A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'. She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

 

 

 

 

An eight year old girl went to the office with her Dad on a "Take your kid to work day".
As they were walking around the office the young girl was getting crankier and crankier, crying and sobbing. Her father asked what was wrong with her?

As the concerned office staff gathered around she sobbed loudly "Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?"

When 6-year-old Johnny and his mum are waiting at the bus stop, she says to him.
“I’ll get a ticket for myself and if the driver asks how old you are, tell him you are 5, then I won’t have to pay.”
The bus pulls up, they get on and Mum pays for an adult return to the town center.
The driver then asks the boy.
“And what is your name, young man?”
He proudly replies. “I’m J0hnny.”
The driver inquires.
“And how old are you, Johnny?”
“I’m only 5 years old.”
“And when will you be 6?”
“As soon as I get off the bus!”

Professor Smith entered the 7 tier high circular lecture hall and began his lesson.

“This class is paranormal psychology, and today’s lesson is about belief in Ghosts.”, as his booming voice echoed throughout the very large room.

“We have some 200 students in this lecture hall today. If you cannot hear me on the upper levels, please let me know. So let me begin with a simple question.”

“How many of you here today believe in ghosts?”

About half the hands went up.

“OK, now for those of you who raised your hands, how many of you have ever seen a ghost?”

About 20 hands stayed up.

“Ok, for those remaining, how many have ever been touched by a ghost?”

About 5 hands remained waiving.

Ok, for those 5 of you, how many have ever had sex with the ghost?

Only one remaining hand stayed up.

The professor squinted to see the lone student way up in the upper reaches of the large lecture hall.

After referring to his seating chart, the professor then looked up again at the upper level and shouted to the student.

“ I see your name is Amad. So; tell us Amad, what does it feel like making love to a ghost?”

“Amad shouted back , Oh, I thought you said GOAT!”

A group of 40-year-old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is also quite good.

10 years later, at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.

During a visit to the doctor, the patient asked, “How do you know whether

or not an older person should be put in an old age home?

”Well,” she said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup

and a bucket to the person, to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I get it,” the patient said. “ A normal person would use the bucket as

it’s the biggest.”

“No,” she said. “A normal person would pull the plug. Would you like a bed

by the window?”

 

 

Bloody vegans.

How can you tell if a house has been built by a lesbian, no studs and nails. It's all tongue and groove.