, repays the £5000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41.

The loan officer says, "Sir, I must tell you, we’re all a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"

The man replies, "Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41?"