Saw this on imgur https://imgur.com/gallery/Dt3UCtk

Paddy wanted to join the priesthood and had to go for an interview with the bishop to test his suitability for the vocation. "You must answer these three questions correctly for your application to be accepted" said the bishop. "First, who was born in a stable?" "Red Rum" Paddy replied. "Second, what do you think of Damascus?" "It kills 99.9% of all germs" came the reply. "Thirdly, what happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive?" "That's an easy one" Paddy replied. "Popeye kicked the s**t out of them!"

A man was shot with a starter pistol earlier today.

Police suspect it was race related.

 

 

A Yorkshireman's wife dies.

He arranges the funeral, purchases a headstone and goes to see the engraver.

"All I want on it" He says "is MY DARLING WIFE, SHE WERE THINE".

The engraver tells him no problem, come back tomorrow. The following morning he returns and is shown the headstone.

MY DARLING WIFE, SHE WERE THIN.

"You've forgotten the E" The Yorkshire man sobs. The engraver apologises and tells him to come back in an hour.

An hour later he returns and is shown the headstone.

 

MY DARLING WIFE, EEEEEEE SHE WERE THIN

Another Yorkshire man's dog dies and as it was his lifelong best friend, he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshire man "Can tha mek us a gold statue of this 'ere dog?"

Jeweller: "Of course, Sir, would you like it 18 carat?"

Yorkshire man: "No yer daft <deleted>, I want it chewin' bone!"

Bloke goes to an exchange booth and says how many baht do I get for one pound and they said 39.

I’ve tried this and it works !!

 

I find my “ mind powers “ are stronger outside though !!

Quarantine day 27:

 

Today I had a major breakthrough !!

 

Found I have had an ostrich living with me all this time !!

 

 

He is great company even if he doesn’t talk much .

 

Called him Wilson !!

10 hours ago, kingdong said:

Bloke goes to an exchange booth and says how many baht do I get for one pound and they said 39.

Maybe it is just me, but I am not 'getting' this one...

Meanwhile, back in Blighty, history repeats itself !!

 

 

 

 

18 minutes ago, Peter Denis said:

Since you posted vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo.

 

I'll update you as the story unfolds.

 

 

 

 

19 minutes ago, tifino said:

 

 

 

 

And ??????

the burglar:

 

just going shopping...

 

 

 

 

dinner for one...

 

Edited April 6, 20206 yr by roo860